


the lies your heart can't tell

by ndnickerson



Category: Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, College, Cunnilingus, Declarations Of Love, F/M, Fingerfucking, First Kiss, First Time, Forbidden Love, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Love Triangles, Love at First Sight, Male-Female Friendship, Missionary Position, Oral Sex, Peril, Presents, Requited Love, Safer Sex, Self-Destruction, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Woman on Top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 18:58:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 79,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/625507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndnickerson/pseuds/ndnickerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this prompt: Bess meets Ned first but neither Ned nor Nancy can deny their instant attraction to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littlemsmessy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemsmessy/gifts).



Nancy Drew tugged her hand through her sweat-damp hair with a sigh, feeling it end, again, about four inches higher than it should have. Cutting her hair yesterday had been practical, and she was glad for it, now, glad to lose that extra weight, glad for a change. Heat shimmered off the asphalt, from the hoods of the cars, warming her legs, turning her blue eyes feverish. All around her, she saw families, mothers with their hair tied up in smart bobbing ponytails or cut in angled bobs, directing the long-suffering fathers, their polo shirts turned darker with sweat, wrestling miniature refrigerators and flimsy awkward bookshelves onto protesting handtrucks. The clipboard-wielding RA, bright smile still in place, was unwilted in the heat, calmly directing traffic, a chirp in her voice.

"You'll be happy here," her father had said, an hour earlier, only the faintest question in his voice, as they sat across from each other in a booth at the Emersonville diner. He hadn't mentioned Brad, any further misgivings about her living halfway across campus from Bess and George, anything other than unsurprised approval of her new haircut.

She always cut her hair after the breakups. Like losing a few inches of hair was enough to reclaim any control at all.

And she had nodded. "I will be happy here," she'd reiterated, and smiled.

And she would. But now she was tired, unpleasantly sticky with sweat, irritated that her new roommate had spent their first fifteen minutes together sizing her up and then deciding the best way to impress her would be to talk about the summer she'd just spent in Paris drinking absinthe and having sex with strangers, waking up in strange apartments. Nancy had bit her lip, holding back the retort that she'd been kidnapped twice while in Paris, once waking to find herself on a decrepit rowboat, still bound, gagged with a black lace mantilla. There was simply no way to innocuously bring that into a conversation.

"Need any help?"

Nancy had just boosted her last box, crammed with miscellaneous tennis shoes, ragged-hemmed jeans and worn familiar sweaters, onto her trunk. She turned, the words "No, thanks," reflexively rising to her lips, just before she placed the voice, just before she saw his eyes.

_Oh, oh God._

"I'm doing all right," she said lamely, lifting her hand to shade her eyes as she squinted at him. His brown hair was lighter from bleaching in the summer sun, his muscular arms tanned. He ignored her pointedly, hefting the box, waiting for her direction. "Nice to see you too."

He gazed at her hair, then met her eyes and gave her a little tilt of his shoulders. "Six weeks?"

"Oh shut up," she said, mostly good-naturedly. "What's your point?"

"I just like being right," he said, half a cocky smile on his face.

"Didn't take you long to track me down."

"Bess said you'd be over here. Kind of," he amended, shifting the box in his arms, and she took pity on him, at least enough to lead him to the stairs. "Her exact words were something like 'Two streets over and had ivy on it.'"

"Can't escape Bess's razor-sharp observation skills," Nancy sighed, ducking between a pair of arguing brothers, to the relative relief of the dorm foyer. An inexplicable blush prickled in her cheeks as he followed her quietly up the stairs, but she had it mastered by the time she shouldered her door open.

"Ned, Lydia," she sighed an introduction while gesturing to her roommate. "Lydia, this is my friend Bess's boyfriend, Ned."

\--

It had been a gamble. Since Ned had chosen Emerson, Bess had decided she would go too, and George had been willing to go along with it. That had left Nancy, awash in paperwork, stumbling her way through application essays. When she had asked her father about which college would be the best start for a career in law, he had glowed with pride and made his own gentle suggestions. She could get pre-law out of the way at Emerson. He knew people at all the best law schools. She didn't have to leave him, Illinois, her friends just yet.

She didn't have to leave Ned just yet.

And that had been the gamble. Out of the seven colleges she'd sent applications to, six had accepted her. Wilder wasn't so far away; their journalism school had a great reputation, and the thought of putting as much distance between them as she could had filled her with simultaneous relief and agony.

She always thought she was over it, until she saw him again. Until the next time the three of them went to stake out a warehouse or finesse their way past security, and Ned came along, eagerly, exhilarated by it all. He loved being in on the cases. He loved being in on the brainstorming sessions, all of it. And then something would perk Bess's pretty slender brows and she would draw Ned away for a while, tilting her face up for a kiss, her hand in his, and Nancy would look away, letting the curtain of her hair fall between them so she couldn't see.

Bess and Ned were a legend. Together since she was fifteen, utterly gorgeous together, the tall handsome star athlete and the petite bubbly blonde. George's boyfriends were few and far between, always intimidated by her self-reliance and dedication, and Nancy's boyfriends were many and close, drawn by her looks and her cool determination, but always, inevitably, unable to keep up. Ned just stuck around for the sheer novelty of it, she was sure, always there to serve as a sounding board for her theories about the cases, always there to play nice with her new boyfriends and tell her she was better off without them when the breakup came.

She envied Bess, sometimes with such a passion it frightened her. She had known who Ned was, but by the time Bess had introduced them, it was after Bess and Ned were official. If Bess cared that Nancy and Ned would sometimes stay on the phone for hours, that sometimes he was her muscle in tight situations, she'd never said so. Besides, since spring Bess had been sharing far too many intimate details about their sex life, building into a feverish belief that she would only stay at Emerson until Ned graduated and they married.

Not that Ned had mentioned the word. Just that Bess was sure of it.

And Nancy had smiled and agreed, and when her boyfriend at the time had asked she had lost her virginity to him two weeks after Bess had lost hers to Ned, in an awkward, uncomfortable encounter at his parents' house.

When she had imagined Ned, after, imagined Ned's hands on her, imagined his familiar voice low and whispering her name in her ear, his the body pinning hers to the bed, she had felt a low, slow heat rise in her, guilty and shameful and awful and intoxicating.

And then she had buried it deep as she could, sure that if she didn't Bess would see it in her face, that even worse Ned would see it in her face, see that some nights she woke with her fingers curved between her legs and his name on her lips. She was more careful, after her first, waiting until she found one she convinced herself could be the one to make her forget, but they never were. Never would be.

She had a feeling Frank Hardy might be it, if she could ever get him to stop moving long enough. If her heart didn't feel like a hot weight in her chest when Ned saw the two of them together.

He wasn't going to leave Bess, and she knew that. He was too good a guy. That was why she liked him. And that was why she could trust herself to be at Emerson, without anything happening. She could trust him to keep her from doing anything she'd regret.

Yes. Definitely.

Even so, she had found herself wondering how sore he found the temptation, if he felt it at all.

\--

"You aren't by chance free for lunch today."

Nancy kept wrestling books from the plastic bag into her bookbag, her phone pressed between ear and shoulder. "And what if I am," she teased, as he so often did.

"Well, none of my frat buddies are here, and Bess is shopping, so I kind of told her I..."

"Say no more," Nancy chuckled, finally cramming the last book in. "Food court?"

"Where are you exactly?"

"The bookstore."

"Why don't I swing by and pick you up."

"Okay," she agreed, telling her suddenly galloping heart to slow.

"Is George with you?"

"No, but I can call her," Nancy said, glancing at her watch. George had been taking the extensive athletic complex tour, last she'd heard.

"Up to you," Ned replied, lightly. "See you in a few minutes."

Nancy did debate, for a grand total of possibly five seconds, and when she opted not to call George she could already feel that decision resonating. She was starting a dangerous precedent, and classes hadn't even begun.

But he was Ned. And they would be in broad daylight. And he'd never do anything to jeopardize his relationship with Bess; even more than that, Nancy would never do anything to threaten their friendship. Bess's feelings in this, especially in this, were far more important than her own, and Bess didn't know, couldn't know, not ever. George would feel just as hurt, just as indignant for her cousin.

And she was reading too much into it, she knew, sliding her sunglasses on and heading for the front doors. Having lunch with Ned was by no means high treason.

Even so, her heart skipped a beat when his car stopped in front of her, his gaze meeting hers.

"Hi," he said, his face relaxing into that familiar smile.

"Hi," she replied.

\--

She went along with the blind date for two reasons. She was missing Brad. Even if they'd only dated six weeks, he'd been... well, not the best boyfriend. He hated that she put herself in danger, ever. His idea of a great date was to put on a movie and make out in front of it, until he started wheedling in what she was sure he thought was a sexy voice, for them to go just a little further. He'd been kind of like an overprotective puppy, really. Making her eyes wide and protesting that she just wasn't ready had been child's play. He had been a pushover, and she hated that. But at least he was around, more than willing to be seen with her, to tell her how much he loved her. Or at least the idea of her.

She always felt at loose ends when she was between, and having a boyfriend on campus, or at least the prospect of one, heartened her to no small degree. Someone to have on speed dial as backup whenever Ned couldn't be around.

No. The other way. Someone to call when she needed help. She couldn't keep running to Ned.

The third reason, the one that was complicated and impossible to admit, even to herself, was obvious once Bess told her that this "sweet, fantastic, utterly amazing guy" was one of Ned's fraternity brothers, and that link, however fragile, was enough.

She was going to burn in hell for this, she knew. Burn. And she'd deserve it.

When she met him—and his name was Toby, for God's sake, and if Brad had been a puppy the name Toby reminded her even more of some large, dependable, probably slow-witted dog—she shook his hand and looked him in the eye and found herself thinking, coldly, That'll do.

And that was when she first knew she had to get out.

\--

Ned, in certain respects, was reckless. Not when it came to Bess, not when it came to her safety or that of Nancy and George, but of all the sports he played at Emerson, he was universally acknowledged as a main driving force on the Wildcat basketball team. He was no less respected on the football team, but they weren't the ones going to championships. Other people saw it as a waste of his talent.

She went to all his games, because Bess was there cheering him on, blowing him kisses, spending the night at his room at the fraternity.

The three of them were in the Omega Chi lounge, studying, when Ned poked his head in, freshly showered after practice, and introduced them to Steve, who bench-warmed on the football team but was quickly becoming an outstanding point guard on the basketball team.

And Toby wasn't holding her interest anyway.

She didn't wait; she couldn't. She broke things off with Toby and after the next party, the downstairs a tangle of sweaty bodies and sweet punch, she fucked Steve, his long slender body twisting under hers, his hands guiding her hips, his teeth in her lower lip.

Down the hall, she knew, Ned was fucking her best friend, telling her he loved her, so so much. Now there was no way Steve would ever love her, and she didn't care. He squeezed one of her nipples and she moaned into his mouth, grinding her hips down to his.

If she opened her eyes, she wouldn't see him.

She could be reckless too.

\--

Steve was still calling her at Thanksgiving, which annoyed and pleased her. Her distance, it seemed, only served to inflame him. She treated him with the utmost disdain and he was still coming back for more, desperate to see her. He didn't love her, but this was almost better. He just wanted to be inside her, and all she had to do was close her eyes and think of someone else, and it was just as meaningless, just as empty for the both of them.

Just as addictive.

But she ignored his calls. After the four-hour drive to Emerson, alone, Bess and George still out of town with their family, the campus was so quiet, still deserted. Nancy and Lydia managed to get along, if only because they spent as little time together as possible.

To think, she had been so resistant to the idea of rooming with Bess, afraid seeing her with Ned so much would drive her crazy. She had it all figured out now. All planned. For as long as Steve was at her beck and call, she was fine. This was just an itch he allowed her to scratch. And she was fine.

She went to the library and lost herself in the stacks, rummaging through the picked-over critical volumes, searching for another essay or two to round out her research. She bought a cup of coffee from the store on the lower floor and took it up to a carrel, staring out at the stripped trees, their bare branches stark against the pale-blue sky. Snow was coming; she could feel it, seeping through the windows, numbing her toes. The campus streets were practically deserted, the library itself too eerily quiet without the laughter and shouts of students from the quad beating against the high windows. She let her gaze drift, not thinking about Steve. He was a means to an end. He was to keep her from being lonely.

He was her link to Ned, her failsafe.

She caught herself wondering idly whether Steve had ever nudged Ned knowingly and made some comment about their sex life, when her gaze drifted down to the loading dock.

The green van with the twisted fender.

Immediately she pulled out her phone, speed-dialing Ned, and later she told herself it was because she didn't want to hear Steve's clingy whining, but she knew it was bullshit. When she needed someone she could depend on, she called Ned.

"The green van's at the loading dock at the library," she whispered when he picked up.

"Give me ten minutes," he replied.

The thrill of knowing she had found a new lead was almost enough to make her forget the joy of hearing his voice again. Almost.

\--

"There could've been anything in those boxes."

"I know." Nancy kicked at a stone, watching it skitter over the pavement. "But at least now we have some kind of pattern."

"Yeah," Ned agreed. They were quiet for a moment; she felt strangely serene. She knew whoever was driving the green van was behind the disappearance of computers from around campus. She just needed proof.

"So you're still seeing Steve?"

Her spine stiffened, and she had to force herself to relax. "Every now and then." She glanced over at Ned, who looked uncomfortable, and wondered for a second if sleeping with Steve had been a mistake, if it had only served to make Ned dislike her. Then she remembered that wasn't supposed to matter. "Why?"

Ned sighed. "I know he's been seeing other girls," he said slowly, reluctantly. "And Steve's a nice guy but I can't say he's incredibly faithful. I asked him and he said you two had an open relationship; I just wanted to make sure you..."

"Knew that," she finished, a small smile on her face. "Yeah, it's fine. But thanks for looking out for me," she said, bumping her shoulder against his arm.

"Hey, I just would hate to see you get hurt," he said, opening his arms. "And Steve would kill me if he heard me talking this way, but... you really deserve a guy who can commit to you, Nan."

"Like that's worked out so well before," she said wryly, shifting her books to her other arm. "How come you didn't say anything until now?"

He shrugged. "We haven't been alone."

That had been part of the deal she'd made with herself. She and Ned had talked to each other about cases, though, people who could be behind the cheating ring, the source of the fake IDs freshmen were using off-campus to put themselves into alcoholic comas. He could've said something.

_He worries about me_ , she thought, and her heart rose a bit.

"Hey, remember that movie I was telling you about? I found the tape of it while I was home for break. We should watch it. Before exams start. We could order a pizza."

She glanced over at him, looking for absolutely any sign that this was a test, a trick, a setup, anything in his face that would tell her this was more than two friends hanging out. She saw none of it. "Um," she began, as they approached Omega Chi, but Steve's car wasn't in the lot. He wouldn't see her blowing him off.

And besides, this wasn't a date.

"Sure," she said, smiling at his answering grin.

The pizza turned into pizza and beer, and they sat on his bed, legs straight out in front of them, eating pepperoni slices off paper plates. The movie was vintage Stallone, cheesy as hell, and they both mocked it relentlessly, their shouted critiques growing more savage with each progressive beer. During the climax of the movie she glanced over at him, a fond warmth rising in her chest. He was great, so great. She couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend for her best friend. She couldn't have asked for a better friend. And if all life held for her was this, this warm companionship, then she would take it, and live with it.

They cheered together at the credits, and after a soft knock, the door to Ned's room swung open.

"Ned," Steve began, and then he saw Nancy sitting on the bed next to him, and his expression went from open to carefully shuttered. Even though they were both fully clothed and obviously not doing anything.

"Hi Nan."

She nodded back at him. "How was your break?"

"Fine," he nodded. "Did you get my messages?"

She shook her head, lying smoothly. "You left me some?"

"Yeah," he replied, scrutinizing her. "Just wanted to see what you were up to. Nickerson, a few of the guys said something about a Virtual Fighter tournament..."

"I'll be right down," Ned replied, taking an unhurried swig of his beer.

With one last glance between the two of them, Steve left, and Nancy and Ned both let out a long breath.

"Well, thanks for the movie. And the pizza. And the beer. And now I guess I'd really better finish working on that paper," she said, slowly inching off the bed.

"I think Steve's probably waiting to corner you when you leave," Ned remarked. "You want me to walk you downstairs?"

Nancy considered for a moment, fighting the knee-jerk response that she could take care of herself. She could; she just didn't know if she wanted to waste the time, just now, to put Steve in his place again. "That'd be nice," she told him. They took their time clearing up the napkins and plates and pizza boxes, but even so, Steve was still waiting, making no real attempt to hide it.

Nancy headed off whatever he was going to say with a smile. "I'll call you later," she told him, gazing at him meaningfully, and he nodded. That was the way things were between them, the way they would stay.

"It's getting dark," Ned said, once they were on the porch. "And you've had too much to drink."

Most of her wanted him to volunteer his bed for the night. Most of her was terrified of what her answer would be.

"I really should walk you back."

She knew her face fell, so she looked away from him. "Yeah," she agreed, softly. "Except then you'll be drunk and walking back alone. So that doesn't solve anything."

"I'm fine," he said dismissively.

She shrugged. "Whatever you say," she teased him, setting off down the path.

"So you have someone you can get to run the plates?"

"For all the good that'll do." Nancy burrowed a little deeper into her coat, pulling the zipper up under her chin. "Anyone who isn't above stealing computers, wouldn't be above stealing a van too."

"Yeah," he agreed, and linked his arm through hers, as they made their stumbling way through campus.

Before she finished her paper, Nancy sat down at her desk and pulled up her contact's name to run the plates, and found herself smiling. She shook her head. Only a few weeks to get through before the semester ended and winter break began, thank God. And then she'd be back home in River Heights for a while—

With Bess and George home too, and Ned in Mapleton.

He had squeezed her hand before leaving her at the front of her dorm.

Nancy squeezed her eyes tight shut, clenching her fist. Didn't matter. It did not matter. He was her friend, and thinking about him any other way was just asking for trouble.

The plates were the dead end Nancy had thought they would be, and so the next Monday Nancy took the campus bus out to Omega Chi and pounded up the stairs, catching her breath before she tapped on one particular door.

"Come in."

Maury was the resident computer nerd, although he had always been unfailingly polite to Nancy, a far cry from the stereotypical socially-awkward nerd. Sure, he wore thick glasses with plastic frames, and every inch of wall space above his computer-crammed furniture was covered with posters for things Nancy had never heard of, but since Nancy had met him at the Omega Chi fall mixer, he had always been eager to help her out on her cases, in a way that didn't involve leering at her. And that was always welcome.

"So, Maury," Nancy began, swinging her bookbag down from her shoulder, "let's say I wanted to steal some computers from the campus labs."

Maury snorted with derision. "Unless you're talking about the CAD lab, you aren't really going to find a wide market," he teased. "At least, not in this particular room."

Nancy wrinkled her nose at him, perching very uneasily at the edge of Maury's other desk chair. "But I'm sure you've heard about the thefts."

Maury nodded, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "And considering the age of most of the computers in the labs, you're not looking for anyone very tech-savvy. They'd have to be wiped, and most of them are so buggy from user error anyway, and so old..."

To Nancy they looked new enough, but she shrugged as Maury turned back to his computer, answering some insistent chirping from a program. "But there are security measures in place anyway," she said.

Maury nodded again. "And the IT staff members who do maintenance on the labs can get around those. Give me a good pair of bolt cutters and I could, too."

Nancy sighed. "Well, if you think of anyone with the right skill set and motivation..."

"I'll let you know," Maury said, giving her a distracted wave before he began typing at an almost frantic speed.

Nancy was both pleased and disappointed when she didn't run into Ned on her way out of Omega Chi, and only after she was on her way to meet George for an early dinner did she acknowledge to herself that she had been hoping to run into him. When Steve texted her later, barely disguising the real reason for his wanting to see her, she ignored it. She had a final project she really needed to make some progress on, anyway.

Three days later, Nancy was tossing her binder and textbook into her backpack, searching her desk for her graphing calculator so she could head to a chemistry study session, when Lydia came in flipping through their mail. "Here," Lydia said in a bored voice, flopping down onto her twin bed with a glossy _Vogue_ magazine, eagerly flipping through the pages.

Nancy glanced down at the plain envelope Lydia had handed over. Her name and dorm address were printed in all caps, plain font, on a computer-fed label; no return address. It was the kind of bulk mailing format generally used for intercampus mail, but she found only a single sheet of paper inside, one line of type.

As soon as she read it, all thought of going to the chemistry session went right out of her head. She grabbed for her cell phone, frantically pulling up Ned's contact information, ignoring Lydia's raised eyebrow at her roommate's sudden agitation.

"Pick up pick up pick _up_ ," Nancy chanted, sprinting the few steps to the closet so she could grab her other bag, the one she kept packed for situations just like this one. When the call flipped over to Ned's voicemail, Nancy hung up, then sent him a text message telling him where she was going to be. She didn't bother calling Bess, because if Ned wasn't answering Bess probably wouldn't be either—and as much as she loved Bess, she would probably need more muscle for this situation.

Nancy had just finished composing and sending a backup text message to George when she reached the Clarke Building. The CAD lab was in the western part of the building, and if the tip in the note she had just received was right, the thieves had figured out the perfect plan: they worked in broad sight, either impersonating IT staff or using the IT staff's actual codes and materials.

Nancy shifted her bag on her shoulder as she did a brisk circuit of the building, looking for the green van with the twisted fender as confirmation. Since the time was after the on-campus parking pass enforcement period, many of the lots were filling up, and the dim light meant she had to scrutinize the larger vehicles.

Then she saw the van, and stopped dead, her mind racing as she considered. She could hide inside the van and let the thieves transport her back to their headquarters—if they had one; otherwise she would just be stranded at someone's dorm or house. However, she remembered the lab from her campus tour, and the displays were large and top of the line, the CPUs powerful. If she asked Maury, she was sure he would say they were worth a lot more than the generic workhorse PCs from the other labs. She couldn't let them get away with stealing the design computers.

Then a guy came around the van wearing a black polo and khakis, a ballcap pulled low over his face, even though it was twilight.

Nancy set her jaw and felt in her bag for her can of pepper spray. She had to be careful, though. Just the fact that he was dressed that way didn't mean he was one of the thieves, and she hadn't seen him come out of the van.

Nancy ducked her head, but she could feel his gaze on her.

When the computers had first started disappearing, Nancy had made a mental note of the locations of the security cameras near the labs. One camera was covering the main entrance of the Clarke Building, but the lab had a side entrance, well-lit but more secluded. Nancy saw another guy open the lab's side door and hold it ajar, dressed similarly to the guy she was following, and she saw a pair of bolt cutters in his hand.

"Hey!" Nancy called out, her voice harsh, and set off toward them.

The first guy set off at a run. The second, the one who had the bolt cutters in his grasp, was a little slower, and Nancy was able to catch up with him. She caught him by the wrist and he swung around, slashing the cutters through the air in a vicious arc, directly for her face.

Nancy ducked, her heart beating wildly as she tried to get out of the way. The guy wrenched away from her and she gave chase, groping for her cell phone. If she managed to snap a picture of him and show it to the campus police, at least they would have a starting point.

"Hey!"

Ned's voice.

Nancy glanced back, and with an extra burst of speed she managed to tackle the guy she was chasing. He scrabbled away from her, though, kicking viciously. His toe caught Nancy in the side, knocking the wind out of her, and when he kicked out again, his heel made solid contact with Nancy's collarbone.

And she passed out for a second from the pain, distantly aware that Ned was approaching, his shoes pounding on the pavement. The guy scrambled away, and she could hear the clatter of metal. He left the bolt cutters on the pavement in his haste.

"Nancy!"

Nancy kept her eyes closed and let out her breath in a soft moan. She felt warm hesitant fingers on her cheek, and when she tried to force herself to sit up, a sudden wave of nausea swept over her.

"Nan, are you okay?"

Nancy grimaced as she opened her eyes. Ned was gazing down at her, his brown eyes alight with concern. Nancy moaned quietly again, trying to struggle to a seated position. A pair of headlights swept over them and Ned shielded his eyes as he very gently touched her cheek again.

"Shh. Stay still. That guy really hurt you, didn't he?"

Nancy swallowed, reaching up, but just the thought of touching her neck made her cringe. "Mmm," she managed.

Ned had managed to get a good look at the guy who had assaulted Nancy, and recognized him as another basketball-team hopeful on the same day Ned had tried out. He carefully gathered the bolt cutters without smudging any prints the guy had left on them, then escorted Nancy to the infirmary. She had no doubt that, from the anxiety on his face, he would gladly have carried her there in his arms, but Nancy told him she was fine waiting for the bus. While they sat at the stop Nancy's cell went off, and Nancy replied to George, telling her she was okay, she'd had a break in the case but she didn't need any more backup. Another wave of nausea swept over her, and Ned asked if she was feeling okay, gently patting her back until the bus showed up.

Ned was pale and clearly worried until the nurse checked Nancy out, telling her that she was badly bruised, but ice and pain reliever would help. She offered to set up an appointment for Nancy to get some x-rays, just to confirm that she hadn't fractured anything, but Nancy begged off, promising that she would call to set up the appointment if she experienced more intense pain.

Ned wasn't happy about that, Nancy could tell, but he insisted on escorting her back to her dorm, even though Nancy promised she was fine.

"I'll be okay, I swear," Nancy said, wincing at the pain in her shoulder as she moved her bag. "If anything I'm mad at myself. I have a chemistry test to study for, and I still didn't manage to catch these assholes red-handed."

"Nan, you _did_ ," Ned said. "I'll drop off the bolt cutters after I leave and the campus police will have fingerprints and that van to go on, and I'll ask Mike tonight who that guy was. You're so close."

Nancy made a slight face at him. "Yeah, just close enough to turn the whole thing over to the cops and let them solve it."

"Look, I'll call you as soon as I talk to Mike, okay? Then you'll know first, if that's what's important to you."

They had reached Nancy's dorm, and Nancy keyed into the main entrance, Ned following her inside. The perpetual smell of slightly burnt microwave popcorn and ramen noodles hung in the air, along with a faint whiff of dirty laundry. It wasn't glamorous, but then the dorms never really seemed to be.

"Well..." Nancy sighed. "I guess that would be okay."

Ned smiled at her, but the smile faded when he looked at the discolored smudge on her neck, the mark left by the guy's sole. "I worry about you," he said softly. "I wish you'd waited until I got there—"

"And miss them going in? I had no idea if you even got my message—"

"Which is even worse!" Ned pointed out, his jaw tight. "If something had happened to you..."

Nancy swallowed. "I'm a big girl, Ned. I can make my own decisions."

"I never said you couldn't," he said, shaking his head. "I just... I hate seeing you hurt."

Nancy gazed up at him. The pain pills still hadn't quite kicked in, and she really wanted to get upstairs and put some ice on her bruised skin, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him goodnight just yet, either. "I'll be okay," she told Ned, her voice soft. "Really. Don't worry about me."

Ned looked down, and when he glanced back up, when his fingers touched her chin again, she hated herself so, so much for the warmth it sent radiating through her, the sudden ache in her throat. She was so stupid, and oh, every time he touched her, every time he told her he cared about her, some small, terrible part of her wished he meant something more.

And then, suddenly, so damn suddenly, his gaze dropped to her lips, and Ned bent to her, pressing his mouth to hers, and Nancy went momentarily weak.

She knew she was a terrible person because she didn't wrench away from him immediately, and he was a terrible person for kissing her in the first place. She felt suddenly swooning drunk at the touch of his lips against hers, her pulse pounding in her ears.

But he wasn't _hers._ He was Bess's boyfriend, and reminding herself of that fact made Nancy sick and disgusted with herself, even as her stomach filled with butterflies.

And she knew when he pulled back, both of them wide-eyed, lips parted, her heart in her throat, that she could never, never, _never_ let that happen again.


	2. Chapter 2

Nancy looked at herself in the mirror. She knew she shouldn't be so anxious, but she couldn't help it. She wanted to look good, but not too good.

And she wished with all her heart that she could just get out of going, but it was their yearly tradition, and she was being ridiculous. If he could get through it, so could she.

Nancy, George, Bess, and Ned had been going to the lake to ice skate over winter break since Bess and Ned had started going out; then they went to dinner and exchanged gifts. It just didn't feel like Christmas unless they did it. And it was the first time Nancy was going to be seeing him, really, since—since the thing had happened.

Ned had called her the day after, just as he'd promised, but when he had cleared his throat after he'd given her the news about the case and started talking, Nancy had managed to stammer out an excuse to get off the phone and had practically hung up on him. She didn't want to hear him make excuses over what happened, to tell her that he loved her best friend, that it couldn't happen again. She already knew that.

She just didn't know how the hell she was going to get through this, but Bess was her friend, and she was going to just suck it up. It had been a mistake. He had been upset when she had been hurt. That was all.

That had to be all. Had to be.

She wanted to wear black, but in the end Nancy deliberately chose a navy and pale-blue striped sweater and jeans over her silken long johns—the ice was terribly cold, especially when they spent much time on it—and bundled into her coat, the butterflies in her stomach making her feel almost sick. She checked one last time to make sure she had all her friends' gifts before calling a goodbye to Hannah and departing for the lake.

She had been able to see Bess without letting herself think about it, but when she saw Bess and Ned together, holding hands out on the ice, smiling at each other, her heart burned in her chest. She knew she should tell Bess what had happened, but it had been harmless and knowing would only hurt her, and she had no intention of it ever happening again.

She couldn't forget how warm his fingers had felt against her skin, his lips against hers...

"Earth to Nan."

Even though it was killing her to see Bess and Ned together, looking away almost hurt more. Nancy glanced over at George. The two of them had been ice skating from such a young age that it was effortless, and when George stuck her tongue out, Nancy chuckled and grabbed George's hand so they could spin together on the ice.

Nancy knew she had to forget about it. She had to put it out of her head.

_What would you do if you had seen him kissing someone else? You'd tell her. You owe her that._

The thought made Nancy's stomach sink past her feet, and just made her resolve even more strongly to make sure Bess never knew. And that it would never happen again.

After their trip to the pond for ice skating, the four of them went to a small homestyle Italian restaurant that had just opened on the outskirts of River Heights, close to Chicago. The building had most recently been a Mexican restaurant, and Nancy could still see the same stucco walls and the rustic bar, but the place had been repainted and decorated with small artificial trees strewn with tiny white lights.

Nancy and George sat across the table from Ned and Bess, and while Nancy was glad Ned wasn't directly across from her, she still found it hard to look away from him, or to meet Bess's eyes. Bess looked preppy and adorable in her fuzzy light-pink tunic-length sweater and jeans; while she had been able to skate nearly as long as Nancy and George, she still liked clinging to Ned's arm out on the ice, taking tentative steps, making sure he was there, and he always was. He was sweet and attentive to her, even though Nancy knew from personal experience that Ned was an amazing skater.

"All right, Bess. Calamari?" George had an almost teasing tone in her voice.

Bess wrinkled her pert nose, glancing over the menu. "Can we get the sampler platter? That way Ned can get the mushrooms and I can have the mozzarella sticks and you two can have... ugh. The _squid_." Bess shivered a little.

Nancy looked down at the menu, running her fingers through her hair and letting it fall against her cheeks, hoping to disguise the soft blush she could feel rising. Ned had tasted calamari for the first time when he had been on a case with them, and while he had been a little tentative at first, eventually he and Nancy had been fighting over the last piece, his brown eyes warm as they laughed at each other—

_Stop it_ , Nancy told herself firmly. _Oh God, stop it. No._

When Bess ordered the chicken parmesan, George made a face at her. "What? I know I love it," Bess said defensively, then turned to gaze at her boyfriend. "I like to stick with what I know."

Ned kissed Bess's cheek and Nancy looked down, trying to keep herself from frowning.

Ned ordered the seafood medley with linguini, and George ordered the mushroom risotto with grilled chicken and a side salad. Nancy, still feeling a little unpleasantly shaky, opted to try the house special of stuffed pork chops with mashed potatoes and a side salad.

Bess patted her belly ruefully when the waiter took their menus and went to place their orders. "I should've gone with a salad," she said, looking down, and Nancy didn't miss the split-second glance she sent in Ned's direction. Bess had always been insecure about her weight, and she loved when Ned reassured her that she was gorgeous just as she was, and he always did. Nancy hated the still, small voice in her that wondered nastily whether Bess had always just been fishing for a compliment. She knew Bess hadn't; she had witnessed firsthand Bess's struggles with crash diets and juice fasts.

She realized that what really upset her was how incredibly sweet Ned was with her best friend.

For the years Ned and Bess had been dating, everyone had been envious of their relationship, and Nancy had never said anything, but she had been the worst for it. She saw the affection and tenderness in Ned's eyes when he looked at Bess, and Nancy's heart ached when she looked at her boyfriends the same way—and never saw them look at her that way in return. Ned treated Bess like she was precious to him, without treating her like a spoiled, entitled princess; Nancy's boyfriends had always ever used presents as apologies, or to say the words they couldn't.

Nancy had spent so long watching them that she was beginning to believe Ned truly _was_ one in a million, and she despaired of ever finding a guy who would treat her even a tenth as well as Ned treated her best friend.

And Bess deserved it; that, Nancy couldn't deny. Nancy loved Bess like a sister. She hated herself for sometimes wondering what would have happened if, somehow, she had met Ned first. Would he look at her that way? Or would he have been just like the others, quick to try to cajole her into bed, either too weak to help her on cases or too dismissive of how important those cases were to her?

By the time their entrees arrived, after the four of them had split the appetizer sampler, Nancy was in a thoroughly bad mood, and it took everything she had to keep even the faintest smile on her face. They were celebrating the holiday, spending time together, and she hated that she was letting that stupid slip they'd made—

_He'd made_ , she reminded herself. She hadn't been the one who had drawn his face down to hers, pressed her mouth to his—

Nancy took a long sip of her diet soda, trying to cover that damned blush in her cheeks. She should have trusted her instincts and left that last package at home. It would be a mistake to give it to him.

But he was acting like everything was normal, and she could, too. He was being the adult here. And if he had no intention of acknowledging what had happened between them or letting it affect the way he acted around his girlfriend—

She wanted to be mad at him. Oh, she wanted to be furious. But all she felt was afraid. She was afraid Ned would confess what had happened to Bess and Bess would hate her for the rest of their lives. She was afraid it would happen again, and that she wouldn't do anything to stop it; she was afraid that he really _would_ treat it like it had never happened, and that brief kiss would be the only one.

And she hated herself so, so much for feeling that way.

Even so, when the girls went to the restroom before their entrees came, Nancy just washed her hands and came back to the table quickly. Ned had gone outside to take a phone call, probably from his parents. Nancy could tell from the look on his face.

Those damned butterflies were back in her stomach when Nancy reached into her bag and took out her present for Ned, then wrapped it up in his scarf, making sure to hide it well before she let the scarf drape casually over the distinctive bulk of the gift again.

For the three Christmases they had been together, all four of them had exchanged gifts with each other. Last year, though, Nancy had found something extra. It had been no big deal, nothing large or extravagant, just a single she had found while browsing through the records in a music store. It was Ned's favorite song by one of his favorite bands, and when she had given it to him one on one, mumbling that it was just a little something, her heart had risen traitorously when she had seen the genuine delight in his eyes as he had opened it. Two days later, Nancy had found a small package waiting on the doorstep when she had gone out to get the mail. No postage on it, and it was addressed in Ned's handwriting; he had wrapped it and driven it over himself, but had left without giving it to her in person. Since Nancy had waited until they were alone to give him the record, she could kind of understand the impulse.

Inside she had found a necklace, the chain holding three charms: a handmade typewriter key charm with her initial on it, a small skeleton key, and a miniature magnifying glass charm that, to her delight, actually did function. She had read the note folded inside the box with it with her heart in her throat.

_Saw this when Mom dragged me antiquing and it made me think of you. Corny, right? Thanks so much again for the record, Nan, and hope you have a happy Christmas. N._

None of the boyfriends she had ever had, had given her a gift so meaningful or personal. When Bess had commented on the necklace the first time she had worn it, Nancy had been evasive about how it had come into her possession, and Ned definitely hadn't made any comment about his role in it. It felt like a secret between them, whenever she wore the necklace, even though nothing about the note had made her think it was anything more than a genuine thanks for the record she had given him.

So, at the end of the summer, when she had been visiting her aunt in New York and they had gone to a few vintage clothing stores to find pieces for a costume party Eloise was planning on attending, Nancy had glanced over the jewelry and had been shocked when she lucked upon a vintage Omega Chi fraternity pin. She had wheedled the shop owner into giving her a discount, and even though she had still spent just a little more on it than she had thought it was worth, she had still been excited at the prospect of giving it to him. Ned loved being at Emerson, loved being a member of Omega Chi, and she had thought it would be a present he would appreciate.

Nancy loved giving gifts her friends appreciated. Hannah said her keen observation and analytical mind were responsible; her father said it was just another way she liked to help people, by figuring out what they wanted or needed and providing it.

But every year, for his birthday and for Christmas, Bess was always at a loss for what to give her boyfriend. She pored over magazines and polled everyone for suggestions, and gave Ned beautiful cashmere sweaters or more of his favorite aftershave, when Ned surprised her with lovely earrings and necklaces set with glittering stones. Nancy had always felt her stomach twist in jealousy when Bess displayed them, but when Ned had given her that necklace, she hadn't felt quite so jealous of Bess. Any guy could give his girlfriend a topaz pendant. The necklace Ned had given Nancy had taken actual attention and thoughtfulness.

A part of her had been sure then, was even more sure now, that she should have refused the gift, but it physically hurt her to even entertain that idea. It was just a gift between friends, nothing more; she had to believe that.

And then she wondered if Ned would give Bess the pin, as a symbol of their commitment to each other, and she felt sick at the thought—but by then Ned was walking back in, and George and Bess were returning from the restroom.

The four of them made pleasant conversation over dinner, discussing their plans with their families over break, before they placed their dessert orders and exchanged gifts. Bess gave George a gift card to a sporting goods store, Nancy an on-the-go makeup palette she swore would only take her a few seconds to use, and Ned a melting look as she told him that his gift was waiting back at her parents' house. Ned gave Nancy a vintage book on codebreaking—"You don't have it already, do you?" he asked anxiously when she unwrapped it, and she shook her head, smiling despite her bad mood—and George an indestructible water bottle like the one he had, that George had lusted after. Whatever he was giving Bess was back at his parents' house as well, and Nancy hoped that even if he did decide to give the pin to Bess, he wouldn't do so quite yet, that he would keep it for at least a little while. George gave Nancy a set of classic mystery movies, Bess a set of glittery nail polishes that Bess immediately insisted she and George should both wear the next time they all went out, and Ned a gift card to the same sporting goods store, which made them both laugh. Nancy gave Bess a certificate for an hour-long massage and facial treatment at a cute little spa in Emersonville; George a keychain with a compass to replace the one she had broken a few months earlier, a digital combination climate indicator, and a small LED flashlight so she could see even if she was jogging in near-dark; and Ned a pair of headphones meant specifically for runners, so that he could run and listen to music without worrying about his headphones slipping off the way his current ones did.

The three girls were delighted with their presents, and so was Ned. When their desserts arrived Ned and Bess split a slice of praline caramel cheesecake drizzled in chocolate ganache, and Nancy and George each had a scoop of peppermint gelato sprinkled with dark chocolate shavings. Without being obvious about it, when they were all struggling into their coats and scarves and preparing to go back into the snow and cold, Nancy watched to make sure Ned found the small package she had left wrapped in his scarf, and saw him slip it into his own pocket.

In the parking lot Nancy said goodbye to her friends, and felt honestly sad when she hugged Bess, resolving again that by the time the spring semester started, she would have this turmoil dealt with and they would be back to normal. Bess and George's families spent a lot of time together over the holidays, and Ned would be there with Bess; Nancy usually spent her time with Hannah and her father, and Steve had wished Nancy a nice holiday without indicating that he had any interest in visiting her, which was fine with her. She had a feeling that he wanted her to visit him, or at least to beg him to visit her, which she would be damned if she would do.

Another Christmas alone. Another Christmas at home, trying not to imagine how Bess's parents were undoubtedly fawning over Ned, how Ned's parents were probably imagining Bess being their daughter-in-law one day...

And he had kissed her.

Nancy made her goodbye to Ned brief, not meeting his eyes, and by the time she climbed into her car alone, the tears she had been swallowing all day long were rising in her eyes. She scrabbled for a tissue in her purse, impatiently wiping them away before they could streak through her makeup, then reached into her pockets, looking for her car keys.

Her fingers brushed a small unyielding object that hadn't been there before. When she pulled it out of her pocket, she didn't recognize it; it was small, wrapped in shiny blue paper, tied in a single white ribbon.

Nancy forced herself to drive home, calmly greet her father and Hannah, and tell them she was going to go upstairs to get changed before she opened it, her bedroom door closed and her fingers shaking.

Inside she found a ring. The faceted onyx stone was large, the setting an antiqued sterling silver. It was a piece of costume jewelry, and even though she wasn't sure what she had been expecting, she felt a little deflated when she studied it. She looked in the box, but he hadn't included a note.

Then she realized what the ring was, and found the delicate catch. The stone was a hollow shell; the cavity inside wasn't terribly large, but it was secret, and she felt a little thrill of excitement over her belly when she saw it. A poison ring.

A slip of paper was folded up inside. Nancy took it out and unfolded it quickly.

_I miss you._   
_Merry Christmas, Nan._   
_N._

Nancy was horrified when her sight blurred with tears, and she walked the few steps to her bed, her knees going weak before she sat down hard, the ring and the note still in her hands.

The note was innocent, but it made her feel miserable.

She was trying so hard not to read anything into it, but she could feel everything she wished he was really saying, and it killed her. She wanted him to mean that the kiss hadn't just been a fluke or a mistake. She wanted him to mean that he missed being with her.

But he was with Bess. He was probably with Bess even now. And no matter what she wanted the note to say, she knew what it _needed_ to mean. He was with Bess, what had happened between them was just a terrible mistake, and they were never going to talk about it again. Because Bess was one of Nancy's best friends in the entire world, and no matter what, she wasn't going to do anything that could hurt Bess. She wasn't.

Besides, if he was the kind of guy who actually _would_ cheat on his girlfriend like this, she didn't want him anyway, Nancy told herself savagely.

Nancy wiped the tears from her cheeks and walked over to her desk, to the drawer where she kept the note he had given her with the necklace. Carefully she folded the one she had found in the ring and pushed it deep into the drawer, then looked at the ring. Her heart fluttered and she put it down on her dresser before she stripped out of her sweater and jeans, finding her flannel pajamas. She wiped off her makeup, bathing her swollen eyes in cold water until they looked almost normal again.

By the time she made it back downstairs, she had almost regained her equilibrium. The time apart would be good. By the time she saw him again, she would be okay again.

She had to be.

\--

Two things happened as soon as Nancy parked her car outside her dorm with a suitcase full of clean, warm sweaters and a stack of heavy blankets, along with one of Hannah's fresh-baked care packages full of lemon bars, bar cookies, and brownies.

She looked down at her cell phone, at the four text messages Steve had sent her, and decided to break things off with him. For the first few days of break he had left her alone, but his texts had become more and more needy, and the thought of spending time with him just made her feel depressed.

In the meantime, though, she needed something to keep her busy, so she decided to follow up with the few feelers she had put out on the campus newspaper.

Ned texted her that first night back, too, but she ignored it, telling herself it was for the best. The next time they were alone together, she would just make it clear that they had fucked up, that she wasn't going to tell Bess, but it couldn't happen again.

When Lydia tossed off a desultory mention of a party that first night back, Nancy went along, her fake ID in her pocket, her eye makeup dramatically smoky. Five or six guys made definite overtures before one guy's gaze locked on her, and Nancy stared back at him, in open challenge, feeling that desperate grasping recklessness again. She recognized him; his name was Colin, he was vice president of Delta Tau Delta, an upperclassman, and incredibly hot.

Then she ignored him for the rest of the night, and by the end of the party they were back in his room, his mouth fused to hers, his hands fumbling with her fly. She had no illusions at all that he was a good long-term prospect, but she didn't give a fuck. She just needed someone to take her mind off her loneliness and guilt, and he seemed eager enough.

Even so, Nancy was startled when she and George were standing in line for the food court on the first day of class and George commented, "So, who's the guy?"

"What?" Nancy asked, wondering if she had somehow misunderstood George over the din. On the first day of class, campus was always a total madhouse.

George tugged a little at the collar of her sweater, nodding at Nancy's neck. Nancy blushed just a little. She had been sure that her collar covered the hickey before she had left the room that morning, but apparently it hadn't, quite.

"What did I miss?" Bess asked breathlessly, having shouldered through the line to get to them, ignoring several pointed stares and mumbled comments. "Oh shit, Nan, I thought you said you broke up with Steve?"

Nancy glanced around, feeling just a little self-conscious. "I met a guy," she explained, telling them about the party and Colin. Bess immediately knew who he was; George needed more explanation.

"Nan, he's... pretty much a player," Bess said hesitantly. "I mean, no offense..."

Nancy shrugged. "I know he is," she said easily. "So what? We're just having a good time."

Bess and George glanced at each other. Bess had a fried chicken sandwich and fries on her tray; George had opted for a grilled chicken salad-stuffed spinach wrap with mixed fruit. Nancy had a grilled chicken salad and honey mustard dressing, and a yogurt and fruit parfait.

After they managed to squeeze into a corner table, Bess shook her head, taking the bun off her sandwich so she could dress it with lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise. "Nan, look, I'm sorry things didn't work out with Brad—or Toby, or Steve—but Colin? You deserve a guy who will treat you right. Plus you don't have that much hair left to lose."

Nancy's hair was trimmed to shoulder-length, and while she had been at the salon, the stylist had offered to give her lowlights, and she had shrugged in agreement. She didn't care what her hair looked like. She didn't care what she wore or what she ate. She kept hoping that the excitement of being with Colin would cheer her up, but she couldn't lie to herself about their relationship. They didn't have one, and she didn't want one.

This thing between her and Ned still lingered, and she couldn't talk to either of her friends about it; she was even more terrified of the thought of talking to Ned about it. But maybe, she told herself, maybe hearing the words from his lips, hearing him say that it had just been a terrible mistake, never to be repeated, would be good for her.

The tip Hugh Allen gave her the next time she went by the campus newspaper office, though, was _definitely_ enough to perk her up. The editor had received a note alleging that high-profile student athletes the administration was desperate to keep playing at Emerson, usually on some sports-based scholarship, were put into specific classes with specific teachers to keep their GPAs at the right level, regardless of their actual effort in the class. According to the author of the note, who definitely seemed to become angrier and angrier throughout, it was an open secret that the college was desperate to keep covered up, to keep their sports programs out of jeopardy.

Nancy glanced up at Hugh, her blue eyes bright, when she finished reading the note, but Hugh shook his head. "We can't touch that with a ten-foot pole," he said.

"But don't you want to expose corruption, and—"

"And can you really imagine that anyone involved in that kind of thing would be eager to talk about it? Just a whiff of this kind of scandal and everyone will get lawsuit-happy. The administration, the parents of the athletes... and which athletes, which classes?"

"So if you had proof?"

"If we had proof?" Hugh let out a low whistle. "If we had proof this could launch some of our _careers_. No pounding the pavement for a year after we graduate just to get a per-word contract on movie reviews. I mean, yeah, maybe it would just be another day at the office for you, Drew..."

Nancy shook her head. "I just can't imagine that Dean Jarvis or some of the other administrators I've met here would be involved in this kind of thing," she said. "Much less some of my teachers."

Hugh shrugged. "Set it up right and not that many people _need_ to be involved," he pointed out.

Nancy looked down at the note again. She'd heard the breath of such rumors before, and it couldn't hurt to check. She didn't even mind if her investigation functioned only to serve to debunk the rumor, in all honesty. Because some of those rumors she had heard before had involved Ned.

Ned. Ned would know. But she definitely didn't want to ask him.

Colin texted her that afternoon once he was out of class, and when she headed over to the Delta house, she was ready to ask him if he knew anything about teachers who seemed to be easier on jocks. Colin definitely didn't have talking on his mind, though.

He put his clothes back on once he was finished, not that he had even bothered taking that many off, and Nancy closed her eyes, blindly groping for her panties as he sat down at his computer desk. Bess's words came back to her, but it wasn't like she and George hadn't been looking for good guys. It wasn't like this was what she wanted forever. But if Colin represented all she could have, she would take it. At least when his body was moving against hers, his fingers buried in her hair as he groaned in pleasure, the emptiness was swallowed in the momentary euphoria...

And she felt it, what she always forgot later, what she always felt after an interlude like this one. She had felt empty before; now it was a hundred times worse. She felt used. Especially when she compared what she had just been through, every session she had spent in Colin's bed, to Bess's descriptions of the way it was when she and Ned made love.

Because they made love. The way she described it was like a movie, the tenderness, the way they were matched and so deliriously happy, the way he held her after. Nancy had never had that. She'd had sex, and sometimes it had felt amazing, but none of her boyfriends had ever made love to her.

She was beginning to think it was just an illusion, just a lie. Ned and Bess's relationship had just given her totally unrealistic expectations, and she didn't need a guy like that to be happy. She needed her cases and her friends and family, and this, what had just happened in Colin's bed, had no part of that.

On her way out, when she passed through the lounge, she mentioned that she had a friend on the basketball team who had screwed up during registration and needed some suggestions for what to pick up during drop-add. A few of the guys, maybe eager to nail Colin's leftovers, tried to chat her up, but she jotted down a few tips that sounded halfway legit.

This early in the semester, Nancy didn't have much homework, so after she finished her first discussion board posting in her philosophy class, she pulled up one of the more popular rate-your-professor sites, cross-checking what the Delta guys had told her against the reviews at the site.

Three of the teachers—Wikowski, Perrinault, and Munn—were listed as being super-easy, under the right circumstances, though their classes were boring. Nancy saw that Wikowski's reviews, though, were disgruntled after the most recent semester. Four students complained that they had been told he was easy, but he had definitely been a lot stricter when they'd had him. One had a screen name Nancy deciphered as probably belonging to the star shortstop on the baseball team.

Nancy looked up the professor's office number, and decided to go by his office the next day, just to feel him out. When she heard her phone go off, she half expected to see a message from George or Bess, maybe even one from Colin—but she saw Ned's name on the screen.

She frowned, shaking her head before she tossed the phone back on the bed.

Wikowski's office was in the sleek Carramore Hall building, near the English department. On her way back from her history class the next day, bundled up in her most heavily padded jacket, a warm knitted scarf wrapped securely around her throat and her fingers chilled even in her leather gloves, she trudged through the snow to Carramore, breathing out in a little shivery sigh when the heat kicked in and began to reach her through the layers of her coat. After a few minutes of searching she found his office, but was disappointed to find it dark. She made a note of his posted office hours, still debating on what she would say when she came by to talk to him.

Nancy was just refastening her coat, getting ready to brave the cold again, when the side door swung open. She finished tugging on her glove before she glanced up.

Ned was standing there.

She had forgotten. He did work study in the English department.

And as soon as their gazes met, she was paralyzed. Even though she willed herself to move, to shoulder past him, she found that she couldn't do it.

"I've been texting you," Ned said, his voice quiet but firm.

Nancy ducked her head, once. "Th-thanks for the present," she said, working hard to keep her voice level. "It was really thoughtful."

Ned's anxious expression softened a little. "And thanks so much for the one you gave me," he said. "I couldn't believe you found that."

Despite herself, Nancy smiled. "I'm glad you liked it," she said, then reminded herself of what they needed to talk about—but she found she couldn't do it. Maybe—maybe they could just never talk about it, never bring it up again, and eventually it would be like it had never happened. Like she had only dreamed of what the touch of his mouth against hers would feel like.

She began to move past him, but Ned reached out and touched her arm. "Look, Nancy, I'm really sorry about what happened—"

A lump rose in Nancy's throat. Of course he was sorry. "I know," she said, her voice clipped. "I'm sorry too, and it's over, it's done, okay? So let's just not talk about it."

"Nancy—"

"Please," she said, shaking her head, and her voice started trembling. She dropped it to a rough whisper. "It never happened, okay? It never happened."

He started to say something else but Nancy couldn't do it. She couldn't stand there one more minute, feeling his gaze on her. She pulled away from him and took the few steps to the door, and as soon as she was outside, she locked her hands at her bookbag straps to keep it stable and began to run, her long legs putting as much distance between them as quickly as she dared. And then she was just running because she couldn't stop, getting away from him, away from _it_ , away from this terrible thing they had done and her terrible, terrible wish that it might happen again.

She would never hurt Bess that way ever again.

He was _sorry_.

She tried to blink it away but the snow was blinding her, the snow and the terrible pressure behind her eyes, her vision wavering as the hot tears rose again. She blinked a pair down her cold cheeks and ran harder, trying her best to get away from it. If she ran fast enough, it wouldn't find her—

This sudden agonizing certainty that he was sorry they had ever met.

The world was white and cold, deserted, behind her. He hadn't come after her.

She had herself under control again by the time she reached her dorm room, although she had to hastily wipe her eyes and nose; she was infinitely glad that her roommate wasn't in. She was just unfastening her coat, feeling in her pocket for her cell phone and hoping the display would be blank, when she saw an envelope on the floor near their door, where it had been slid underneath. Her name was written on it, in block print.

She took a fresh tissue out of the box, picking it up by the corner and carefully opening it.

_Keep your nose out of other people's business, Drew. Or I can guarantee you'll be sorry._


	3. Chapter 3

"Nan? I need a favor."

Three days had passed since Nancy had received the threatening note, and she was still deciding on a plan of action. Ned hadn't tried to contact her again, a fact for which she felt infinitely grateful. It was better this way. It had been a mistake and now it just hadn't happened.

Even so, when she heard Bess's voice, she still felt that momentary pang of guilt. "Sure."

"It's going to involve a shopping trip."

Nancy chuckled. "When does it not," she teased her friend. She needed to get another box of condoms, anyway. Whenever she had found herself tempted to call Ned or talk to him, she had gone to Colin, and while a part of her knew that the more often they had sex, the more quickly he would tire of her, she knew she could always just find someone else.

There had to be someone else.

Nancy was pulling up the supplemental website for her chemistry class as Bess kept talking. "I just..." Bess sighed. "Something's different about Ned."

Nancy hated that her heart actually leapt—and then her fear that he would confess to Bess crashed through her, killing the wave of euphoria. "How so?"

"Oh... I don't know. Maybe we could meet for dinner and talk about it?"

Nancy resisted the impulse to ask why Bess wasn't having dinner with Ned, and the hesitance she felt. Spending time around Bess still made her feel guilty. "I have some math homework..."

"Come on, Nan, please? I'd feel a lot better if I could talk to you."

Nancy relented, although she asked if they could do it in an hour, and most of that she wasted worrying about what Bess was going to say when she showed up. As a good faith gesture she pulled out the makeup palette Bess had given her and applied some of the lip gloss, ignoring the guilt she felt when she looked at it.

Bess had given her such a pretty gift, and Nancy had kissed her boyfriend.

Nancy had mostly succeeded in putting it out of her head when she met her friend at a pizza place right beside campus. The restaurant was always bustling and loud, and after they placed their orders and snagged a small two-seater table, Bess's feet dangling above the stool's legs, Bess took a long sip of her soda and cleared her throat.

"So I have to take bio again."

"Oh, man, that sucks."

Bess shrugged, absently blotting the grease off her pepperoni slice. "Yeah. I talked to my advisor and she said I had to, but honestly? When the hell am I gonna need bio, anyway?"

"Have you decided on your major yet?"

When they had started at Emerson, Nancy and George had declared their majors, while Bess had still been undecided. "Eh. Does it really matter? I mean, I'll be here until Ned graduates, and then we'll be moving in together, starting our family..."

Nancy had to work on not openly gaping at her friend. While Bess had never been the strongest student, or very interested in school at all, she hadn't expected her to say something like this. "But... you were looking at drama, at design school..."

"I know, but the plays? All the practice and rehearsals and everything happens when Ned has games, and I have to be there. And that's part of why I just kind of started blowing off bio, too. I mean, what the hell, why would I want to be there Thursday afternoons anyway?" Bess took a large bite of her slice.

Nancy tried to keep her voice even. "But if Ned knew you were blowing off your bio lab just to see his games... I just can't imagine him being happy with that."

Bess swallowed her bite, then opened her arms. "And he just... seriously, Nan, when am I gonna need bio class to keep house? Design school is _hard_ , and there are all these parties at Omega Chi and I have to be there, and..."

Nancy swallowed her own bite of her white pizza, eyeing her slice of roma tomato and spinach pizza. "But you have to pick a major."

"Why? I'm only here for as long as Ned's here. After he graduates, or after he proposes, I'll be planning our wedding..."

"And you'll just quit school?" Nancy's voice sounded harsh even to her own ears, and she shook her head, trying for a more even tone. "I mean, Bess, if that's the way you feel about it... why are you at Emerson?"

"Because Ned's here," Bess said, as though that was obvious. "And I want to be with him. The classes..." She shrugged. "I know you and George just... don't get this, I guess, but I'm just waiting." She fidgeted, stirring her straw in her drink, before she glanced up at Nancy. "I just love Ned so much, and once he's graduated and has a job, we'll be together, and I'll be happy. I just want to be with him. I just want to keep house and have his babies and have dinner on the table for him when he gets home. It sounds stupid and cliché, but... that's what I've always wanted. Since we started going out.

"And I couldn't help it. Over break I kept dropping these hints, talking about what we'll be doing once he's out of school..."

Nancy took a sip of her soda, trying to somehow stop the flush rising in her cheeks. "But, Bess, when Ned graduates he probably won't have a job good enough to support you both yet; you'll have to get a job, too."

Bess shrugged. "So I'll get a job for a while. Like a drama degree's gonna help me with that."

Nancy tilted her head. Bess had a point. "I guess I just don't understand why you'd be here taking classes and everything if it's for no reason."

"I told you. The point is to be here with him." Bess sighed as she tore the leftover crust of her pepperoni slice in half. "If he could get an apartment off-campus and we could live there together, trust me, I wouldn't be wasting my time taking stats or going to boring soc lectures."

Nancy picked a slice of tomato off her pizza slice and popped it in her mouth. She hated bringing it up again, but her curiosity was burning in her. "You said Ned was acting weird?"

Bess nodded. "Every time I dropped a hint about the wedding, he just gave me this vague smile. I told him about the bio class, and he said if he knew I was blowing off my lab to be at his games, he would have told me to go to lab. Can you believe that?" Bess shook her head. "And when I asked if maybe he wanted to come back a few days early so we could have some alone time before classes started back, he said his parents had some plans he couldn't get out of."

Even though she felt sick when she realized what Bess had meant by coming back early, Nancy forced herself to take a bite of her pizza. "That sucks," Nancy said.

Bess nodded. "And he's been so damn busy with the frat and everything that it feels like we've barely seen each other—which is why I'm here with you tonight instead of with him. No offense."

"None taken," Nancy said automatically.

"And they're planning the Valentine's Day dance, which I am sooooo looking forward to, and maybe we can find a dress while we're shopping, but honestly? I want to plan a romantic night for us. Maybe get a room at the bed and breakfast in Emersonville, have a nice romantic dinner... and I was hoping you could help me pick out something cute at Victoria's Secret."

Nancy almost choked on her next bite of pizza. Helping Bess pick out lingerie to seduce Ned. "I... Bess, I'm really hopeless when it comes to that kind of thing," she said weakly.

"Bullshit, Drew. Clearly you know how to do something right if you caught Colin's attention."

"I thought you said he was bad news," Nancy commented, tossing her straw paper at her friend.

Bess chuckled. "He is. But he's damned hot. Is he any good?" Bess's eyes sparkled. "Throw me a bone here; I can hardly remember the last time I got lucky."

Nancy hated that her heart flipped when Bess said that. She was probably exaggerating, anyway. "He's good," Nancy said, trying to sound casual.

"Good. So not great, then."

Nancy was relieved when the conversation went to other topics. She told Bess about the case she was looking into, and of course Bess said that Ned should be able to help her when it came to talking to other athletes. Nancy felt another spike of both guilt and disappointment when Bess said it so easily. She truly had no idea what had happened, and no suspicion about it at all. It was as though she thought Nancy couldn't even turn Ned's head...

That wasn't it at all, she knew, and it was better for all of them if Bess didn't begrudge the time Nancy spent with Ned. Still, Nancy planned on limiting it. She couldn't risk another mistake.

And then, after she insisted that Nancy watch out for herself once she told her about the threatening note she had received, Bess started talking about her perpetual wedding plans.

The thought of standing by her best friend's side, watching her marry Ned, only made Nancy cold. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. She couldn't imagine how hard it was going to be, to keep a polite smile on her face while Ned swore to love Bess forever.

But she would find a way to do it. She had to.

The next afternoon, Nancy tried to make her excuses to get out of it, but Bess was having for none of it. They went to the mall, to the lingerie store, and Bess took six filmy gowns to the dressing room, ones made of the sheerest lace and satin. One hot-pink mesh teddy, Bess swore, Ned would totally adore. She encouraged Nancy to pick out something for herself, saying a girl could never have enough nightgowns, especially if she was lucky enough to meet a really great guy soon. Implying, of course, that Colin wasn't it, and that maybe, somehow, eventually she would find a guy who would make her as happy as Ned made Bess.

In just over two years, Ned would be graduating. Nancy and George would attend her showers, her bachelorette party, pick out little scraps of lace and silk for her to wear for Ned on their honeymoon...

Nancy picked up a black chiffon and lace babydoll with a matching thong, the cups sheer lace, and when she tried it on, piling her hair on top of her head and scrutinizing her reflection, she tried to imagine Colin's reaction. Maybe he would actually take some time with her in bed instead of tumbling into it with almost no conversation. Maybe he would look at her with something more than his usual expression of indolent satisfaction. The nightie looked sophisticated and seductive; it was the kind of thing Nancy could see herself putting on after a leisurely romantic meal, to wear for a guy she loved, the way Bess was imagining right now in her own dressing room—and Nancy put that thought out of her head. She lifted the hem of the gown, looking at the matching thong, and imagined long, warm fingers sliding up her thigh, catching the side of the panties to gently push them down, soft lips pressed against her neck—

Warm brown eyes.

Blinking hard, Nancy hastily took off the gown and panties. She had picked up a sale-priced white bra and panty set trimmed in black lace, and she gathered all of it up, taking it to the counter before she could change her mind. Bess had decided to purchase three gowns, one white trimmed in ice-blue satin, one red gown made of lace and sheer mesh, and a black halter gown. She favored babydoll gowns; Bess had often told Nancy and George how much she hated the sight of her belly, how much she wanted to disguise it. She had been so happy when she and Ned had made love, when she had actually felt like she was attractive, even sexy, despite those last few pounds she could never seem to lose.

For Nancy, the problem wasn't feeling sexy. It was feeling like there was anything beyond it.

Bess dropped Nancy off at her dorm, happily planning the reservations she was going to make for her and Ned, and Nancy, leaving the car as soon as she politely could, pounded up the stairs with an awful taste in her mouth. She had to stop feeling so fucking jealous of her friend. She had to.

She cut the tags off her new lingerie and put on the bra and panties, pulling on some skinny jeans and a soft green sweater, and she texted Colin right before she left her room. When Rick answered the door at the Delta house, he stood aside immediately, giving her a welcoming grin. Nancy moved past him with a smile, tucking her hair behind her ear. She had always felt safe in the Omega house; at the Delta house, though, she'd never been able to shake the feeling that half the guys in there were only interested in picturing her naked, then trying to find out if their vision matched reality.

Nancy glanced at her phone, confirming that Colin hadn't texted her back, before she knocked on his door. Maybe he was in class or something; she wasn't even sure—

"Hang on."

Nothing in his voice specifically gave it away, but Nancy somehow knew what she was going to see before Colin opened the door. His hair was messy, the lights off, and a girl sat on the bed behind him, miles of long slender bare leg on display beneath her sweater.

Nancy glanced from Colin to the girl, then back again, and she couldn't even find it in her to yell at him. Colin's gaze was low-lidded, and she sensed no panic, no urgency about him at all. He hadn't done anything wrong; why would he be in a hurry to apologize?

"Hey Nan."

"Sorry," Nancy said quietly, backing up. "Uh—I didn't know you were..."

She shook her head and practically ran back down the stairs, her mouth set. She was expecting it to hit her, as she walked out of the Delta house, but she just felt numb, and unsurprised. Of course Colin had been with someone else. Of course. They hadn't made a commitment to each other, and she hadn't wanted one. She hadn't. She hadn't. He wasn't that kind of guy.

_You deserve someone better._

Her friends had told her that countless times. Bess, George, Hannah, Ned. Even her father, in his own words. But she didn't see this perfect guy hanging around waiting for her. And every time this happened, every time she met a guy and reduced their relationship to sex alone, it helped. It made her feel like the sex wasn't important, that it was just something else, like that perfect guy didn't matter so much.

Still. Just once, she wanted one of them to surprise her. She wanted someone who could be a partner to her in life instead of just in bed. And that guy, she was becoming more and more positive, simply didn't exist.

She found herself walking toward Omega Chi, and decided to take the opportunity to ask Maury if he could help her in her investigation—although the thought of running into Ned, in the mood she was in, gave her pause. Then she remembered that he had a basketball game, which was part of the reason Bess had wanted to get back early, and relaxed. No risk of running into him.

And that, she told herself firmly, was a good thing.

Maury, once she explained the problem, was happy to assist her, especially once she explained that she was more interested in debunking the rumors than confirming them. He told her he would run a search for the athletes who had taken the "easier" classes, or at least the classes she had been told were easier when she had asked around, and see if he could find any patterns in terms of teachers or other flags. She willingly agreed when he said to give him a day, and he'd give her whatever he had found. Neither of them trusted email for it, especially after the threatening note Nancy had received, so she agreed to come by after class the following day.

Nancy was just walking out of Maury's room with the list a day later, her mind racing as she considered how to best use the information, when she ran into someone, quite literally. She glanced up to apologize when the words died on her lips.

Ned's dark brown eyes were gazing straight into hers.

"Oh," she said, lamely, and was irritated when she felt her cheeks warm. "Sorry."

She had stopped in the middle of the hallway, and while she knew she needed to leave the building, as soon as fucking possible, when Ned asked what she was working on, she found herself telling him about her case. It was just a case, and as practically everyone had pointed out, he was a great resource, and she would be a fool not to take advantage of that.

"So this is the list?"

Nancy nodded and handed it over, then crossed her arms. "If anyone can confirm that this kind of stuff isn't going on, it would be these guys, I'd think," she said. "I know you wouldn't do anything like that, but I know you've heard the rumors..."

Ned glanced up at her, a gleam of amusement in his dark eyes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence," he murmured. "And yeah, I've heard that, but I've heard so many damn rumors. Did you know that whole thing about waiting ten minutes for professors, fifteen for doctors, is a lie?"

"Don't crush my dreams, Nickerson," she teased him, although inside she was trembling a little.

Ned considered the list for another minute. "About half these guys, I don't _think_ would be involved in the kind of thing you're talking about—but I'll be honest, if that kind of thing was going on and I was told no one would ever find out? It would be damn tempting. I wouldn't do it, but I'd be tempted." He showed her the list, tapping the specific names he thought would be the best leads for her. "Do you need any help?"

Nancy opened her mouth and was struck by a terrible, awful idea. She knew when Bess was planning to invite Ned for their romantic getaway, and for a split second she was tempted to ask him to help her that night—but she couldn't do it. "Thanks, but I think I'll be okay. I'll let you know, though."

She folded the list and put it in her pocket, then glanced up at him again. "You've seemed a little... distant lately."

She saw a flash of something she couldn't quite identify in his eyes before he responded, "I'm just... trying to figure something out. I'll be okay."

Nancy nodded, and her own gaze shied away when his became intense. "I still haven't been by to see Wikowski, though."

"Wikowski?"

"The day I was—" Nancy didn't want to think about when she had run into him at Carramore, so she shook her head. "I think that he might have been one of the teachers involved, but he had changed his mind, and it would be simple enough to ask him about it. See if he acts nervous or guilty."

"So let's go talk to him."

"Uh..." Nancy brought out the small notebook she used to keep track of her case notes. "He has office hours tomorrow..."

They figured out a time that would work for both of them, and Ned gave her a smile, and Nancy tried to figure out how the hell this had happened. But, as she had told herself repeatedly, she was going to have to learn to deal with him, and this was a good way to do that.

Yes. Definitely. The lightness in her heart when she tossed him a wave and left Omega Chi was nothing. Nothing.

Nancy was on her way to meet Ned so they could talk to Wikowski the following day when her phone chirped. She glanced down to see a text message from Bess.

_Just made the reservation for Friday night! Wish me luck! ;)_

And just like that, reading those words made the good mood she was in drain away.

Ned smiled at her when she met him just inside Carramore, and the clear anticipation on his face made her heart give a small traitorous leap. "I hope he gives us some clue," Ned said as they started upstairs.

"Me too," she said, glancing back at him.

And Wikowski did, in spades. He kept glancing over at Ned, and Nancy, who usually had a hunch about such things, had a feeling Wikowski wouldn't have been as nervous as he was without Ned there. When she came out with the allegation, Wikowski flushed and stammered, eventually saying he had no comment about the rumors, and asked them both to leave. Nancy jotted down her name and number in case Wikowski changed his mind, and once they left, he closed his door, obviously agitated.

"If he didn't do it, he knows someone who did."

Nancy nodded, buttoning back into her coat. "I think he's the best weak point I'm going to find, though," she said. "Based on the reviews at the site, I think he was involved, then changed his mind about it. And if he started feeling guilty, I might be able to convince him to tell me what was going on, just to salve his conscience."

"So maybe we could try him again in a few days?"

That _we_ again. Nancy remembered Bess's text message and her heart sank. "Look, thanks, okay? I really appreciate you being here. But I think we both know it's not a good idea for us to be around each other that much."

Ned stopped and stared at her for a moment. "Are you serious? We'll just be talking to Wikowski—"

Nancy shook her head. "And I can handle it, okay? If I need your help I'll let you know. I just—I need to get to my chem study session."

She could feel it on his lips as she headed out, walking briskly to discourage him from following her. Of course he didn't see any problem with them hanging out anymore; he didn't feel anything for her and there was no risk, not for him. She was horrified at the thought that he might pity her for nursing this stupid crush on him, that he genuinely couldn't understand why being around him might hurt her so much.

After her chem study session, she went back to her room and contacted half a dozen of the athletes on the list Maury had provided, the ones Ned had designated as more likely candidates. Four of them hung up on her immediately; two of the others practically cussed her out before slamming down their phones. And that, even more than Wikowski's unconvincing denial, told her she was on the trail of something huge. Hugh had told her that a lot more than the school's reputation was at stake; if former and current athletes were proven to have benefited from such a scheme, their degrees might be stripped, their financial aid or scholarships invalidated, their reputations sullied. Nancy knew they had been under immense pressure to succeed and maintain a good GPA, but in her opinion, the administrators who had allowed such a scheme to go on were more responsible than the athletes who had succumbed to the temptation.

Nancy left her lab the next night checking her cell phone and wondering what she was going to eat for dinner, and whether Wikowski's conscience might have been softening his resolve not to talk to her for long enough to make another visit productive, when she heard footsteps beside her. She glanced over, automatically mentally zoning in on where her pepper spray was in her bag.

"Drew."

The guy was a head taller than she, with the hood of his sweatshirt pulled up to shadow his face. He swung around and Nancy's heart was racing as she groped for the pepper spray, slipping her thumb under the trigger guard.

The first punch was hard enough to make her feel nauseated, but she put as much force as she could behind her own return swing, her fist catching the guy's jaw. He hit her again and she kicked at his shin, bringing the pepper spray up.

"Keep your fucking nose out of it," the guy said in a gruff voice, slapping her hand away before she could direct the spray into his face. He turned and ran, and Nancy started to give chase, but the nausea got the best of her. She stood for a few seconds catching her breath, her eyes streaming, and she could feel her cheek swelling, the flesh inside it tender from the impact of his fist against her teeth. She could taste a coppery thread of blood in her mouth, too.

Behind her, the building where her chemistry lab was held was still lit. Nancy frowned, but headed for the sanctuary of the lobby, taking out her phone again. George answered on the second ring; if she hadn't, Nancy would have called campus security for an escort back to her dorm, just in case.

"Shit, Nan. That looks awful."

Nancy gave George a faint smile as she closed the passenger door of George's car, shifting her backpack onto her lap. "Yeah, it doesn't feel too hot."

"We'd better get to the infirmary." George frowned as she considered the best route to take from their location. "Been a while since we've hung out—other than grabbing lunch, anyway."

"Yeah. How have your classes been?"

Nancy could feel her cheek swelling as they talked about their current classes, and when Nancy brought up her conversation with Bess, George rolled her eyes, just as exasperated as Nancy felt.

"I can't believe her." George shook her head. "I thought she had a better head on her shoulders than this."

"I know. Me too."

George glanced over at Nancy as she parked outside the infirmary. "Have you been okay, Nan?"

"Sure," Nancy said easily, gingerly touching her cheek, wincing at the pain. "Why?"

"You've seemed... preoccupied."

Nancy took a deep breath of the cold air, willing her heart to slow down. "Just... have a problem I've been trying to deal with," she said, and didn't realize until she had spoken the words that they were virtually identical to Ned's.

The nurse had just called Nancy to the back when George checked her phone. "Bess wants to know if we want to grab dinner," she reported.

Nancy grimaced and shook her head. "I just want to get back to my room and get my homework done," she said firmly. "I really don't want to go out like this."

"I can totally understand that," George said.

Another page had been added to Nancy's rapidly expanding file at the infirmary when George walked Nancy to her dorm room, saying that she would be happy to pick something up for their dinner if Nancy wanted. Nancy was just feeling in her pocket for her room keys, thanking George for suggesting it, when she felt a sudden tingle go down her spine. She reached the landing and turned toward her room.

Bess and Ned were standing outside her room, wearing matched expressions of concern. "Nancy!" Bess said, throwing her arms around her friend. "Oh my God, that looks _awful._ "

"I'm okay," Nancy insisted, keying into her room, and despite herself, as she moved aside to let her friends into her tiny dorm room, her eyes met Ned's. His jaw was set, and he touched her hand so briefly and gently that she could have imagined it, before he went into her room. For a second she remembered that same look on his face when he had brought her back to her dorm after her last trip to the infirmary, and her heart skipped a beat.

Over the next week, as her bruises faded, Nancy looked into the teachers her investigation and Maury's search had turned up, and found the majority were driving late-model luxury cars. She called Maury just to see if he had found anything else, and he was almost bubbling with excitement.

"Linda Morrow."

"Linda Morrow... is that a teacher?"

"Better. Member of the advisory council." Maury paused to give his next words greater impact. "As in, can influence whether faculty get tenure or not."

"Ohhhh."

Maury had discovered that Morrow had been named to the council at about the same time his search indicated a spike in the number of athletes whose GPAs were suddenly improved. "And you want to know what's even better? Within three years of her being named, both her stepsons started at Emerson. And based on what I can tell about their high school careers, they wouldn't have made it otherwise."

Nancy was reeling when she hung up the phone. All of Maury's evidence was circumstantial; the only thing that made Nancy sure she was really on the path of something big was the threat against her life, in person and in writing, and the reluctance she had encountered in everyone she had asked about the possibility of the scheme. The cars, Morrow's being named to the council, her stepsons starting at Emerson? All circumstantial, without corroboration. Without proof.

They would have had to be fools to keep anything recorded, and while Nancy was briefly tempted to ask Maury to break into Morrow's email account, that wasn't the kind of proof she could use in court. She needed something better.

Nancy's cell phone rang, and she absently picked it up. "Hello?"

"Nan! Got any dinner plans?" Bess asked.

"Uh..." It took a minute for Nancy to remember what day it was, much less that she even needed to eat dinner. "Uh, no, not right now. What's up?"

"Just wondering if you wanted to grab some with me; I can call George and see if she's free, too. Ned told me he had to study for some big project today. Spoilsport." Bess sighed heavily. "So did Colin like that nightie you picked up?"

At Bess's mention of Colin, Nancy flushed. He had texted her a few days before, ignoring what she had seen in his room at the frat, and she had only debated for about five minutes before she had gone over to see him. She had told herself repeatedly that they weren't committed to each other, that if he wanted to see other girls that was his business, and knowing that Bess was doing her best to keep Ned's attention didn't help. She had worn a lacy peach set, and when Colin had pulled her on top of him, his hands lingering at her hips as she had ground against him, she had looked into his eyes, and unbidden, she had felt it rise in her, the terrible words she would never speak.

_Please. Please make me feel like you love me. Just for a minute. Just tell me the lie for a little while._

But he didn't. He stroked her, fondled her roughly, and when she had forced herself to clench tight around him, he had found his release, his fingers digging into her thighs. And then it had been over, and the crushing disappointment and anger she felt over what she had just done, how reckless she had just been, had made her slump to the bed as he left it, easily disposing of the condom.

_I want something that doesn't exist._

"He hasn't seen it yet," Nancy said softly, closing her eyes. "I'm sure he'll like it."

"And I'm sure Ned would have _loved_ that hot pink thing I bought for him, if he'd stuck around after dinner long enough to see it," Bess said, her tone pissed. "Fucking basketball practice session..."

Nancy swallowed, sure she had misheard Bess. "So that dinner you had planned..."

"The dinner was great. I cancelled the room after he left, though." Bess let out a disgusted sigh. "I just don't know what the hell to do. It's those fucking last five pounds, I know it."

"Bess, you know it's not that. You look great."

"But he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore," Bess grumbled. "I keep reading _Cosmo_ and seeing all these great suggestions and it's always basketball-practice this and studying-that..."

Eventually Bess said she was going to call George to see if she had plans, then call Nancy back. Nancy was just looking up Morrow's address when her phone rang again, and she answered it without bothering to check the screen. "Hello?"

"Nan."

Ned's voice. Nancy closed her eyes. "Hey," she said quietly.

"I hadn't heard from you in a while. Just wanted to see how the case was going."

Nancy hated that her internal debate only lasted a few seconds before she was filling him in on what Maury had found. "I really think he might be onto something, but I have a bad feeling there's no proof. I'll need to confront Mrs. Morrow and see what she says."

Ned made an incredulous noise. "And you really think that's going to go well?"

"Well, I'm hoping she'll slip and I'll be able to catch her in a lie."

"And if she doesn't, she'll be tipped off and know you're onto her."

"Which means she'll be even _more_ likely to get stressed and slip up."

"I don't like it," Ned announced. "Not after that asshole attacked you last week. I'm not letting you do that alone."

"Well," Nancy said, looking down, "I was thinking about going tonight, and I know you're studying—"

"You're not getting out of this that easily, Drew."

Finding Linda Morrow's house wasn't hard. Nancy glanced over at Ned as she parked on the side street, fighting that rush of butterflies in her stomach. Bess had texted her to say she and George had decided to order sandwiches, and she was welcome to join them; Nancy replied that she would get back to Bess. She felt just a little guilty about not saying that she was with Bess's boyfriend. "So we're going to play this cool, okay?" she told Ned, and he nodded.

"Be careful," he said, his expression serious.

"I will. You too."

Linda Morrow answered her front door wearing a pair of jeans and a cardigan, a glass of wine in her hand. Her expression was open until she saw the two unfamiliar people standing on her doorstep. "Can I help you?"

"This is Ned Nickerson, and my name is Nancy Drew. May we speak to you for a minute?"

Some small spark of recognition came to Linda's eyes, and she stepped back, letting them into her living room. Ned's fingers brushed against Nancy's, and she knew he had seen it too.

"So what's this about?"

Nancy explained, in general terms, the grade fixing scandal she was investigating. "And I know," she lied smoothly, "that you've always advocated the harshest punishment for the people who've been found responsible for such behavior. So I was wondering if you could tell me if any current faculty members might be involved in that kind of arrangement."

Linda narrowed her eyes, taking another sip of wine before she put the glass down on her desk. "So that you can do what?"

"Ask them and clear their names once and for all," Ned put in, his voice even and sincere.

Linda shook her head. "Do you have any good candidates?"

Nancy glanced over at Ned without really knowing why. "That's—what we were hoping you could tell us," Nancy said, her gaze returning to Linda, and her voice trailed off when she saw the small-caliber pistol suddenly in Linda's hand. She had pulled it out of a desk drawer.

"Do you _really_ think I'm going to let some freshman snoop and her jock boyfriend fuck this up?" Linda asked, pointing the gun at Nancy's chest.

Nancy's heart leapt into her throat when Ned moved between her and the gun, and Linda's eyes narrowed when he did. While Nancy had been anxious enough when the gun was pointed at her, it was a thousand times worse for it to be pointed at Ned. "Look, just relax, okay? We didn't say you were involved..."

Linda sneered. "Yeah, like you've been digging around asking your fucking questions to anyone who'll listen for the past two weeks just for the hell of it. No. No. It's about time the two of you came to some unfortunate end."

Nancy touched Ned's back, and he glanced behind him, his hands still raised, still making sure his body was shielding hers. Even though she knew Linda would never go for it, she opened her mouth, ready to ask Linda to let Ned go, to just take her.

Linda glanced over at the curtains, then began to move over to them. "You, Nickerson. You tie her up with these and then—"

Nancy and Ned glanced at each other again, and in the split-second Linda's attention was divided, Ned dove for her.

The scuffle put Nancy into a panic. She focused on getting the gun out of Linda's hand while Ned worked on overpowering her, but the woman lashed out viciously, slapping Nancy's bruised cheek so hard she tasted blood again. Linda twisted away from Ned's grasp and Nancy heard Ned gasp in pain before she delivered a vicious kick to Linda's arm, numbing it so she would drop the gun. Then Linda dove for a fireplace poker.

By the time they had her overpowered, and Ned had used the same curtain pulls Linda had planned to use on them to bind her wrists, all three of them were out of breath. Nancy looked over at Ned as she used her phone to call 911 and report that they had been attacked. Ned was gently exploring his wrist with his fingertips, and Nancy's stomach twisted when she saw him wince in pain. Her side throbbed every time she took a breath; Linda had caught her there with the poker.

After the police came by and collected Linda, taking Nancy and Ned's statements, Nancy insisted that they go to the infirmary to get Ned's wrist checked out, and when she walked in, the nurse practically rolled her eyes as she went to find Nancy's paperwork. At least when Linda had smacked her with the poker, it hadn't been on the same side the computer thief had kicked her.

The woman who checked Ned out told him he had a mild sprain, and wrote him a note saying that he would need to keep his wrist wrapped and iced for at least two days, and that he would need to sit out of any physical activities involving his wrist for at least five days. She bandaged a scrape on Nancy's cheek, checked her swelling side and pronounced it bruised, advised them both to take painkillers, and said that if either of them experienced more serious pain, they should come back immediately.

Nancy sighed heavily as she and Ned slid back into her car. "Ned, I'm so sorry. Your wrist..."

Ned shrugged. "I've had a sprained wrist before. It's not the end of the world."

"But you'll have to sit out of games..."

"And you'll have to answer to Coach Burnett for that," Ned teased her weakly. "Seriously, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up over it."

She drove him back to Omega Chi, replaying the night over and over in her head. He had stepped between her and the gun. He had fucking stepped between her and a gun.

She wasn't sure why, but that fact, tonight, left her almost shaking. She and Ned had been in life-threatening situations before, but never had it been so terribly clear to her.

She could have lost him.

She went inside the frat with him, to the kitchen, and insisted on finding a bag and filling it with ice for him. They took their painkillers, and in the other room the guys were shouting eagerly at the game showing on the television, walking through with fresh beers in their hands. When Ned gestured for them to go upstairs, away from the din, Nancy followed him, touching her wounded cheek again. She was going through concealer by the case.

"What you did tonight," she said, when they reached his room and stood just outside. "That—that meant a lot to me." She swallowed. "The gun... when she..."

Ned reached up and touched her chin, and Nancy's eyes were swimming when she looked up at him. "I'll never let anything happen to you," he told her, his voice husky. "Not as long as I can help it."

"And I'm so sorry you were hurt—"

Ned's gaze went to her cheek, then to her lips, and Nancy felt a terrible thrill go down her spine. "I'm so sorry _you_ were," he replied, his voice soft, and when his gaze went back to hers, the intensity in his made her heart race.

And she _knew_. She knew in the instant before he did it that he was going to kiss her again, and she couldn't force herself to step back, to push him away.

His mouth touched hers, his fingers slipping into her hair, and Nancy closed her eyes, a pair of tears sliding down her cheeks as her lips parted. His tongue brushed deliberately against hers, and she kissed him back, and she was powerless, spellbound. She was melting into his touch, and it felt like drowning; God, she had to hold onto his shoulder to keep her knees from just buckling under her, and when she slipped her other arm around his shoulders, he tilted his head, the swipe of his tongue against hers sending a wave of pure dizzying awareness over her. Nothing, absolutely nothing, in her life had ever felt as perfect as this.

_Bess._

Nancy jerked back, away from him, with a cry, her eyes opening, the euphoria his touch woke in her replaced by a wave of terrible guilt. "No," she breathed, shaking her head, horrified. "No, we can't, _no_ , this is a mistake, _Bess_ —"

She took another step back and Ned reached for her, capturing her wrist in his fingers. "Nancy, I swear to God, I'm sorry, but this isn't a mistake, and you know it isn't. I've felt this way about you from the moment we met..."

Nancy pulled back, her eyes wide, uncomprehending, as she tried to make him release her. "No," she whispered, shaking her head.

Ned's expression was agonized. "And it took me a while to realize it. Bess is an amazing, sweet girl, but part of the reason I've been with her for so long—is because it meant I was able to spend time with you."

Nancy shook her head again, her throat aching with tears. "Ned, please, don't," she whispered, tugging again at his hand. "Please, God, don't do this..."

"It's the truth, and I'm sick of lying."

No. _No._ No, he couldn't be saying this, he couldn't, he _couldn't_.

Nancy pulled away from him with a soft cry, another pair of tears slipping down her cheeks. "No," she said again, shaking her head. "No. We can't. We can't. I _won't_."

She turned and moved away from him as fast as she could, her heart in her throat, and while she heard him calling her name, that only made her move faster. No. _No_.

Her fingers were shaking when she touched her lips, shaking when she reached her car and fumbled for the keys, starting it as fast as she could, getting away from him as fast as she could. Her heart was pounding.

He had said it wasn't a mistake, but that's all it was. All it could be. A huge, huge fucking mistake. He couldn't mean it; they had just been through an incredibly stressful confrontation and he was confused, they had just—

Nancy blinked hard, sending another wave of tears down her cheeks as she pulled out onto the road.

And she couldn't let herself feel that way, no matter what. No matter what. Because if her best friend found out what had just happened between them— _again_ —it would break her heart.

Nancy went back to her dorm room, the entire time terrified that her phone would ring, and was relieved when Lydia wasn't there. She flung herself on her bed and buried her face in her pillow. Her chest ached with the sobs she had been holding back, and she let it out, let out her grief and hurt, shaking as she curled up tight, her heart breaking. Despite herself she was still tingling from his touch, and she hated herself for it, hated herself for letting the kiss go on as long as it did. She swore to herself that she was never, _never_ going to be alone with him again as long as there was still a risk of it happening, even as the thought of that being the last kiss they would ever share made her sob harder. Unbidden the memory of his concerned brown eyes rose in her mind, sending a fresh stab of pain through her.

He had to be wrong. Had to be. Because if she had to make the choice, Nancy knew that there wasn't one. There was no choice, not really.

If Ned really felt something for her, no matter how she felt about him, she had to shut this down before it went any further and hurt her best friend. She had to let him go.


	4. Chapter 4

Nancy woke the next morning with her head pounding, her lashes matted with the trace of her tears. Her nose was stuffed up.

_Ned_. The memory of the night before came back fully and Nancy sank back into the pillow, her puffy, swollen eyes filling with tears again. Lydia made a snuffled groan from her bed on the other side of the room and Nancy flushed, gasping in a quiet sob. She didn't even remember hearing her roommate come in. As soon as she was able to get herself under control, she stumbled to her dresser to find underwear, then went to take a shower, her headache even worse.

She tipped her head back under the spray, letting the water soothe her, but the awful turmoil she had felt the night before had only grown worse while she slept. She had to tell Bess. Cowardice had kept her from telling Bess after the first time; keeping it from her this time would just mean she _wanted_ to keep it a secret, and she couldn't have secrets she and Ned were keeping. She would say it the right way. She would tell Bess that both times, it had been after he had helped her on cases, when their adrenaline was high, when she had been hurt, and it had just been a mistake. Both times it had just been a mistake.

And it would be a relief, if Bess was infuriated at her, if she forbid Ned from being around Nancy anymore. She would feel punished instead of guilty. She would be able to feel clean again. She wouldn't be tempted anymore.

And it would be over. This betrayal would be over.

_But what if she breaks things off with Ned after I tell her? What if..._

Nancy shook her head hard, not letting herself even imagine that. No. It didn't matter. Bess was in love with him, and even if she did break up with him, Nancy knew it wouldn't be for long. They didn't have a chance, and Bess deserved more than this. More than them sneaking around behind her back, making out...

His lips on hers, his tongue in her mouth.

Nancy felt a sudden throbbing awareness between her legs, called forth by the memory of their kiss, and had to clench her hand into a tight fist. She was _not_ going to touch herself and think about him. The fact that she had ever done that had been one of the worst mistakes she had ever made...

_This isn't a mistake, and you know it isn't._

A bolt of shame and anticipation lanced through her as she slipped her hand between her legs, her thumb brushing her swollen clit, and she stifled her moan as she began to touch herself. Just this one last time. She'd had her arms around him, and it had felt so good, to feel his fingers in her hair, her breasts pressed to his chest as he kissed her...

_I've felt this way about you from the moment we met._

She remembered again the first time his eyes had ever met hers, the way it had taken her breath away. She had hated Bess, blindly, intensely, for those seconds, hated her because her relationship with Ned meant that Nancy would never know if that immediate bolt of attraction between them meant anything, if he had even felt it at all.

But he had. Apparently he had.

Nancy came, gasping quietly as she trembled, and closed her eyes as she rinsed the trace of her arousal from her fingers in the spray, then reached for the soap. She felt ashamed and guilty again.

_Never again. I will not do that again._

Her morning classes passed in a miserable blur. She was going to be preoccupied until she spoke to Bess, and she knew it. She wasn't looking forward to Bess's reaction, but, she told herself, it was better to be honest with her. She needed to know.

Wasn't it? Wasn't it better?

But if Nancy had already decided nothing like that would ever happen again, wouldn't it be better to just _not_ tell her? It would only hurt her...

Nancy considered making excuses and skipping her usual lunch with Bess and George, but she couldn't do it. She had just reached the food court when she saw George.

"Bess just texted me. Apparently Ned skipped his twelve o'clock so they're having lunch together." George shook her head. "I swear, if he starts skipping classes all the time too, I'm going to slap them both."

Nancy and George hit the baked potato bar, trying to find something warm; Nancy's toes were so cold they ached, and her fingertips were numb from the awful frost-edged wind outside. Nancy wasn't even sure what time she had managed to fall sleep the night before, so she actually purchased a large cup of coffee with her lunch, too.

George raised an eyebrow when Nancy sat down across from her. "Late night studying, Drew?"

Nancy shrugged, stirring artificial sweetener into her coffee. "Couldn't sleep," she said lamely.

"God. And is that a fresh bruise, too?"

Nancy filled George in on the case, trying as best she could to not mention Ned's name very often, but Ned had been helping her out on cases for a long time. She knew she shouldn't feel weird about it, because George wouldn't. When she told her about the poker Linda had slammed into her side, George winced.

"Please tell me you tried some judo on her."

"I did, and it worked. That practice really has come in handy."

After her last bite of broccoli and cheddar potato, Nancy was feeling a bit more awake. One of the campus groups was holding a bake sale just outside the food court, and Nancy was considering looking over their bags of cookies and cellophane-wrapped cake slices, when she glanced up and saw Bess approaching. Her long blonde hair was loose, not covered, and her blue eyes were bright, shining with tears in her red face.

Nancy's stomach twisted until she thought she was going to throw up. So Ned had told her what they had done—

"Bess? What's wrong?" George said as soon as she saw her cousin.

Bess, blinking another pair of tears down her cheeks, let out a heartbroken wail. "He broke up with me," she said, the last swallowed in a sob.

Sympathetic tears rose in Nancy's eyes, even though her heart was pounding. "He did?" she whispered. "What happened?"

Bess pulled out the other seat at their table and plopped into it, reaching for a napkin to wipe her smeared mascara. "I was so excited when he wanted to have lunch with me," she said, sniffling, and her expression and voice were so miserable that Nancy's heart broke for her. "He said we had to talk, and I—oh God, I mean, I always thought he'd propose to me over some really romantic dinner, maybe on a long weekend or something? But I couldn't help it. I was just so excited—oh God, I was so _stupid._ " She sobbed again, a fresh wave of tears slipping down her cheeks. "How could he do this? After so long—three and a half _years!_ We've been together so long and he..."

Bess dissolved into incoherent sobs again, and Nancy and George patted her back, shushing her. George glanced up at Nancy, and Nancy could tell she was entirely at a loss. Nancy didn't trust herself to say anything, though; her heart felt like it was in her throat, choking her. While Bess hadn't slapped her on sight, that didn't mean he hadn't said anything.

"Well, what did he say?" George finally tried. "I mean, I know whatever he said was bullshit because he can't have had a good reason for this..."

Bess shook her head, wiping her nose and grabbing another napkin. She was hiccuping. "He—he said that he'll always care about me but we—we want different things. He said he—he's going _through something._ Whatever that means." She sobbed again. "And he didn't want to hurt me, and I told him that if he broke up with me that _would_ hurt me, and he fucking patted my hand...

"I can't, I can't lose him," Bess said frantically, shaking her head. "Whatever it is he wants, I'll do it. I just... my whole _life_ is about him. I don't know what to _do_ without him." She blew her nose, still trying to gasp her breath back. "Oh my God, how could he do this?"

George patted her cousin's back sympathetically. "Well, maybe if he's just going through something, he'll get over it and you two will be back together again, just the same way you were. I mean, he didn't say he'd been seeing someone else or something, did he?"

Nancy fought hard to keep her expression still neutral and sympathetic instead of completely panicked. Bess shook her head, wiping her nose again. "No, he didn't. He just kept saying he didn't want to hold me back. Whatever the fuck that means." Another pair of tears slipped down her cheeks. "But all this fucking 'practice' he's been saying he has... I mean, things have been weird for a while." Bess glanced up at Nancy. "Like I told you."

Nancy nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"If he's been seeing someone else..." Bess shook her head, her expression murderous. "I don't know what I'd do. I'd kill her. For starters." She sniffed again. "I told him that if he needed to take some time, that was okay—I didn't like it, but it would be better than just, just ending things—that we could just take a little break, but..." Bess shook her head. "I mean, I've _seen_ the way girls look at him here; that was part of the reason I wanted to come here for school. I'm so afraid that if I don't keep seeing him, one of these other slutty bitches will try to get her claws into him..." Bess started sobbing again. "Someone prettier than me..."

Immediately George and Nancy comforted her again, telling her she was so beautiful, that Ned was a total asshole for doing this to her, that she didn't deserve it, that soon he would see what a mistake he had made and crawl at her feet, begging for her to come back. He would be a fool not to.

"And if he's still like this..." George shrugged. "There are a ton of great guys here. Maybe if he saw you with someone else, that would bring him to his senses."

"I couldn't _be_ with anyone else." Bess was crying again. "I just love him so much. How could he hurt me like this? Oh my God..."

Nancy's next class wasn't for another hour, so Nancy, her heart burning, agreed to stay with Bess for a while longer, just to make sure she was okay, when George had to leave for class. While George loved Bess like a sister, Nancy knew she was relieved to get a little break from being around Bess, who was a total wreck. She sensed that on some level, Bess was maybe, just a tiny bit, enjoying all the attention they were paying to her, but her heartache was genuine. She did love Ned so, so much.

_He didn't say he'd met someone. Just that he's going_ through _something._

What if he _had_ met someone else. Even though Nancy had slowly made her peace with her intense jealousy over Bess and Ned's relationship, she still felt insanely angry at the thought that Ned would betray her friend that way. And Nancy had noticed it too; how could she not? Cheerleaders, classmates, sorority girls were constantly laughing at his jokes, hanging on his every word, and if he wanted to see someone else, it would be easy for him. Between practice, homework, and the cases he helped Nancy on—

And he hadn't had any trouble lying to Bess about studying when he had been with Nancy the night before. Nancy felt her own eyes prick a little at that.

He really was an asshole, if he could do this.

Nancy was leaving her lab late that afternoon, feeling very alert, especially since she had been attacked at the same time and place the week before. Before she pulled her knit cap on and left the building, interlacing her fingers to seat her gloves more firmly, she scanned the area.

A bench stood near the brick-fronted walk to the building, and it had been brushed clear of snow. A figure wearing an orange Emerson knit cap sat there, his hands in his pockets as he waited.

Ned.

Nancy swallowed hard, gritting her teeth to keep from reacting, and pushed through the glass door. The sting of the wind could explain the tears in her eyes, she was sure. And even though her heart ached when she looked at him, she couldn't force herself to tear her gaze away.

"Nancy," he said quietly, standing up when he saw her. He looked like he'd had as much sleep as she, and his wrist was still wrapped. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw that reminder of his injury.

Nancy shook her head. "You broke up with her."

"I had to."

She made a soft sound, lengthening her stride, hoping he would take the hint and let her go. "She's so upset, Ned. How could you do that to her?"

When she felt Ned's hand on her arm, Nancy immediately jerked away from him. "You know damn well why."

Nancy shook her head again. She could feel the intensity of his gaze on her, and she kept her eyes down, afraid of what she would do if she looked into his face. "No," she said, giving her voice a strength she didn't feel. "I told you. What-what happened, that was a mistake. It will never happen again, I swear. Just tell her it was a big misunderstanding..."

"It wasn't a misunderstanding." Ned's voice was low and intense, and he touched her elbow again. "I'm sick of this, trying to pretend she and I have anything in common anymore. And last night—I know you felt it too."

Nancy squeezed her eyes tight shut, willing herself not to cry until she was out of his sight. "I didn't," she lied. "I don't. Please don't do this."

"Do you honestly think I'm just doing this to hurt her?" Ned demanded, and she jerked to a stop when he gently squeezed her arm. "I never wanted to hurt her. But what she wants and what I want, they're so different now, and she needs to find someone who can give her the kind of life she wants." Ned touched Nancy's chin, and slowly, reluctantly, she met his eyes. "And I know what kind of life I want."

She could feel it between them again, that terrible sway, and she knew that if she stayed in his presence for much longer, she wouldn't be able to pull herself away. "I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head as she moved away from him. She swallowed hard against the lump of tears in her throat, forcing herself to give voice to the lie. "I—I don't feel that way."

She didn't trust herself to look back as she walked away from him, as fast as she could.

\--

In the wake of Linda Morrow's arrest, Hugh and another reporter named Summer had been working with Nancy to print some of what she had discovered in the campus newspaper. They had to move very carefully on it to avoid printing anything that could be considered libel, but the names of athletes who had received scholarships were public record. Hugh and Summer began a series of articles, interviewing other faculty who insisted their names be kept confidential, about the scope of the plot. Because Morrow had been caught first—and the brutality and deadly intent behind her attack on Nancy and Ned had provoked shock and general outrage—it was easy for those who claimed any knowledge to say they had feared her retribution and power, and had been cajoled into going along with it, threatened if they didn't.

It didn't take long for the story to be picked up by one of the main newspapers in the area, and while it was just a blurb, the storm was only beginning.

Although Nancy's name wasn't mentioned in the articles, in the campus paper or the other one, everyone at Emerson was aware that she liked to investigate mysteries, and her visible injuries made her involvement an open secret. Most of the curiosity was limited to brief stares during class, but the next time she went to the gym, her stomach flipped when she thought of the basketball team practice going on on the court, and it wasn't just because she knew Ned would be there. Any athlete _currently_ involved in the grade inflation ring would definitely be more than a little angry at her.

And Ned.

He called, texted, or emailed her two or three times a day, each time asking her to meet him, to call him, but she had ignored them all. By the fifth day he just sent her one text, and when she gave in to temptation and opened it, her eyes glazed with tears.

_I miss you._

The note he had given her in the ring. God, oh God. She didn't want to think about it.

Bess was still incredibly upset and depressed about what was going on between her and Ned, and both Nancy and George were making sure she ate, that she was stocked with chocolate ice cream and magazines, anything to keep her spirits up. Bess called Ned every day, and he actually answered instead of just ignoring her calls; Nancy had been in the room one of those times, and she had heard Bess just dissolve into tearful pleading and begging, so pitiful that Nancy had started crying in sympathy, too. She had held Bess after her friend finally hung up the phone, shushing her and patting her back, as Bess sobbed all over again that she didn't understand what she had done wrong.

"Maybe he—maybe he just doesn't know what he wants," Nancy had said, without thinking about it. "Maybe that's why he's acting so strange—"

"But it's what we always wanted! To be together, for him to finish school and we could be together!" Bess swiped at her wet eyes with the cuff of her sweatshirt.

_Always?_ "You mean, like... since you started dating?"

Bess nodded miserably. "How could he not want that anymore? How could he not want me anymore..."

When George arrived, having rented a few movies Nancy had suggested just to help distract Bess, they smiled at each other before Nancy shouldered her backpack and began the walk back to her own dorm room. The weather was mild, the twilight just beginning to purple the sky, and Nancy tipped her head back, drawing in a long, deep breath.

Despite Nancy and George's encouragement, Bess had been skipping many of her classes, claiming she couldn't concentrate or focus on studying while she was going through this. Nancy had no doubt that Bess would be on academic probation after this semester—that was, if she did decide to return to Emerson for the fall semester. And if, somehow, Bess and Ned _didn't_ get back together, she couldn't imagine that Bess would want to come back.

Nancy had been looking into transferring, too. While she loved Emerson, she was afraid that part of her love for the college was the knowledge that she was near Ned, and she desperately needed to put as much space between them as possible.

Ned was off-limits. No matter what, for the rest of their lives, he was off-limits, because Bess loved him. Nancy could hardly believe that their separation had lasted so long, that Ned hadn't given in to Bess's pleading—and she hated him for hurting her friend this way, even as she was impressed by his fortitude. Nancy had been Bess's friend for so long that whenever Bess asked her to do anything, for any kind of favor, the weight of their friendship made it almost impossible for Nancy to say no.

She had considered asking Bess if she could help her on the case, just to help distract her, but in all honesty, Nancy didn't want Bess to get involved. She had already managed to get Ned hurt as a result, and a few ballsy people had found Nancy on Facebook or through her school email account and sent her messages saying she didn't know what she was talking about, she was dragging innocent people through the mud for no reason, and she should just try juggling a full load and playing on the basketball team...

On a whim, Nancy had gone by Wikowski's office the day before. She hadn't even said the first word before he, glaring fiercely at her, had said "No comment" and slammed the door in her face.

Morrow hadn't been the only person with power involved. Despite the threats, Nancy still wanted to find out who in administration had allowed the scheme to go on for so long.

Nancy was in her room that night, alone, studying for her first art history survey test. Lydia had a new boyfriend and spent most of her time between and after classes with him, which freed Nancy from being chained to her desk and her headphones. Her music catalog was softly playing through her computer's speakers, and most of the time she was just ignoring it, as she memorized artist's names, major works, years, and movements, checking the images and information in her book against the notes she had taken in class.

Then one particular song came up, and Nancy glanced up at her computer, her eyes widening. She could have sworn that she had unchecked that one so it wouldn't play, but from the first few notes, she was paralyzed, her heart clenched like a fist between her ribs.

Nancy, Bess, and George had gone to their junior and senior proms, and both years Bess had gone with Ned, of course. Nancy had taken a date her junior year—Don Cameron, an incredibly sweet guy for whom Nancy felt nothing stronger than friendship—but neither she nor George had been seeing anyone when it was time to find a date to the prom. The four of them had shared the limo, and Ned had been so sweet; he had given all three girls corsages. Even though Nancy's and George's hadn't been as nice as Bess's spray of baby-pink miniature roses, they had appreciated the gesture, and Ned had said he was the luckiest guy in the world, walking into prom as a college freshman with three beautiful girls on his arms. Bess had thought it was incredibly sweet, too, that Ned was being so nice to her friends.

Late that evening, someone had spilled a glass of punch and when the hem of Bess's long, empire-waisted red-and-black gown had been stained, she had immediately freaked out, dragging her cousin to the bathroom to help her clean it. Nancy had just returned to their table after an energetic dance with the popular class clown, and the color was still high in her cheeks, a smile still on her face. Ned was the only person sitting there, and unconsciously Nancy had smoothed the side of her gown. While Bess had rhapsodized over an utterly gorgeous silver sequined number Nancy had tried on during their hours of prom-dress browsing and shopping, and it had nipped in at her narrow waist, emphasizing her curves, it had been too ostentatious for Nancy. Besides, knowing that she didn't have a date to impress, she didn't care so much what she looked like. Bess had a great eye for dresses, though, and she suggested a halter-necked mint gown for George that emphasized her tanned, toned frame and dark hair. Nancy had wandered over to the clearance racks and flipped through while Bess helped George struggle out of the dress, finding a gown that she thought had possibilities.

It was strapless, with a sweetheart neckline and a corset top, made of cobalt-colored chiffon. The fabric was gathered at the side under a sparkling rhinestone brooch, and a cascade of ice-blue chiffon was layered under the overskirt, showing under the slit in the floor-length skirt. While it wasn't cut nearly as daringly as many of the other dresses Nancy had seen at prom, she did feel a little flutter every time her knee peeked from the slit. Bess had definitely preferred the sequined gown, but she had pronounced the chiffon dress an excellent second choice.

Nancy had tugged gently at the elastic of her corsage as she sat down beside Ned at the prom. "Tired out?"

Ned had shaken his head, and Nancy had felt herself flush a little under his gaze, the way she almost always had. "Just waiting for Bess to deal with a dress emergency. You-you look really, really pretty tonight, Nan."

"Thanks," she had told him, looking down. "And you look very handsome, too."

Ned's gaze had softened when she glanced up at him again. "I haven't danced with you all night," he had told her, then stood, offering her his hand.

And she had told herself it was nothing, definitely nothing, as they had moved into each other's arms, her arms up around his shoulders, his resting lightly at her waist. They had talked about neutral things: her upcoming graduation, Ned's studying for finals, the training he was doing in the hopes of joining the Wildcats basketball team the following year. The four of them taking classes together at Emerson and hanging out more often.

Her heart had been pounding so loud the entire time, so loud that she had been shocked he couldn't hear it.

And then their conversation had trailed off until they were just dancing, until the next song started, and his fingertips had very gently moved over the small of her back. Nancy hadn't trusted herself to look into his eyes, so she had rested her head against his shoulder, just feeling him breathe.

And this song, the song playing on her computer, in her dorm room at Emerson, was the same one that had been playing when they had danced wordlessly together.

Immediately she could feel it and remember it again, the terrible joy being in his arms had given her. How fucking right it had felt, and how guilty she had felt when Bess and George had come back from the bathroom, Bess still flustered, and neither of them had mentioned it. Ned was an amazing dancer, not that slow dancing required much more coordination than simply keeping his feet from crushing hers, but just being in his arms...

He was just being nice to her. He was just being a good friend. That was what she had told herself, her heart burning in her when Bess had cuddled up to Ned after, telling him that she loved him so much, brushing her lips against his, and Nancy had forced herself to watch even as it killed her. So she would remember. So she wouldn't lie to herself about what it meant, when it clearly didn't mean anything.

She had been telling herself that for so long that his declaration still felt like it couldn't be real. It changed everything.

_I've felt this way about you from the moment we met._

And it changed nothing.

Nancy wiped a tear off her cheek when the song ended, taking a few deep breaths so she could focus again on her studying. It didn't matter. None of it mattered.

She took a break before going over her notes again, making sure that she unchecked the song so she wouldn't hear it again. Then her email notifier pinged. She pulled it up absently, but her heart gave a hard beat, then sank when she saw the sender's address.

_Since you apparently don't want to see me—Nan, I'm sorry. I didn't want things to go this way. I never planned for this. I know Bess has been your friend for a long time and please believe that I never wanted to hurt her. Even more than that, though, I never want to hurt you, and if I have, I'm sorry._

_If you change your mind, please call me._

_I miss you. I miss you so much._

Nancy closed the email, feeling almost sick, then opened it again immediately, reading over it, slowly.

_I miss you._

If she hadn't heard that fucking song, she told herself, she wouldn't feel like such a fucking wreck right now. She wiped her face and blew her nose, glancing back at the bed, at the book and notes she needed to review again. She didn't clearly remember the last time she had seen Colin, and the thought of seeing him now, when she was feeling like this, didn't bring her any comfort. He wouldn't know what to say and he wouldn't understand what was going on with her, and any distraction he could give her would be brief and hollow.

When her email notifier pinged again, Nancy hated herself for wanting to think it might be Ned. She opened the new email immediately.

_This is your last warning. Let go of the GPA case or you will be removed from it, permanently. And trust me, it won't feel nearly so nice as getting beaten with a poker this time._

_Because it sure would be a shame to have to put a bullet in that pretty little forehead._


	5. Chapter 5

Nancy woke feeling anxious. She couldn't remember her dreams, only the vague certainty that she was being pursued, that she'd had to keep running. When she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up, her limbs felt stiff. The desk chairs she had piled in front of the door were still in place, though.

She had texted Lydia to find out if her roommate had any intention of coming back the night before, and when Lydia had replied that the room was Nancy's for the night, she had considered her options. She could sleep on the floor over at Bess and George's dorm, but that option didn't really appeal to her. She could waste an hour or two talking to the campus police, only to have them tell her that since the threat had been sent from an anonymous email account, they couldn't really do that much to find the culprit.

In the end she had just made herself feel as safe as she could, and had lain awake for a long time. The threat had put Ned's email straight out of her head.

After a quick shower, during which she kept hearing noises and had to peek outside the curtain multiple times to make sure no one was waiting for her, Nancy wiped the condensation off the mirror and looked at her reflection. Her eyes were tired, and she looked exhausted—which was exactly how she felt. Her cheek was a mottled yellow, and still tender to the touch. The side that had been smacked with the poker was still tender, too. She looked like she'd been at the wrong end of a barfight.

Once she was dressed, Nancy sat down on her bed and pulled out her cell phone.

"Hi sweetheart."

"Hi Dad," Nancy replied, closing her eyes. She was so happy to hear her father's voice. "How's your day going?"

"Much better, now that I'm talking to my favorite girl. So why do I have the pleasure of speaking to you this morning?"

She winced a little at the slight dig. She tried to keep in touch with her father, but their schedules, and her courseload at Emerson, meant she didn't talk to him as often as either of them liked.

"Oh, I've been working on that... that grade-fixing case."

She talked it over with her father, although she didn't quite tell him about the email she had received the night before, only in generalities about the case. Carson was very concerned by the threats anyway, and encouraged her to go talk to the campus police, to see if she might be escorted when she was alone on campus.

His voice was very serious, although she could tell he was trying to keep from alarming her. "I wish you hadn't chosen a school so far away," he said wistfully. "At the very least I would've been able to come up and have dinner with you, catch up with you. When's your next break?"

"Spring break," she told him sadly. "Trust me, I'm bummed about it too. Bess is..." Nancy trailed off, unwilling to go down that conversational avenue. "Well, she's having a rough time of it, and I think classes are getting the best of her."

"The first few semesters of college can be a big shock," he said sympathetically. "Suddenly having all that freedom can be overwhelming. And speaking of freedom, are there any young men in my daughter's life I need to be losing sleep over?"

Although Nancy hadn't officially broken things off with Colin, she couldn't imagine that they would be spending much time together anymore. Her teachers were assigning more complicated work now, and between her homework, her investigations, and spending time with Bess and George, she hardly had time for anything else. "Not right now," she said, making her voice light. "I really think it's more important to keep up with my classes."

"Good girl. I raised you right."

Nancy kept an eye on her surroundings, but didn't notice anyone suspicious on her way to class, and after saying a warm goodbye to her father, she walked in and took her seat. After class, she was _definitely_ going to have to track down some coffee.

Her trip to the campus police station was just as pointless as she had thought it would be, although she was somewhat reassured when the officer on duty said he would increase patrols near her dorm. They promised to keep the threats she had printed out on file, and if she could identify anyone who had attacked her or made verbal threats against her, she could use them as part of the charges.

But any good lawyer could get the emailed threats thrown out of court. Her father could do it in his sleep.

Nancy was tired enough that when she went over to see Bess and George after and the three of them ordered a pizza and breadsticks for dinner, she actually said something about the death threat. Bess was horrified, and insisted that Nancy stay over. "I mean, we can split my bed... I know it's really small..."

Nancy shook her head. "No, really, it's okay. They were just trying to scare me, whoever they are, and I'll be all right."

"But the police can't even figure out who this guy is?"

Nancy swallowed her bite of breadstick. "The threat came from a generic hotmail account. Anyone could have made it," she told George. "It's the direct threats..."

"You mean like when that guy attacked you outside your lab?" George pointed out, arching an eyebrow as she raised her water bottle to her lips. "Like _that_ kind of threat?"

Nancy had reported her attack outside the lab to the campus police as well, but her description of the guy had been vague, and she hadn't even been able to see if he ran to a vehicle or just back to some dorm on campus. If only she had a partial license plate, _something_...

Nancy excused herself to go to the bathroom, and on the way back made a phone call. She told Bess and George again that she would be okay, and it took at least fifteen minutes for her to convince them to let her go. George insisted that if anything happened, she should call campus police, then George, and block her doors, keep her pepper spray at the ready... and even then she still didn't think Nancy should go.

Nancy kept alert on her way out to Omega Chi to see Maury; she had called to confirm that he was in and that he had time to help her. She didn't want to see Ned, didn't want to deal with his email and all the emotions it had stirred up, so when she reached the fraternity she immediately went upstairs, as fast as she could, and was a little out of breath when she knocked on Maury's door.

"Come in!"

Nancy went inside, closing the door behind her. "Hey," she said. "Thanks for helping me out."

Maury pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I really should start charging you by the hour," he told her, but softened it with a grin. "If it wasn't so damn fun. What you got for me, Drew?"

"Someone sent me an email from a hotmail account, and I know, I know, those things are anonymous... but I was hoping you could help me narrow down who might have sent it."

"Any suspects?"

"Uh, just everyone who's really ticked off about the grade-fixing scheme investigation?" Nancy said with a shrug and a lopsided smile.

Maury interlaced his fingers, then stretched. "Bring it on!"

Nancy decided it was easiest to just pull up her campus email so Maury could see it—and then she remembered Ned's emails to her. While Maury had always seemed discreet, she wasn't sure if he would be able to master the temptation to peek, and pass along the contents to other members of the frat. "Uh, do I need to just forward it to you?"

"Sure." Maury reached under a stack of jewel cases and binders and pulled out a laptop. "Make sure you include long headers—oh, just show it to me once you pull it up and I'll forward it."

Maury's futon was crowded with printers, displays, cords and manuals and reams of copy paper, and when he saw how weary she looked, Maury cleared off a place for her to sit down. "Let me just check it out," he told her, after he had forwarded the email to himself and logged out of her school account. "You want to just hang out for a minute?"

Nancy knew she had to get back to her dorm room, but she was going to have to contact campus security to escort her back anyway, whether she left now or an hour from now. And, in all honesty, she was at Omega Chi, surrounded by guys she had known for quite a while, and she felt safer here than she did at her dorm.

Maury's room hummed quietly with electronics and the soft, rhythmic sound of his keystrokes and mouse clicks. After a while her exhaustion caught up with her, and while she had her English textbook out and was trying to catch up on her homework, she found herself blinking for longer and longer intervals. She just needed to rest her eyes, that was all...

The futon wasn't comfortable, but in the end, that didn't really matter. Nancy pulled her legs up and curled up, resting her head against one of the printers, and drifted off, doing her best not to think about Ned, hoping that Maury might be able to find some clue she could follow up on. She didn't like having to constantly look over her shoulder.

When her English book slipped off her lap, Nancy jerked awake. Her mouth tasted stale and her leg had gone to sleep, and she brought her head up—

Ned was sitting in one of Maury's spare desk chairs, looking over at her.

Nancy sat up quickly, blinking hard, trying to compose herself. She needed to get away from him, but she didn't want to be obvious about it. She didn't want Maury to think something was wrong.

"I know you didn't really ask for this, but I started running a password cracking program," Maury told her. "I can tell you that the IP address says it's in this state, but I'm hoping that breaking into the account might give you some clues. Anyway, with any luck I'll be in overnight, maybe early tomorrow. I'll let you know."

Nancy nodded, slipping her English textbook back into her bag. "Thanks, Maury. I really owe you one."

"Me too," Ned said, standing just before Nancy did.

He followed her out, into the hallway, and touched her arm. "So some asshole is threatening to kill you," he said quietly, his jaw set.

Nancy flushed a little. "I'm okay," she said, adjusting her backpack. "I wish he hadn't told you about that."

"Stay here tonight," Ned said, and Nancy's gaze went immediately to his face, her brow furrowing. "We have a guest room," he hastened to add. "I don't mean, in my room, or..."

He flushed a little, too, and despite herself Nancy warmed at seeing him embarrassed, but she made her tone brisk and businesslike. "Ned, really. I'll be okay. I'm gonna call campus security and get an escort to my dorm, and then..." Well, she'd probably spend another night in there alone, but he didn't need to know that. "My roommate will be there."

Ned frowned. "I'll feel better if I make sure you get there safe," he said. "But I'd feel even better if you stayed here. Honestly, Nan. It's a really great room, we keep it open for the VIPs. No one's gonna care if you stay there tonight. Big bed, cable TV. I think there's even a minibar in there."

For a moment Nancy was tempted, but she knew that if she slept in the Omega Chi house, she'd just spend all night brooding about Ned, knowing he was so close to her, and she couldn't do it. She shook her head slowly. "It sounds really great, but I can't."

Ned sighed. "Then let me get my coat."

Every instinct Nancy had told her that she should just call campus security and get out of there before Ned could make good on his offer, but she was tired, and she was tired of fighting him, too. At least they could just clear the air. She could explain to him why they needed to stay away from each other, and that would be good.

Ned was zipping up his coat when he came to her, a black scarf knotted around his neck, and his orange knit cap in his hand. When they walked out of the frat Nancy tugged her gloves on, making a face when she saw her breath in the air.

"How's your side?"

Ned's voice was quiet. Nancy glanced over at him. "It hurts, but I'll be okay," she said. "Your wrist?"

"It's okay. No complications."

"That's good."

Ned paused for a beat. "Bess is still upset."

"Of course she is," Nancy said, flushing with anger. "Three and a half _years_ you were with her, Ned. She built her _life_ around you. And then you just—just walked out of it."

"Keep going," Ned said, when she bit her lip. "Get it all out."

"She and George have been my best friends since we were five," Nancy said, trying to keep her voice level, but it was trembling. "She's like my sister. She's been there for me so many times and I've been there for her, and what you did? She's—she's a wreck. And I—I hate you for breaking her heart."

Nancy looked down, and Ned cleared his throat. "Can I talk now?"

Nancy let out a bitter chuckle. "What the hell do you think you could say to excuse what you did? To justify it?"

"So there's nothing I can say, huh."

"No." Nancy reached up and brushed away a tear, sniffling a little. "No, there's nothing."

Ned waited another beat. "I don't think I've ever seen you this upset," he said softly.

Nancy turned to him with tears in her eyes. "Ned, _please_ ," she said. "Please. She wants you back, so much. Just—just try again. I swear, I'll never—what happened, it won't happen again—"

Ned touched her arm. "You think the whole reason I broke up with her is because I kissed you."

Nancy opened and closed her mouth once. "I thought..."

"It was the other way, Nan. I wasn't happy with her, and... and then we kissed." He shrugged a little. "I know I shouldn't have done that while she and I were still dating—"

"You don't _understand_ ," Nancy said, shaking her head. "You and me, this? This can't happen. It just can't happen. We can't be together."

"Because, as you so badly lied to me a few days ago, you don't feel that way about me."

Nancy glanced over at him, her eyes narrowed, before she ducked her head again. "She loves you," Nancy said softly. "So, so much. And if she knew about—" Nancy made a vague gesture between them. "It would kill her."

"More than my breaking up with her did."

"Oh my God. It would be a hundred times worse. I'm one of her best friends, and you..."

Ned shook his head. "No. I don't understand. If she's your best friend, she wants you to be happy, right?"

Nancy shook her head, a wry smile twisting her lips. "Not like that," she said. "Never like that."

They walked in silence for a few more minutes, until Nancy's dorm was in sight, and she turned to him again. "So you told her you were just trying to get through some problem," she said. "And once you get it figured out, you'll get back together, right?"

Ned shook his head.

Nancy blinked, trying to clear her eyes, stinging from the cold and the turmoil in her. "But—"

"She's the one who said we were taking a break. And regardless of what I do about this... problem I have, no. I'm not getting back together with her."

Nancy pulled out her keys, fumbling for the fob that would open the electronic lock on her dorm. "You might want to tell her that."

"I have," he said evenly. "She just hasn't wanted to hear it."

Nancy opened the door, then looked back at Ned, flashing him a thin, perfunctory smile. "Well, good night," she said. "Thanks for walking me back."

Ned pushed the door open and shook his head. "Almost," he said. "I would hate if I left you here and someone was waiting upstairs for you."

Nancy had been hoping that he would just leave her at her door, and as he followed her upstairs, her heart beat faster, her stomach filling with anxious butterflies. She was almost positive that Lydia wasn't in their room, and Ned still insisted on going inside with her.

"I'm sure she'll be back anytime," Nancy said, crossing her arms, trying to give him a hint.

"I can wait," he told her, spinning around her desk chair so he could take a seat.

Nancy frowned, but put her backpack down and started unfastening her coat. She was exhausted, and the sooner she convinced Ned to leave, the better. "I'll be fine," she told him. "I'm about to put on my pajamas and go to bed. Seriously. Please."

Ned stood up and put his hands in his pockets, but when she returned from the bathroom changed into her long-sleeved cotton shirt and flannel pants, face washed and teeth brushed, Ned was still in her room. He had taken off his coat, and when he looked up at her, she shoved her hair out of her face, flushing a little. Her pajamas were the opposite of revealing, but his presence in her room when she was getting ready for bed was making her feel self-conscious. She opened her top drawer and took out a pair of fuzzy socks, slipping them on.

"How late does your roommate normally stay out?"

Nancy shrugged, pulling out her cell phone so she could plug it into the charger. "Like I said, she should be back soon," she said, not meeting his eyes as she lied. Then she glanced up at him. "Thanks for walking me back here, but it's getting late, and I know you need to get to bed..."

Ned sat back and crossed his arms. "If she'll be back soon, I can wait," he said again, and she could feel his gaze lingering on her.

Actually getting under the covers while he was in the same room seemed too intimate, so Nancy sat down cross-legged on the bed. She had some more reading to do, but she knew she would never be able to concentrate on it, and she could just finish it up during her lunch break. Nancy rubbed her forehead. "So what is this problem you're dealing with," she said, quietly.

Ned studied her for a moment. "Do you think you can help me, Nan?"

She shrugged. "I won't know until you tell me."

Ned had just opened his mouth when they both heard a soft tap at the door. For a split second Nancy thought it might be Lydia, and she was relieved that Ned would be leaving—but Lydia wasn't subtle. She normally just keyed right in. The first few times she had come in late, she had rapped twice hard on the door just in case Nancy was in their room with a guy, but Nancy had told her she didn't have to take such precautions; if she was with a guy, she went to his room, and she didn't sleep over. Lydia was a firm believer in the traditional sign, of hanging a hair elastic from their room's doorknob if she didn't want to be disturbed.

Nancy hadn't put a hair elastic on their doorknob.

Then they heard a soft metallic scratching near the knob.

She and Ned both glanced over at the door, and Ned, picking up on a subtle cue from Nancy, called out, "Who's there?"

The scratching stopped. Nancy, moving swiftly, picked up her cell phone and navigated to the camera screen, then whipped open the door. Two guys were already halfway down the hall.

"Hey!"

One of them turned, and Nancy snapped a quick photo, hearing Ned rising behind her. The guy who had turned back snarled a curse, setting off toward her.

"Give me that fucking phone."

Ned stepped out into the hallway. The one who had turned grabbed the guy beside him, and when they were both facing her, Nancy snapped off another shot. That made them both snarl, and Nancy and Ned glanced at each other.

They had a lockpick kit. Slamming the door in their faces would only buy them so much time.

Ned walked out into the hallway, and Nancy saw him briefly touch his injured wrist. She knew he was concerned about injuring it, and after a split second of deliberation, Nancy tossed her phone onto the bed, then glanced very quickly around her room. Lydia had placed a pole lamp near the door.

Seeing Nancy armed so unconventionally gave the guys pause, but they kept approaching anyway. "Give me the phone," the first guy repeated, his voice slower and more deliberate.

"Who sent you?" Nancy asked. "What were you supposed to do?"

The second guy frowned deeply. "Man, we need to get out of here," Nancy heard him mutter.

"Not without that phone," the first one replied.

Ned had been helping Nancy out on her cases since he had started dating Bess, and Nancy was well aware that he could handle himself in a fight, although she didn't want him to test his wrist. She jabbed out with the pole lamp, keeping the first guy away from Ned, but he snarled and broke the lamp.

The fight that followed was brief, but vicious. The second guy's heart wasn't in it, Nancy could tell, but the first guy's was. Ned dodged the first punch and managed to land one, and Nancy winced, lashing out with the broken lamp. She kicked the second guy and he howled in pain, his brows lowering as he came after her.

Doors across and down the hall opened, and Nancy knew it would only be a matter of time before campus security showed up. When the first guy caught Nancy in her injured side, she hissed in pain, directing a hard kick at his shin.

"Hey, assholes! The cops are on the way!" a girl across the hall shouted.

The first guy was angry, which was good for Ned; he was clearly telegraphing his punches, and while Ned did catch one on the point of his jaw, he managed to avoid or deflect the rest. The second guy danced out of the way of the pole lamp, then tried to grab it from Nancy, just as she had known he would. She gritted her teeth through the pain and used the momentum of his tug on the lamp to direct a quick, brutal kick at his midsection.

Nancy's dorm was co-ed, and the other half of the hall was male. A group of three large, muscular guys accompanied by two average-sized guys came down the hall, and their attackers, not liking their odds, took off. Nancy dropped the lamp and cupped her side, wincing in pain, and Ned glanced over at her, his eyes widening.

"Oh shit. Did he get you?"

Nancy nodded. "I'll be okay," she said, taking a deep breath.

Ned wanted to take her to the infirmary, but Nancy convinced him to wait until campus police showed up. The officer who showed up was cautiously optimistic when Nancy told him about the photos she had snapped with her cell phone camera, and she forwarded them to him to attach to the police report. After he handed Nancy his card and told Ned and Nancy to be careful, he left, and Nancy tentatively ran her fingertips against her side.

"Come on, let's go to the infirmary."

Nancy shook her head. "Seriously, I'm just sore."

Ned frowned. "Think some ice might help?"

"Probably," Nancy said with a sigh. She just wanted to go to bed, to not think about any of this for a while. She had a picture now, and she was hoping that, along with Maury's search, would yield some clues. And the sooner Ned was back at the Omega Chi house, the quicker she could get back to normal.

So he wasn't going to go back to Bess. Or, at least, he said he wasn't.

In the communal kitchen they found a large plastic zippered bag and filled it with ice, and Nancy let Ned guide her back to her room. She grabbed a clean worn towel and gently peeled her shirt up, and Ned hissed when he saw her side.

"God, Nan, that has to hurt."

She just closed her eyes for a second, not bothering to deny it. She moved onto the bed, spreading the towel over her belly and against her side, before she settled the ice over the tender skin. The cold came through the thin layer of the towel, and she shifted uncomfortably.

"Shit," she whispered. "I need some aspirin."

"Where is it?"

She directed him to where it was, closing her eyes. Lydia wouldn't be happy about the pole lamp. And the guys had lockpicks. If they came back later, a couple of flimsy desk chairs wouldn't stop them for long enough. Nothing really would.

"Nan."

Nancy blinked up at Ned, then sat up long enough to take a dose of aspirin and watched him do the same. She settled back onto the bed, closing her eyes.

"Thank you," she murmured. "For being here."

"Your roommate's not going to be back tonight, is she."

Nancy opened her eyes, and she didn't know what to say to him. The same lie she had been speaking rose to her lips, but she just felt tired. "I don't know," she said.

"I can't leave you here alone. Especially not after that."

Nancy flushed, and her heart was suddenly beating a little harder. She definitely felt more awake now. "I'll be okay," she murmured.

"You can go to sleep. I'll be here."

She struggled to sit up as Ned flipped off the overhead lights. "No," she protested weakly, propping her back against the wall as she faced him. "You can't."

"You received a fucking _death threat_. Two guys just tried to break into your damn room. I'm not leaving."

Nancy shifted the bag of ice against her side, her legs folded. The orange lamps outside cast a soft glow into the room through the blinds; the room was never really fully dark. She could make out Ned's silhouette in her chair, and in all honesty, she did feel safer with him here. But she couldn't sleep with him in her room. She just couldn't...

"You asked me what my problem was," Ned said softly, and hearing his voice in the dark, so intimate, sent a guilty tingle down her spine. "Do you still want to know?"

"Yeah," she whispered, moving her hand to the other side of the towel so she could keep the ice against her tender flesh.

"Almost four years ago I met a girl," Ned began. "She was cute and bubbly and sweet, and different—she didn't go to Mapleton, so I hadn't grown up around her. I liked her right away, and she made it clear that she liked me. But what was most intriguing about her was these stories she would tell me. She had helped track down smugglers and forgers, investigated hauntings and swindlers. She had traveled. And I loved to hear her stories. Four years ago, when I met her, I knew what my future was, and she was this tantalizing, unique girl. I was going to go to college, and come back to Mapleton, buy a nice house and marry her, and maybe every now and then we could go on one of these adventures she told me about.

"And then I met her best friend, the person who was responsible for all these great stories I kept hearing. And she was beautiful, smart, fearless, independent. She was like no one I had ever met. And from the first second I set eyes on her I knew two things: that I could fall for her if I wasn't careful, and that she would never look twice at a guy like me."

Nancy flushed in the dark, glad he couldn't see her.

"After all, what could I give her? I wasn't anything special. I wasn't looking for a life of excitement. But Bess, Bess wanted a calm, stable life back in Mapleton, and she adored me. She took me along whenever she would help out her best friend, and whenever she was afraid, timid, in danger, I was there to help protect her. And I loved that.

"But then I started to realize it. The more cases I helped out with, the more I wanted to help out. Even if Bess wasn't there or couldn't come along, I wanted to help out. I wanted to spend more time with her beautiful best friend. So maybe I had a crush on her; it was okay. Maybe every now and then I saw her looking at me, but I thought, no. I'm imagining this. And it doesn't matter; I'm with Bess, and she loves me, and I'd never do anything to hurt her.

"Something happened, though. Between the cases and starting at Emerson, I realized that I wanted more than this predictable life I'd planned. I wanted to travel. I wanted to learn new things, I wanted excitement. I wanted mysteries and adventure. I wanted calamari and salsa dancing and a thousand other things I had never even realized I wanted until I started spending time with you."

Nancy closed her eyes, tears pricking behind her lids. So she had caused this. Maybe the kiss hadn't done it, but she had.

"And I watched you, this beautiful woman who made me fall for her a little more every time I saw her, I watched you date guys who couldn't care less about your cases, who didn't want anything to do with them, who just wanted you to stay home and keep out of trouble, while I was the guy you called to talk to when you were stuck, or when you needed backup. And if that was all I could be to you, that was okay. I could live with that."

Nancy pulled in a shivering breath, wiping her cheeks. She had thought the same thing about him.

"And then my girlfriend, this girl I loved, the one I had always imagined myself marrying, started talking about our wedding, our life together. That picket fence and two point five kids I was supposed to want.

"But I realized that wasn't what I wanted, not yet. I wanted to _live_. I wanted to study abroad for a semester or a year; I wanted to track down bad guys. Maybe the idea wasn't quite so appealing without you by my side, but that didn't matter, not really. I wanted a life that Bess didn't. When I talked about studying abroad, she begged me to stay home, told me that she would just die if I left; her going with me wasn't an option, not to her. When I talked about maybe changing my concentration to something that could give me some kind of investigative credentials one day, she didn't understand why I didn't want to just get an accounting or business management degree and leave it at that. She told me that once I was finished with school, we could start planning our lives together.

"And I started feeling like I was suffocating. Any number of guys, at Emerson or ones who went to Mapleton with me, would die happy with a girl like Bess, the kind of girl who just wanted to stay home and keep house and be the ideal wife. But I wasn't that guy anymore.

"And that's my problem, Nancy. That's the mystery I need to solve. Bess loves me, wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but it's a life I no longer really want, not yet, and not with her. And from the second I met you, you... I've never thought that I could give you what you need, either. You never need anyone, and I know you don't need me.

"But I need you."

Nancy pressed her palm against her mouth, trying to keep herself quiet. She was trembling faintly.

"It's okay that you don't need me. It is. But Nancy... I'm so sorry I upset you; I never wanted that. Never. I want to be friends with you, because no matter what else, every woman I ever meet, I'll compare to you, and I'll find them all wanting. You're amazing. And maybe—" He shook his head. "Maybe you don't feel this way, but I..." He sighed and ran his hand through his dark hair. "I want to be here for you. As your friend, your backup, whatever. Nothing would make me happier. And part of the reason I've stayed with Bess as long as I have, is because at least that gave me a place in your life.

"Just—please don't tell me that it's going to end like this."

The quiet sincerity in his voice made Nancy speechless for a moment. "Can you come here," she said softly, and when he rose, she patted the bed next to her. He sat down at her less injured side, leaning against the wall, and she looked down.

When his hand found hers, his fingers laced between, and her heart was in her throat.

"Ned..." She swallowed hard. "I've never met anyone else like you. You're smart and brave and... and amazing. And the second I met _you_? I... I was so angry. Because I knew you were special, and I knew that because Bess loved you... I would never be able to feel anything for you. I was so glad she met you, because I love her, but I wished with all my heart that I could find a guy like you.

"And there is no one like you. You are one in a million."

Ned gently squeezed her hand. "So are you saying you don't feel anything for me?"

Nancy wished she was more awake, that the lights were on, that the feel of his skin against hers wasn't so damn intoxicating. "I'm saying it doesn't matter," she said softly. "It doesn't matter what I feel for you, or don't. If it's a choice between hurting myself or hurting someone I love... then there is no choice."

"I..." Ned sighed. "And if you and I had met first?"

Nancy frowned. "Please don't," she whispered. "We can't change what happened."

"But it's important, to me," he said. "If you had met me before Bess did..."

Nancy closed her eyes. She had done her best not to imagine that, knowing it would break her heart, the way it was breaking her now. "If I had met you first I would have fallen for you, so hard," she whispered. "I would have been happy because I would have found a man who could be my equal, who could support me and be there for me as my partner, instead of treating me like... like something less. And if you felt that way about me, too..."

She could hear Ned's breath. "I do," he said, his voice heavy.

Nancy released the bag of ice she was holding against her injured side to wipe a pair of tears from her cheeks.

"And—are you going to let some stupid accident, some minor detail, stop you?" he said, and she turned her face toward his. "Because you keep saying that you can't hurt someone you love, but..." He touched her face, brushing his thumb against the line of her jaw. "I think you deserve to include yourself in that. It breaks my heart when I see you hurt, and over these past few weeks, every time I see you, there's this shadow behind your eyes..."

Nancy's breath was trembling when she sighed. "I know you—that I shouldn't be like this," she whispered. "But, Ned, I..."

"I love you," he whispered, and his thumb was stroking her cheek. She took another trembling breath, unable to believe what she was hearing, unable to believe it might be true. "I have loved you for so long. Every time I've seen you, touched you, been able to protect you, it's just made me love you more. And I understand, I really do. While Bess and I were together, I had to lie to myself every single time our eyes met, tell myself that what I was feeling wasn't real...

"But we don't have to do that anymore, Nan. I'm tired of lying. I'm tired of pretending this isn't real, when this is one of the most genuine things in my life."

"I'm tired too," she whispered, and her heart was beating so hard that her lips were trembling. Her next words were just louder than breath, her eyes stinging with tears. "I have loved you for so damn long..."

He tipped her chin up and this time, when his lips brushed hers, she gave herself fully over to it, reaching up to cup his cheek. Her lips parted under his and his arms slipped around her as he kissed her, slow and sweet, until she nipped at him, and he chuckled as he nipped at her in return.

_I love you._

She couldn't believe the euphoria she had felt, that she was still feeling, after he had said those words.

He gently pulled her over so she was sitting with her legs across his lap, and she wrapped her arms around him, her fingers slipping into his hair as he embraced her. His tongue moved against hers and she was shaken to the fucking core, the tips of her breasts and the join of her thighs tingling as he deepened their kiss, and she followed, feeling utterly powerless in his arms. When his fingertips gently ran under the hem of her shirt, coming into contact with bare skin at the small of her back, she shuddered against him.

"God," she whispered, panting when he pulled back. "Oh my God..."

"Shh," he whispered, and kissed her again, and she closed her eyes, forgetting all the guilt and anxiety in the wave of pure joy that swept over her. When he moved to lie down on her bed, they were still wrapped around each other, and she stopped fighting it.

He loved her.

When their kiss broke, they were on their sides facing each other and he was gently stroking his fingertips over her spine, at the small of her back, and she felt safer than she had in a very long time.

"I love you," she whispered again, just for the sheer delight of being able to say it. She had never, never thought she would be able to tell him.

"I love you too," he whispered, and they were both smiling when he kissed her again.

_\--_

Nancy woke on her side, bundled under the covers. The bag of ice had slid off her side, and had probably melted into water by now. Somewhere near her head, an insistent cell phone alarm was going off.

She opened her eyes in time to see Ned turning off the alarm, and then he settled back down. While he was on his side, facing her, she was under the covers and he was over them, under her spare blanket, so they weren't actually in direct contact. She was cuddled up and warm, and then Ned smiled at her, reaching up to gently brush her hair from her cheek.

"Morning," he whispered.

"Morning," she whispered.

They had both been exhausted, and she remembered resting her eyes again, while they were still wrapped in each other's arms. He had moved her under the covers after she had fallen asleep.

She couldn't remember the last time she had opened her eyes and found herself still in bed with a guy, much less the last one who had actually been a gentleman with her. Although she really wouldn't have minded if Ned had slipped under the covers with her, the fact that he hadn't, that she was still fully dressed and so was he, made her heart swell a little more. He was just such a damn good guy.

And then it came back to her. Bess. Bess, who would be so upset if she knew that Nancy had spent the night in Ned's arms.

She tried to keep her expression the same as she curled back against him. "Five more minutes," she whispered against his chest, and she felt him chuckle as he gently stroked her hair.

"Five more minutes," he agreed softly.

She closed her eyes. Last night it had been so easy to let herself forget. In the light of morning, though... God. She couldn't imagine listening to Bess sob her heart out about Ned again, after what had just happened between them, but she couldn't bear to let him go just yet, either.

She took a quick shower and dressed, and went over to the Omega Chi house with Ned. He was reluctant to let her out of his sight, given the threats and the attack the night before, and Nancy kept telling herself that she needed to calm down, to be cool. Even so, every time he glanced over at her, a smile on his handsome face, she found herself smiling back at him. She couldn't help it.

Oh, she had been so afraid to believe this was possible. The only thing as powerful as the wave of joy she felt every time she thought of him or met his eyes, though, was the guilt.

She wanted to believe that Bess would understand, but Bess was still so in love with Ned, so torn up over their breakup. She wouldn't understand this at all.

And the thought of having to keep her distance from Ned, now, just made her heart ache.

Ned walked Nancy up to Maury's room, squeezing her hand as she knocked on his door. Ned swore he was only going to his room for a five-minute shower and to pack his books, and he wanted to walk her to her first class; she told him that if Maury was in good shape, she might take him up on his offer.

"Nancy! Morning."

Nancy glanced over at Maury's unmade bed and the fluorescent-green cup of soda near his elbow. "Late night, or early morning?"

"Both?" Maury pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I'm still working, although I did find something kind of interesting—"

"No, you tell me _right now._ Where were you last night?"

Nancy's eyes widened. Bess's voice.

Her stomach twisting, Nancy left her backpack on Maury's futon and went out into the hallway, heading toward Ned's room. Bess was standing at his door, her face flushed and arms crossed, her cell phone in her hand.

"Bess..."

Ned looked tired and weary, and when he glanced over at Nancy, Bess glanced over too, and her eyes widened.

"Nancy? What are you doing here?"

It wasn't a lie, and knowing that gave her voice strength. "Maury was working on a problem for me last night, so I dropped by to see if he found anything before I went to class," she said truthfully. "What's going on?"

Bess glanced from Nancy to Ned. "Make him tell me where he was last night," Bess said, her lip trembling. "Ned, _please_. Please. Are you seeing someone else? Is that why you're doing this? Just tell me..."

It took every bit of Nancy's will to walk over to Bess and touch her shoulder. "Bess, calm down," she said softly, and she couldn't look at Ned. She was praying that the flush she could feel creeping up her chest wouldn't reach her neck or her face. "Did you get any sleep at all last night?"

Bess shook her head, and her blue eyes were shining. "Ned, _please_ ," she sobbed. "Please. I'm so sorry. Just tell me what to do..."

Ned made a soft sound. "It wasn't anything you did," he said quietly.

"Then what?" she asked, and she was making a scene, but the anguish in her gaze was real. "Why am I not good enough for you anymore..."

Nancy swallowed hard, and with a little cajoling, she managed to wrap her arm around her friend's shoulders and get her to follow. She picked up her backpack from Maury's room, telling him that she would get in touch with him again after classes, and then began to guide Bess back to her room.

Bess wiped her face with the back of her hand. "He was gone _all night_ ," she wailed. "He's been seeing someone else, I just know it. Oh my God."

Nancy closed her eyes briefly. God, she felt like the worst person in the world. "Shhh, it's okay," she murmured. "It's okay. Just calm down, sweetheart. It's okay."

Bess sniffled and wiped at her eyes. "How is it ever gonna be okay," she whispered. "How is it going to be okay without him?"

Nancy shook her head. "I don't know," she told Bess. "But it has to be."


	6. Chapter 6

Sleet was coming down outside. Nancy looked down at her English textbook for the fifth time in ten minutes, trying to read the same paragraph again.

Three days had passed since she had woken up in Ned's arms.

And Ned had told Bess unequivocally that there was no chance they would be getting back together. Nancy knew because Bess had told her; she had told both Nancy and George, sobbing the entire time, and they had both shushed and tried to comfort her, but Bess had just wanted to go to bed. Nancy was worried about her, and George reassured Nancy that she would keep an eye on her cousin, and make sure she didn't do anything foolish.

In the pit of Nancy's stomach, she was imagining that Bess would make some terrible dramatic gesture. She would call Ned, tell him life wasn't worth living without him, that she was going to end it all... and Ned would rush to her side, terrified that she would hurt herself, Bess would take it as a sign they were meant to be together, he would fall in love with her again...

Nancy frowned as she tried to read the paragraph _again_.

Even though her memory of their conversation, his familiar voice whispering that he loved her, still gave an almost unbearable lightness to her heart, Nancy couldn't let herself truly believe it. They had both been tired and upset after the attack, it had been late...

He had texted her later that same day, the day Bess had confronted him outside his room, after she had talked to Maury again. Maury had managed to break into the email account, and someone had sent threats to the reporters working on the case from the same account. No other emails had been sent. However, the account asked for a backup email address during setup. Maury had started trying to trace that one. It didn't exist, but, as Maury explained, whoever had been creating it probably had some association with the letters and numbers he had chosen. He, or she, probably had a similar email account somewhere.

"And how can we figure out what it might be?" Nancy said, raising an eyebrow.

Maury shrugged. "I'll be honest with you. Once you have some suspects, we can see if their personal information corresponds with the made-up information somehow. For example, the birth year that was selected is probably close to his or her actual birth year. But we'll see. I'll keep monitoring the account in case it's used again."

Nancy had been on the way to class after when Ned had texted her. _When can I see you again?_

Nancy had bit her lip. _I don't know. I need time. I'm sorry._

Bess's histrionics just made Nancy feel more guilty, and she knew she was just avoiding him and the question, but the investigation was taking up a lot of her time. She kept in touch with Maury, talked to Hugh and Summer, tried to keep Bess's spirits up _and_ attend class and work on her homework, and after all that, she was lucky if she managed to get enough sleep.

On the third night, the night when it was sleeting, Bess had hatched a plan. She would go to the basketball game on campus and he would see her there, and see that she was miserable, that she was so devoted to him. And she needed her best friends with her.

Nancy had tried everything she could to get out of it, but in the end, the promise of seeing him, even from the audience, had been too much. She had dressed well, in a cashmere sweater and dark jeans, and when she put on the necklace he had given her, the euphoria had been touched with the familiar guilt.

And of course Ned had spotted them. Every time he glanced in their direction, his eyes met Nancy's, and she had flushed a little. And Bess had been convinced that she was getting his attention, that he was noticing her—that he'd be waiting for her back at her dorm after the game, a dozen roses in his hand...

The thought made Nancy's stomach flutter a little. She had been given a dozen roses before, multiple times. She had dated guys who were amazingly sweet and adored her, for whom she felt nothing. She had dated assholes who looked at her as arm candy, as a prize to be displayed, and she had broken herself against them, trying to drown what she was truly feeling.

But she had never been in love. She had never looked at any man she had dated that way. She had pitied them, scorned them, and sometimes she had just felt desperate, hoping that the next man she met, the next man who took her to bed, would be the one, would make her feel needed and loved and cherished, and that she could feel the same way in return. But she never had.

Not until Ned.

Nancy pulled her hand through her red-gold hair, then began to gather it into a loose ponytail and wrap an elastic around it. Another hour of studying and she would go to bed. She was feeling exhausted anyway.

Lydia returned to their room from the bathroom wearing a slinky one-shouldered black and gold dress, her eyes heavily lined. She pulled a pair of gorgeous slouch boots out of her closet and began to slip them on. "You _sure_ you don't want to go? You seemed to have a lot of fun at the last Delt party," Lydia said with a wink.

Nancy gave her roommate a faint smile and shook her head. While they still weren't best friends and probably never would be, at least they had become relatively comfortable around each other. Nancy had replaced the broken pole lamp, and Lydia had barely noticed the difference. "Nah. Got a lot of studying to do."

Lydia shrugged as she tossed her backpack onto the bed and slotted her laptop into the sleeve inside. "Devon's working on his CAD project, and if he finishes by midnight, I won't be back until tomorrow," she said, glancing in Nancy's direction. "If he doesn't, I'll be back later. You gonna be okay?"

Ned had been checking in on her, too. Nancy forced another smile. "I'll be okay. Go have fun at the party."

Once Lydia had buttoned into her coat and departed, Nancy changed into her pajamas and fuzzy socks, then went down the hall to wash her face and brush her teeth. She had two online articles to read for class, and her English homework to finish. That was, if she could even find a way to concentrate.

She had only spent one night in Ned's arms, but she had to admit that she hadn't slept as well since. Maury was still working on tracking down the sender of the emails, and until they figured out who it was, she wasn't sure she _would_ be able to sleep all that well.

She had just propped herself up on her pillows, sitting cross-legged with her laptop on her lap, when she heard a knock at the door. For a second she thought that maybe Lydia had returned, but when Lydia didn't call out immediately that she had left or lost her key, Nancy cautiously slid off the bed. She pulled her pepper spray out from underneath her pillow, where she kept it when she was in the room, and slowly, quietly walked to the door. If she turned off the light, whoever had knocked would definitely know someone was in the room.

"Nancy?"

Ned's voice.

Nancy took a deep breath. She had been listening to Bess's self-doubt and depression ever since Ned had told her it was over between them, telling herself that Bess just wouldn't understand, not yet. That hadn't stopped Nancy from counting the seconds since he had last touched her, last held her, last locked his dark-eyed gaze to hers. The thought of giving him up now killed her. Maybe they would have to wait a while to tell Bess, but she couldn't send him away, not anymore.

She opened the door, slowly at first, until she was sure Ned stood on the other side, then opened it fully. He had walked through the sleet, and she could see the trace of it on his coat, dampening his cap. His warm, dark eyes immediately met hers, and her heart rose into her throat.

"Can I come in?"

Nancy nodded, stepping back, and Ned slipped his backpack off his shoulders, placing it on the floor at the foot of her bed. He took off his coat and Nancy took it, draping it over the back of her desk chair so it could dry, and when she turned back around, Ned had taken off his cap and scarf. He dropped them on top of his backpack, then stepped forward, pulling her into his arms.

Nancy closed her eyes, hugging him back, and she smiled when he tipped his head down and nuzzled against her. "Hey," he whispered, his voice husky.

"Hey," she whispered, giving him one more squeeze before she stepped back, reluctantly. "I have some studying to do."

Her gaze was apologetic when it met his, but he nodded. "I do too, to be honest," he told her. "I just missed you too much to stay away, and when I saw that you were wearing the necklace..." He shrugged a little. "I guess maybe I thought it was a sign."

Nancy reached out and caught his hand in hers, squeezing a little. "Maybe it was," she said softly. "I missed you too."

He leaned down and gave her a soft, lingering kiss before she cupped his cheek, stroking it gently before they parted.

He kicked his shoes off and joined her on the bed, taking out his stats book and notebook. Nancy pulled up the articles she was supposed to read, and her knee was touching his. Every few minutes she caught him glancing over at her, or she couldn't stop herself from glancing over at him, and they smiled at each other before they went back to work.

She wondered for a second if Bess had done this with him too, if part of the reason she had lost so much interest in her classes was because Ned was no longer around to be her study partner. While Nancy and Ned were distracting each other a little, at least they were still working.

Nancy had just finished reading over the articles and had opened her mouth to ask Ned if he wanted a drink when her phone rang. She glanced at it, and her eyes widened. George was calling her.

She mouthed her friend's name to Ned and he nodded.

"Hello?"

"Hey Nan. How's it going?"

"Okay, just getting my homework done. What's up?"

George told Nancy that Bess had been deeply disappointed when Ned had seemed to look at her a lot during the game, but hadn't contacted her since. George had practically taken Bess's phone away to prevent her from texting Ned, telling her that if Ned wanted to contact her, she should wait for him to do that; he had noticed her, and if she went overboard trying to talk to him, she would spoil it.

"Is that what I should have said?" George asked, and Nancy handed Ned a drink, frowning. "I... God. It's just that she gets so upset after she talks to him."

And she was even more upset when Ned didn't take her calls. Nancy had been happy when Ned had stopped answering Bess's calls, but in a way it only made things worse; Bess spent the next hour telling herself that Ned had just been away from his phone, that he would call her back. When he didn't, the disappointment after the hope she felt was worse than actually talking to him.

Nancy sighed, sitting down in her desk chair. "I wish I knew what to do," she said softly. "I wish I knew what to say."

"Me too," George said. "I keep thinking that if she could just get out there and do something else, take her mind off things, maybe meet someone else..."

But Bess had told them over and over. Ned was the only man she would ever love. She had to have him back. She had to convince him to come back to her. And if she didn't...

When she hung up the phone, Nancy dry-washed her face with her palms. She had pulled a bottle of water out of the mini-fridge, but she hadn't opened it, and she just felt sick, guilty and miserable. If, somehow, she had never met him, he would still be with Bess, and he had said as much...

Ned's gaze was on her; Nancy could feel it. After a moment he put his books to the side. "Come here," he said softly.

Nancy glanced up at him, holding his gaze before she stood and came to him. He pulled her into his arms, sitting with her legs across his lap, and she slipped her arm around his shoulders as he embraced her.

"It's okay," he said softly.

Nancy closed her eyes. "How do you love me," she said softly. "How can you love me when... all the time we spent together, you were with her..."

Ned stroked her back. "I didn't want to," he said. "And I think... it was that first case I helped you work on. You were so fearless, and so dedicated, more than anyone else I'd ever met. You were so strong and independent and I know it's foolish but that's part of why... why I fell in love with you. I'd never met a woman who was anything like you. And I... I could be safe, loving you. You'd never love me back."

Nancy pressed her face against his neck. "How could I not love you," she whispered.

"And how could I not love you?" he said softly. "Everything about you. That look you get in your eyes when you're thinking through a case. The way you walk into a situation with the odds so firmly stacked against you and still come out on top. The way you do anything for your friends, and oh, how you fight when someone you love is in trouble. The way even a fucking death threat still won't scare you off."

She chuckled, briefly, humorlessly.

"I fell in love with you when I saw you... those nights, when Bess said we had to take you out, all three of us, just to make sure you weren't alone, because of your mom, and my heart broke for you," he said softly, and Nancy felt warm tears suddenly flood her eyes. He drew his fingertips up and down her spine and she drew in a trembling breath. "When I realized that I hated it and loved it when you cut your hair—because I loved that you weren't dating whatever asshole you had been seeing anymore, but I hated that you had to be hurting, and I wished your hair was long. I've never really seen it long."

"It hasn't been, for a long time," she whispered.

"I know that when you wear your grey sweater hoodie thing it means you're feeling sad," he said softly. "I know that you love pink roses but you love lilies even more, and I want to give you flowers, candy, chocolate, jewelry, anything, _anything_ that will make you happy. I hate seeing you upset. I hate that you're upset right now."

"I don't need those things," she said softly. "And you make me happy, you make me so happy."

He touched her cheek. "Then why are you so sad right now," he murmured.

She pulled back to look into his face. "Because my best friend is upset," she said softly. "And if you had never met me she wouldn't be upset right now, because you wouldn't have broken up with her..."

Ned frowned, but he kept holding her gaze.

"But I can't let you go," she said softly. "Oh God, I wish I had the strength but I can't let you go. You are everything I have ever wanted, Ned. _Everything._ And I have never, never felt about anyone else the way I feel about you."

"Then don't let me go," he said, leaning down to gently brush his lips against hers. "Because you are everything I want too."

Nancy knew she needed to finish her other assignment, but when Ned kissed her, she couldn't stop him. She didn't want to. She slipped forward, burying her fingers in his hair as his tongue slipped between her parted lips, and she shivered, a blush rising to her cheeks when just the sheer knowledge of what he was doing to her was enough to make her aroused. She had fantasized, dreamed and wished for this for so long that she was aching, throbbing with a desire she usually satisfied herself.

God, if he touched her now... if she reached down and drew her top off, brought his hand up to cup her breast...

She released a soft moan before she kissed him again, and she knew the color was high in her cheeks when she pulled back. It took her a second to get back under control again. "Have to stop," she murmured. "Or I am never gonna get this damn homework done..."

Ned nodded, but his gaze dropped to her lips, and he kissed her one last long, lingering time before he let her go.

Even when she sat down with her English book again, she was still uncomfortably aware of how slick she was. Ned wasn't one of those guys; with Colin, with Steve, it hadn't mattered to her that she had slept with them so quickly. They were a means to an end, a distraction, and they didn't mean anything to her. Ned was different. Otherwise she would just take her top off, slide her pajama pants down, and straddle him, grind her hips down against his until he took her bra off, cupping her tender breasts, fondling her nipples...

She shook her head, picking up her water bottle so she could take a long sip, trying to cool down. No. Sex would _definitely_ complicate things more than she wanted.

But then, she had to admit, she wouldn't have chosen this either. And the knowledge that in her dorm room, Bess was waiting for some hint, some sign that Ned would take her back, dreading another night spent without him... God, just glancing over at Ned made Nancy burn with guilt.

Ned finished with his homework a few minutes before she did, and glanced over at her. "I know that you..." He shook his head. "Any more threats?"

Nancy glanced up at him. "Not like that one. Just a couple of the usual kind. 'You're an idiot, you don't know what kind of harm you're doing,' that kind of thing."

Ned's lips quirked up in a sardonic smile. "Be that as it may... it's late, and I hate the thought of you sleeping alone in here."

Some perverse instinct in her made her say, "Well, Lydia said she _might_ be back later... she wasn't sure."

"Then I'm staying here," Ned said, then tilted his head. "I mean, if that's okay with you."

Nancy tried unsuccessfully to keep a smile off her face. She knew she should insist that he leave, but now that she knew what it felt like to sleep in his arms, the opportunity was far too tempting to resist. "I'd like that," she admitted.

He picked up his backpack, and when he came back a few minutes later, he had washed his face, brushed his teeth, and changed into an undershirt and flannel pants. He looked utterly adorable to Nancy, who had caught glimpses of him dressed that way before, and she couldn't stop herself from smiling at him when he walked back in. She made one last quick trip to the bathroom herself, and when she returned, Ned was sitting on her bed.

He was just sitting there, on her _bed_.

Nancy ran a hand through her hair, then set her alarm so she could take a shower before going to class. Ned had even brought his own phone charger.

"Damn, you really did come prepared."

Ned shrugged. "Hey, I'm an Eagle Scout, remember?"

"No wonder you're such a gentleman." Nancy took her books off the bed and slipped her socks off, then deadbolted the door. "It's okay if you—you can sleep under the covers with me," she offered.

Ned glanced down. "I've—I get hot when I sleep," he said. "I mean, I have boxers on under this, but..."

"That's okay," she told him, flipping the light off, and as he stripped off his flannel pants, Nancy, swallowing hard, reached up under her shirt and took her bra off without taking her shirt off. She left it with the rest of her dirty clothes, then pulled the covers back.

She had been wearing her bra, last time. Not because she had particularly wanted to, just because she had fallen asleep before she had taken it off. And her nipples were definitely hard-tipped under her shirt, so sensitive that she felt a tingle go down her spine every time the smooth cotton fabric shifted against them.

Her bed was so small that only one of them could really lie down; the other would have to rest on a side. She moved to the inside, close to the wall, and Ned moved onto the bed with her, his head on her pillow. The room was still a soft twilight dark.

"I love you," Ned said softly.

"I love you too," she whispered, moving onto her side so he could spoon up behind her, and he did. He draped his arm over her and made a soft sound, and God, he really was incredibly warm. She had woken up a few times before shivering in her dorm room, so she rested her hand against his and smiled.

Just the sheer joy of being in his arms, though, had her keyed up. Last time, they had kissed until she had fallen asleep, and while she knew how dangerous it was to do that, after countless minutes of just staring at the wall, trying to convince herself not to do it, trying to convince herself to just stop thinking about it, she shifted onto her back.

Ned had his eyes open when she glanced over at him; she could see the glint of them in the dark, even if she couldn't really see the expression on his face. His hand had slid low on her belly, almost to the band of her cotton pants.

"You okay?" he whispered.

"Yeah," she whispered. "Just needed something."

"What?"

She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair, and he barely needed any urging at all to lean down to her. He lightly skimmed his fingertips up her side as his lips brushed hers, and when he deepened the kiss she drew her knee up, stroking her fingertips down the back of his neck.

She knew what to do when this meant nothing. She didn't know what to do when it made her feel like this.

He kissed her again, deeply, and when she felt his fingers drift close to her breast, a delicious tingle shot down her spine. He stopped just before he touched her, though, both their lips red and wet from the press of their kiss, and she made a soft disappointed sound.

"Did you say your roommate might be back tonight?"

Nancy sighed. "Yeah," she mumbled. She was about to offer to put the hair elastic on the doorknob so Lydia wouldn't come in, but it just seemed so tawdry, and she didn't want what they were doing to feel that way.

"Then I'll be good."

Nancy's brows drew together, and before she could stop herself, she made a soft disappointed sound. Ned chuckled a little when he leaned down, nipping softly at her, before he whispered into her ear, "Not that good."

Bess had told Nancy and George so many times how amazing Ned was, at anything. The way he kissed her, touched her, held her, treated her when they were close. Nancy knew that he had probably touched her best friend this way, made her feel like she was the center of his world, and for a moment she wanted to tell him to stop. It was too soon; how could he be over Bess already? If she was just a rebound, if he was just using her to help him get over their breakup...

_But he broke up with_ her _,_ Nancy reminded herself, trying to make herself believe. _It isn't like that. It isn't._

But every other man who had ever been with her had made her believe that kissing, touching each other, experiencing physical pleasure, had nothing to do with love. She had never loved Colin, but that hadn't stopped her. She hadn't loved Steve.

But touching Ned, feeling him touch her in return—she didn't want this to be meaningless. She didn't want to be with him like this and wake up in the morning to find out it hadn't meant anything to him. But she was afraid, so afraid...

When she had woken up in his arms, the same affection and love had been in his eyes. But that night, they hadn't gone this far.

Ned cupped her breast through her shirt and she arched, her lips parted when he kissed her again. His thumb brushed the hard point of her nipple and she hummed against his lips, reaching for the hem of his shirt. She wanted to feel bare flesh—

She wanted his weight pressing her into her bed, she wanted to wrap her legs around him—

Ned let her pull his shirt off, and then he was sighing in pleasure as she ran her hands up and down his muscular back. He gently circled her nipple with the point of his thumb, and she flushed, tipping her chin up so she could kiss him, his chin, the point of his jaw. When he touched her, cupping her breast, fondling her, she moaned with such deep longing, feeling a rush of slick warmth between her thighs.

God, she wanted him. Oh, how desperately she wanted him.

He slipped one knee between her parted legs, then the other, and she pulled her heels back, cradling him between her thighs. He didn't lower his hips to hers, just supported his weight on his knees and elbow as he kissed her, as he kept fondling and stroking her. With every touch she just felt more desperate, and he groaned when she dragged her nails up his back.

He grabbed the hem of her shirt and dragged it up above her bare breasts, and Nancy actually shuddered when he gently squeezed her, when she finally felt the warmth of his hand against bare skin. He broke their kiss, nipping at her before he nuzzled his way down her neck, planting soft kisses under her jaw, down her throat, to the hollow between her collarbones. When he nuzzled against her breast she closed her eyes, her lips parting, and her nails dug into his shoulder, her breath coming out in a long hushed moan as he kissed her nipple.

"Ned," she whimpered. "Oh my _God_..."

He kissed the other, then moved back so he could look into her face, and she blinked up at him, all of her, all her attention centered on him, on the touch of his fingertips, on the warmth of him. He moved back down to her, kissing her lips again, and his chest was so warm against her bare breasts. She arched to press harder against him and when he sucked her earlobe into his mouth, his tongue flicking against her throat, she shivered.

He suckled against her breast and Nancy wrapped her legs around him, panting, running her fingers through his hair as she clung to him. Her clit was tingling with awareness, her sex weakly clenching in anticipation.

He moved to the other and she closed her eyes, giving in to it. He ran the edge of his tongue against the sensitive tip of her breast, glanced his teeth over it, and she angled her hips, moaning as she sought contact with him. She just wanted to feel him. God, she was just so damn aroused.

Ned moved back and she looked up at him again, still panting a little. "That okay?" he murmured.

"God, yes," she whispered. "Oh God, that feels so good."

He smiled at her. "Good," he whispered. "We should stop. Shouldn't we."

Nancy closed her eyes for a moment. "Then I'll be right back," she said, and a flush rose in her cheeks as she said it.

"Oh?"

"Just need to... cool down," she murmured lamely. As aroused as she was, there was no way she would be able to sleep beside him without trying something more, and if he didn't want to go that far, she had to take care of it.

"Do you mean you..."

Nancy cleared her throat, pulling her shirt down. "I'll be right back," she repeated.

But Ned caged her beneath him, leaning down to whisper directly into her ear. "Do you want me to touch you," he murmured, and his voice was a rough whisper.

Nancy's immediate shudder at the thought gave her answer, and she glanced over at her alarm clock. She didn't really think that Lydia would be back overnight, but they had at least thirty minutes before Nancy thought she could possibly come in. "Yes," she said, her voice low too.

Nancy had a small lamp near her bed, and Ned groped for it, turning it on. They both blinked, and Nancy raised an eyebrow.

"I want to see you, beautiful," he said, stroking her cheek. "I want to see what we're doing. And I'm sorry, and next time it won't be like this."

"Next time?" she asked, before she could stop herself.

He nodded, pushing her shirt up again. "The next time we go to bed," he said, shifting so he could fondle her other breast. "We'll use my room, because my bed is actually a double, and we won't be interrupted all night." His gaze went back to hers. "I don't want to spend our time together worrying about someone walking in on us."

"Oh," she said softly. "And what... what will we do, while we're alone?"

"Whatever you want," he said softly, and when he began to push her cotton pants down, Nancy moved to take them off. "It's just, the first time I make love to you, every time I make love to you, I want it to be special, sweetheart."

Making love. She had never made love to anyone, but the thought of having sex with him... he would make love to her. The thought made her almost lightheaded with happiness.

He began with slow, steady caresses over her chest, drawing circles, stroking his fingertips against her belly, until he was teasing the edge of the elastic of her panties. She kept her gaze on him, and while sometimes he glanced down at what he was doing with his fingers, for most of the time, his dark-eyed gaze was on hers. She was so relieved when his gaze wasn't indolent or bored; he looked intent, curious, and a small smile flirted with his lips every time her lips parted, every time she moved to arch up against his touch. So often she had just wanted to get it over with, but tonight she never wanted it to end.

She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair, aching for him, and he seemed to sense it. He leaned down and kissed her just as he slipped his fingertips beneath the band of her panties, and she groaned into his mouth. Her nipples were kissed sensitive by the cold air in her room, and she wanted so, so much for him to suckle against her again. She craved the feel of him against her.

He pulled back to gaze down at her as she parted her legs for him, quivering in anticipation as he cupped the join of her thighs, his hand under her panties. When she brought her hand up and cupped her breast, idly stroking her thumb back and forth over her nipple, he quirked an eyebrow up slightly, tracing the seam of her sex with his index finger.

"I... I've fantasized about this," she whispered, blushing again as she admitted it.

"Oh?" He made his next stroke even lighter, and she tilted her hips. "And what do you do when you fantasize about this?"

"Touch myself," she admitted, forcing herself to hold his gaze. "Rub my clit and work my fingers up inside me until I come, with your name on my lips..."

Ned was already clearly becoming aroused, but when she said that he leaned down, kissing her hard as he rubbed his thumb back and forth over the top of her slit, just barely teasing her clit. She slipped her arm around his shoulders, her nails digging into his back, and God, she was already so fucking slick from when he had put his mouth on her breasts...

He nipped at her, panting a little when he pulled back, breaking their kiss. "I'd love to watch sometime," he told her, and she moaned softly when his fingertips traced the opening of her sex. "Holy God, you're so wet. Shit, Nan..."

She pinched her nipple between cool fingers, then bucked under him when he rubbed her clit a little harder. "Please," she begged him, rocking her hips.

He slipped two fingers into the slick heat of her sex and rubbed his thumb hard against her clit, and she cried out, scrabbling for him. God, she wanted to feel him, and she turned her face against his shoulder, breathing him in, the faint trace of sweat and his cologne and soap, the masculine scent of him, as he began to move his fingers in and out of her. He plunged them deep, quick, and she sobbed, muffling herself against his skin.

"Good? Too much?"

Nancy shook her head, gasping, flicking her nipple with her thumb as she ground against him. "So, so good... Fuck," she moaned, and she was so hot, she was burning up. He slipped a third finger into her with the first two and she tipped her head back, crying out again, gasping for breath.

"Look at me when you come," he breathed, his voice husky, and she moaned in agreement, shuddering as he ran the tip of his thumb in a circle around her clit, then flicked it with a rapid hard swipe. His fingers were longer than hers, and she didn't know what he was going to do the way she knew what would happen when she touched herself, so every shift in tempo, every pause and flutter, made her almost lose her mind at the bliss of it.

Every other man she had been to bed with had been either timid or too forceful, cautious or bored. Ned kept his gaze locked to her face, and he had known her, they had known each other for so long that when her brow knit, when he groaned, they moved without needing to speak.

"Ned," she breathed, shuddering as he stroked his fingers in and out of her, and she gasped out a cry when he flicked her clit again. "Oh God, _Ned_ ," she sobbed, "oh God, _please_..."

She slipped her fingers into his hair, and he was perched at the edge of her bed, gazing down at her. She urged him down and he kissed her again, and she cried out against his lips, her hips rocking frantically as her climax rose, tightening against her stomach, down her spine.

"Yes, oh God... Oh, oh! Oh God, _Ned_ ," she cried out, making herself as quiet as she could, her inner flesh rippling around his fingers as she reached her orgasm. Ned's lips were parted, his dark eyes intent on hers as he watched her come, his fingers still working inside and against her sensitive flesh, and he kept stroking her through it, drawing it out until she thought that the sheer joy of it would kill her. She bucked against him again, loosely cupping her breast, and when he finally, finally stopped, she slumped to the bed, trying desperately to catch her breath.

And he was aroused, she could tell, from the way he was straining against his underwear. He looked down as she reached for her pajama pants, pulling them back on; she had gooseflesh from the chill of the room, in the afterglow of her climax, and everything that came in contact with her oversensitized skin made her tremble.

"I... shit."

She glanced down at him again, then reached for the covers, pulling them up over them both. Lydia still wouldn't be back for a little while. "Here," Nancy whispered.

She could tell that he wanted her to touch him, but he glanced at the door. "It's okay, we still have some time," she murmured, stroking her fingertips down his side. "Do you not—do you not want me to?"

"I do," he said softly. "I was just... I tried to take care of this earlier but you are just so fucking gorgeous, and God, being able to watch you come..."

She smiled at him. "Well, let me return the favor," she murmured.

"You don't have any lube, do you."

"Kinda," she said, and she heard him push down his underwear as she slipped her hand into her panties, stroking her fingers against her slick, tender lips and shivering at the sensation before she reached for him. She moved onto her side so he could lie on his back, and just as he had done, she gazed down at him, watching his face as she stroked him under the covers, her fingers slick with her own arousal.

Ned groaned, threading his fingers through her hair. "God, that feels so good," he told her, his hips pushing against her hand as she fondled him. "Oh fuck, mmmm, Nan, just like that."

She couldn't see him as she stroked him, but from his girth, just from the length of his fingers when he had been stroking them inside her, she knew he was going to fill her up. She was still so tight that having sex with a well-endowed man took her a little bit of adjustment, and she wondered how long it would take the first time he slipped inside her for the discomfort to become pleasure...

She ran the ball of her thumb over the head of his cock and Ned sucked in a swift breath. "I'm close," he warned her, and together they pushed back the covers so he wouldn't make a mess in her bed. They gazed at each other and she watched him as he came, his lips parting, with a deep moan he stifled into her pillow.

They cleaned themselves up after, and while Ned was disappointed that she tugged her shirt back down, he didn't object. He pulled her into his arms and she was shivering from the chill in the air, cuddled against him and almost fully covered by the blankets, and slowly his proximity began to warm her up again.

"Are you okay?"

She smiled. "Definitely much better than okay," she whispered, her voice muffled a little as she nuzzled into his undershirt.

His lips brushed the crown of her head. "I can't believe it,"  he said softly.

"What?"

"That you feel this way too,"  he whispered. "After I spent so long... I have wanted you so much, and it feels like a dream..."

"I know," Nancy whispered. Part of her wished it was a dream, that the prospect of talking to her best friend again didn't fill her stomach with iced water.

"Ned?"

"Hmm?"

Nancy sighed, then tipped her head back so she could look into his eyes. "You said that you love me—"

"I do. I love you so much." He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek.

Her gaze dropped from his own to his lips, then back again. "We can't... we can't be together," she said. "You know—"

Ned frowned, his brows drawing together. "I told you—"

She reached up and touched her thumb to his lips. "I know how we feel about each other," she said softly. "And I know that—God, the timing... It's just, I'm not seeing anyone right now, and if we're... _together_..."

"I'd like for us to be," he whispered, and kissed her thumb.

"Then we can't," she said, shaking her head. "Not—I'm not saying never, I'm saying not yet. We can keep... we can keep seeing each other, but... I just don't want to rub Bess's face in it, you know?"

Ned's expression cleared. "You don't want to hurt her."

Nancy nodded, relieved. "And when the time is right... God, I don't know how it ever will be, but I'll tell her then. When she's not so upset."

"And then we can be... _together_?" he asked, emphasizing the word the same way she had.

She nodded. "I'd love to be with you," she murmured, and ran her hand through his hair. "All the time. But we need to be careful."

"And if I tell you that I'll wait for you, but... I need a deadline, okay? Because regardless of anything, if you want to be with me, then as far as I'm concerned, we _are_ together. Even if we don't go on a date in public for the next six months, we're together. If you want to be."

She couldn't stop herself from grinning as she nodded. "I'd like that," she whispered.

"Then... two months, okay? I hate the idea of not being able to take you to the Valentine's Day party at Omega Chi, but maybe we could go out anyway?"

The earnest look on his face warmed her. "We'll have to go somewhere we won't be seen," she said firmly.

"But you'll go somewhere with me? So I can treat my girl the way I've always wanted to?"

She giggled, nodding, and when he kissed her, she melted against him. _My girl._ She loved hearing him call her that.

They were both startled when they heard a key in the lock, and Ned pushed himself up a little. Nancy had turned her lamp off, and when her roommate walked in, silhouetted against the hallway light, Ned slumped back into bed again. Lydia closed the door quietly, then clicked on her own desk lamp, dropping her backpack to the floor.

"Hey Lydia," Nancy said, her voice resigned.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to—oh shit."

Ned gave her a little wave. "Hi."

"Hi. Sorry, I'm so sorry. No wonder you didn't want to hit the Delt party, Nan. You certainly traded up."

Nancy blushed a little. "This is Ned," she said, pushing her hair out of her face. "You met—"

"I remember. Nice to see you again, Ned. Look, I can—I can get out of here. Devon has a futon..."

"No, seriously. We were about to go to sleep anyway," Nancy said.

"Are you sure?" Lydia reached down and began to unzip her boots, and for a second Nancy panicked, sure that Lydia was just going to start stripping in front of Ned. "The weather is totally shit and it would suck to have to go back out in it, but seriously..."

"No, it's fine. It's your room too."

"Cool. Sorry. I'll be right back."

Lydia scooped up her own pajamas and toiletries and headed for the bathroom, and when the door closed behind her, Ned chuckled. "Next time, my room," he reminded her.

Nancy paused. "Will they... I mean, if you tell your brothers about the situation..."

Ned shrugged. "They'll be cool, I'm sure. We'll just be careful." He kissed her temple.

Nancy closed her eyes. "You said... earlier. You said, 'when we make love...'"

"Mmm-hmm."

"I know... you probably want us to... I mean, Lydia came in, and—"

Ned pulled back and looked down at Nancy, touching her cheek so she would open her eyes. "Look, next time we sleep over? Whatever you want. Or the next time. Or Valentine's Day, or whenever. Seriously. I like sleeping next to you, and I like holding you, and making out with you... and if you want to take this slow, that's fine."

Nancy took a deep breath. "You're not going to be disappointed? I mean, it's just... I, _this_ , is so important to me, and I just don't want to take things too fast and fuck it up..."

He brushed the tip of his nose against hers, kissed her cheek, the soft place behind her ear. "As long as it _will_ happen, I can wait. Because I don't want to fuck this up either, and I don't want to rush into something you don't want. You are incredibly fucking gorgeous, and I have thought about you naked _a lot_ , but I told you. I want it to be special for us."

He was just so incredibly sweet. She had been expecting him to think that the next time they were in bed together, she would definitely put out, and she was relieved by what he was saying. Dating him without telling Bess was already such an awful thing for her to be doing—not that what they had just done to each other was all that innocent, either—but the thought of crossing that line with him... Maybe she would be able to somehow break the news to Bess soon, and then the thought of sleeping with Ned wouldn't fill her with such guilt.

She still couldn't imagine _ever_ telling Bess that she and Ned were in a relationship, though. At least he wasn't with Bess anymore. She couldn't imagine them gathering for a casual lunch, Bess visibly distraught over Ned, as Nancy fought to keep herself from staring at him... 

She couldn't help teasing him, though. "Oh, you've thought about me naked a lot?"

"You aren't the only one who's been frantically pleasuring himself at the thought of something a lot like what just happened."

"Herself."

"Whatever."

"I just hope I can live up to your imagination."

"I just hope I can live up to yours." Ned kissed her earlobe. "Because, baby, whatever I've ever dreamed of... you're always better."


	7. Chapter 7

"Okay, seriously. You have _got_ to be lying. Help me out here! I need some good news for once."

George had managed to convince Bess to go to class, and the three of them were meeting for lunch. Bess hadn't taken the usual care with her appearance—she wore her straw-blonde hair in a messy ponytail that wasn't just cleverly arranged to look that way, and she wore sherpa-lined boots and a hooded Emerson sweatshirt that fit her well enough to not be one of Ned's—but at least she was out of the room, doing something other than talking about Ned, and that was good.

Except that from the second she had seen Nancy, Bess had pronounced, in her usual dramatic way, that Nancy had a new guy.

"You just have that _glow_ about you! Come on, George, can't you see it?"

George glanced at Nancy as she picked up a serving of lasagna. She couldn't turn it down whenever it was available, a fact that gave Bess limitless glee. "You do look awfully happy," George commented.

In the safety of her own head, Nancy cursed. She had tried to make herself forget it before she had walked into the food court to meet them, but all day long, ever since she had woken up in Ned's arms, their conversation had been lingering in her head. They were _together_. Even if they couldn't be a couple in public, they were _together._ She had never dreamed it would ever be possible, and she felt like no one in the world could possibly be happier.

And then she had seen Bess, and it had crashed down on her again. Bess, the reason that they couldn't go on dates in public, couldn't go to the next Omega Chi party together, couldn't plan on an intimate dinner together in Emersonville on Valentine's Day. Bess, who had been Nancy's best friend for as long as she could even remember, who didn't deserve the way her best friend was betraying her. God, if Bess knew that Ned had spent the night in her bed...

Another wave of guilt hit her as Nancy shrugged, filling a cup with diet soda. "Maybe it's my new concealer?"

Bess studied her intently, then shook her head. "Nope. And why don't you listen to me when I tell you that you really need one with blue undertones?"

"Because I still don't know what that _means_."

"Then we should definitely go shopping."

"And that _will_ perk her right up," George said dryly as they took their trays to the cashier.

"Is it that you got back together with Colin? I heard the Delta party last night was pretty great, in spite of the sucky weather," Bess said as they found a table and sat down.

"That's what Lydia told me. No, I had a lot of homework to catch up on." Nancy focused on unwrapping her straw instead of looking at Bess and George as she said it. While Nancy liked to believe she had a great poker face, she had never really been able to lie to Bess and George. She hadn't needed to. It hurt her that she felt like she needed to now.

God, what was wrong with her? She had never, never thought she would be this kind of person. Sneaking around her best friends' backs, hiding what she was doing from them. Under any other circumstance, she would be happily telling them about Ned, about how happy she was with him, how excited and eager she was to go out with him on Valentine's Day. Instead, she felt miserable.

Despite what she had told Ned the night before, despite what she kept trying to tell herself, Nancy was sure that Bess would never just calmly accept that Nancy and Ned were dating. She had loved him too long, had known him for too long, to just let him go without a fight.

Nancy had to admit that if their positions were reversed, she wouldn't be able to let him go easily either. And that just made her feel worse.

Bess swirled a french fry in ketchup before bringing it to her mouth. "So, Drew, if you aren't going to tell us..." She rolled her eyes. "Theta Pi's having a party Saturday night."

Nancy and George glanced at each other. Theta Pi and Omega Chi were brother and sister houses, and they had spent a lot of time at Theta Pi when they had come to visit Ned the year before. A party at Theta Pi almost guaranteed Ned's attendance. The bigger party and dance would be the night of Valentine's Day at Ned's fraternity, so the Theta Pi girls threw their own separate one earlier.

"We have to go. I'm sure Brook will invite us if we ask her."

Nancy glanced down, releasing a silent sigh. "Bess... I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"It's a great idea!" Bess insisted, shaking her head. "I'll find some amazing dress and he'll be there, he'll see me... he'll be dressed up, the way he always is, so handsome, and he'll remember why he's in love with me..."

Nancy's stomach dropped, and her throat grew thick.

_There's no chance we're getting back together._

Nancy felt it again, her doubt and misgivings. She had no doubt that she loved Ned, but seeing Bess like this made her sure that her feelings for him weren't enough. Ned and Bess had been together so long. He couldn't be over her yet. He couldn't really be done with her. Eventually Ned would run into her, and his guilt and the lingering feelings he had for her would draw him back to her...

Because how could he have been so sweet, so gentle, so totally in love with her... and then, suddenly, not in love with her anymore. From the first time their gazes had met, Nancy had been so incredibly aware of Ned, had watched him with her best friend, and she had never doubted that Ned had loved Bess. She had eaten her own heart out over it enough times, for sure.

But, looking back, she remembered that Ned had always been considerate and sweet to all of them. He and George had loved to compete with each other, to rib each other, to watch action movies and discuss football and basketball. With Nancy, their connection had been his help on her cases, the countless times he had saved her life, put himself in danger to save or help her. And, of course, the necklace she had found on her porch last Christmas, the ring he had given her.

Nancy frowned down at her plate, her appetite shrinking. How could she be sure about him? How could she ever be sure?

Bess dipped her last fry in ketchup as George finished saying why she thought they should skip the party. "I just don't want to give up on him so easily," Bess mumbled, frowning, her blue eyes shimmering with tears. "I can't give him up..."

George sighed, glancing over at Nancy. "If he doesn't want to be with you, why would you want to be with him?"

A tear streaked down Bess's face. "Because we're meant to be together," Bess whispered. "I know we are."

Nancy swallowed hard. "Need a napkin," she muttered, hastily pushing off her chair. She didn't want Bess and George to see how upset she was.

She couldn't do this. She just couldn't do this. Not yet, but she was afraid maybe not ever. She and Bess and George had been friends for _so long_...

Then she tried to imagine never spending the night in Ned's arms again, never feeling the warmth of his embrace, his lips against hers, and she felt worse. She should never have given in. If she hadn't known how he felt about her...

Nancy was on the way back to their table, her stomach churning with anxiety, when a group of girls crossed in front of her. "You," one of them said, stopping to stare at Nancy. "The dean's started making a committee after your ridiculous accusations and a lot of really good athletes are worrying about their scholarships now. Are you happy?"

Nancy was struck speechless for a second by the fury in the girl's eyes, and George jumped up, flushing. "They don't have anything to be worried about if they were honest," George shot back, her eyes narrowed. "If they didn't hide anything, there's nothing to be found."

Nancy sat down once the girl gave up, flipping her hair and walking away with her friends. "Thanks," she told George with a small smile.

"I just can't stand that kind of thing," George said, shaking her head as she forked another bite of lasagna. "What does she know? This is really doing them a favor."

"So how's the case going?" Bess asked.

Nancy was relieved at the change in topic, and filled her friends in on her progress. She and Ned had brainstormed a little over breakfast—and remembering that made her stomach jump again. If one of the athletes was alarmed enough to send thugs over to Nancy's room to check for evidence, that indicated he or she had a lot to lose.

"Maybe someone who has a major sports career and some endorsements?" George suggested, raising her water bottle.

Nancy nodded. "Exactly. That kind of thing."

George wrinkled her nose. "Well, I know that Justin Littleman just signed a deal to do some commercials for a new sports drink..."

Nancy made notes about the athletes George suggested, and Bess, who had kept up with the basketball team since Ned was on it, knew the names of the guys who were rising stars. While most of the names were already on her suspect list, she didn't want to overlook any good possibilities.

On her way to class, Nancy pulled up her email on her phone. _Maury, one thing that might work--can we cross-check dates? Whoever is running this thing can't be someone recent, but maybe someone with known association to Morrow? Unless it's been passed down through successors, maybe we could find some connection..._

While Nancy stayed in contact with Ned via email and text message, she was glad to take the time apart. Whenever she was around him, she couldn't help herself; she couldn't stay away from him, couldn't think clearly. All she wanted was his arms around her, to wrap herself around him and lose herself in the joy of just being with him. But every embrace, every kiss, felt like she was betraying Bess all over again.

And if he could do this to Bess, how would she ever fucking know that he wouldn't do it to her? Maybe a few months from now, maybe a few years, if his goals, if what made him happy changed... eventually he _would_ want to settle down, even if it wasn't now. She would be working such long hours in law school, and then after, as a new hire at a firm—or she might discover that she didn't want to go into law, that she wanted to become a professional private investigator, and that would mean long hours too.

God, she wished with all her heart that this hadn't happened. She had been miserable when she had been quietly, silently in love with him, but at least Bess had been happy—and this felt a thousand times worse. At least she had only been hurting herself then, and at least she hadn't known what she was missing.

The thought of not telling Bess filled Nancy with bottomless relief. If she told Ned _now_ , before things went any further, if she cut this off now and they just never, never told Bess what had happened, then everything could be okay again. She couldn't believe she had ever jeopardized her friendship with her best friends this way, because if Bess found out, George would be just as indignant on her behalf, Nancy was sure. Without them, she didn't know who she was.

And she knew, in her heart, that she couldn't keep both. She couldn't keep seeing Ned and lying to Bess and George this way. Things were so very new between them, and what if they didn't work out? What if she told Bess, and in a month or two she and Ned decided things just weren't working? She would have betrayed her two best friends and lost Ned, and she would be entirely alone.

How long could ever possibly be worth it, though? A year, two? A year or two of happiness with Ned; how could that possibly be worth a friendship Nancy had had since she was five years old? All the time, wondering if someone new would catch his eye, if he would betray Nancy the way he had betrayed Bess with her.

And she couldn't tell anyone. She couldn't talk to Bess or George about it, and Ned clearly didn't understand. He loved her, and he wanted to be with her—for now.

_I'm the one who said we couldn't be together. Not yet._

_Maybe we can never be together._

Nancy contacted Maury via email, glad that she could avoid the stress of going by the Omega house, and then she realized that every time she had gone before, she had been hoping to run into Ned. Even when she had known that seeing him was a mistake, would end in temptation, she hadn't been able to resist the lure of seeing him again.

For the rest of her undergraduate career, no matter how things ended between any of them, she would be watched. She was working to expose a major scandal that would, even if it achieved nothing else, cast a pall over the college for a long time. She would be scrutinized for the rest of her time at Emerson.

She had already considered transferring. Taking herself out of the equation entirely, removing herself from the situation, leaving Bess and George and Ned behind... leaving Bess and Ned to find each other again, to possibly find some happiness, because no matter what, Nancy's relationship with him would only end in pain, for one or all of them.

She didn't hear from Ned for an entire day, and she was glad; she knew he had an away game, and he was just as busy with schoolwork as she was. The next day, the longer her cell phone remained silent, the more relieved she was. She, Bess, and George made plans to go to the movies and dinner on Saturday, partially to get Bess's mind off the party, and even though Nancy knew that Ned wouldn't ask her to go to the party with him, since they couldn't be together in public, she was glad to have another reason to avoid the question entirely.

She was just checking her cell phone when she walked out of her late-afternoon class, and when she glanced up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she saw Ned. He was waiting for her, and when their eyes met, a smile lit up his handsome face.

Nancy felt her heart break all over again, and she clenched her fist in her pocket, steeling herself. She couldn't just give in to this. She had to be responsible, even if he wasn't, even if he didn't want to be.

Oh God, she had been so happy when he had asked her to go out with him for Valentine's Day. She had only celebrated a few with a boyfriend, and they hadn't been all that memorable: boxes of generic chocolates, a dozen plastic-wrapped roses from the grocery store. Ned was more considerate than that.

But how could she go out with him, enjoy her time with him, knowing that Bess would be miserable while she and Ned were together on the day Bess had fully expected to be with him?

Ned's smile faltered when he saw the expression on her face. "Nancy..."

Nancy shook her head, glancing around. They were near Carramore, and Nancy didn't really want anyone to see them talking, so she led Ned inside, then realized they were standing in the same stairwell they had been in when she had told him they had made a terrible mistake.

She should have listened to her own advice.

Then Ned cupped her cheek, and Nancy closed her eyes, willing herself to speak, but she couldn't. She reluctantly took a step away from him and he dropped his hand, and Nancy felt a pair of tears slip from beneath her closed lids.

_I can't. Oh, I can't._

"Nan, what's wrong."

"Everything," she whispered. "Everything's so wrong. I'm so sorry, Ned."

"Why are you sorry?" he asked, his voice tight, and Nancy forced herself to open her eyes, to look into his, and she bit back a sob. "Why?"

Nancy shook her head. "I can't do this," she whispered, wiping her wet cheeks. "She... she keeps saying... she knows she was meant to be with you..."

Ned touched her cheek again and Nancy shuddered. "I told you," he said, his voice soft but sincere. "That's over, Nan."

"And for three years—almost four years now, it wasn't," she forced out. "You changed, and she didn't, and, Ned, I just..." She shook her head. "You don't know what you want. You can't. And this, this was a mis—"

"Don't you say it," Ned said, tipping her chin up. "Are you honestly going to tell me that lie again?"

Nancy sniffled, taking another step back. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"Nancy..."

His fingers brushed hers and she blinked, sending another pair of tears down her cheeks. She sucked in a breath as she walked out of Carramore, leaving him behind.

That night, when she was getting ready to go to bed, her phone chirped. She pulled up the text message, her stomach churning.

_Tell me what to do, and I'll do it. Please. Please don't just walk away from this. I love you._

Nancy's eyes began to burn, and she shook her head, putting her phone down. She didn't know what to say.

_How can you love me?_ she had asked him.

_How can I not love you?_

It was too soon, but she had been falling for him for almost four years. She knew him. She believed he was a good person, a strong, brave man who had always been so good to them. And the accident of their meeting had meant that he had met Bess, had fallen for her, before they had met.

And she was punishing him for it. She was punishing herself for it.

But she couldn't be with him, knowing what it would do to Bess.

_He had to tell Bess it was over between them. And you have to do it too,_ she told herself. _You have to tell him it's over, and Bess will never know, and there will be someone else..._

_But not him. Never him._

Nancy cried herself to sleep that night, and by Saturday, when she was getting dressed to meet Bess and George, she still hadn't managed to find the nerve, still hadn't answered Ned's messages or texts. She had filled her time narrowing down her suspect list, talking to Hugh and Summer and Maury, and repeating it to herself over and over. She _would_ find someone else. Maybe he would never make her feel the way she had felt with Ned, but maybe that was a good thing. She couldn't imagine how much worse she would feel if they had been together and she had actually started to imagine that they had a future, just to see it taken away from her. Just the way Bess had.

She had been a fool to think they even had a chance. Judging by her track record when it came to relationships, he would dodge a bullet if she broke up with him now.

_But none of them knew. And he knows me. He_ knows _me._

While she was getting dressed Nancy went through her jewelry box looking for a necklace her father had given to her, and saw the necklace Ned had given her for Christmas. Her heart clenched and she shook her head.

They had decided to go see an action-heavy spy movie, in the hopes that it wouldn't remind Bess somehow about Ned, and then went to a Mexican restaurant afterwards. The movie was loud, violent, and predictable, but at least it kept them entertained for two hours.

They were trying to distract Bess, but Nancy was glad of it, too. She did her best not to mentally compare the handsome hero, a man of few words and quick fists, to Ned, but it took effort. She only found herself wondering if he had texted her again when the end credits began to roll, and Nancy sighed when she turned her phone's ringer back to audible again.

No new messages. She was simultaneously relieved and disappointed.

The waiter brought them a basket of chips with a bottle of salsa, and George distributed the small bowls and napkins. "Mmmm," Bess said, delighted, when she took a bite of her first chip. "Thanks, guys. I know I've probably been hard to be around, and you two have been so great."

Nancy and George shook their heads, dipping their chips into salsa.

"Seriously. I know... I know I need to let him go. It's just so hard." Bess looked down.

"But, Bess, you're a great girl. And even if he doesn't want to be with you, I know there are a hundred guys at Emerson who would love to be with you. Didn't you say Paul was pretty cute?" George asked.

Nancy couldn't help herself; she glanced between Bess and George, her eyes alight. Paul DiToma was one of Ned's fraternity brothers.

Bess shrugged. "Yeah. I just... I don't think I'll ever find a guy as good as him, you know?" She stirred her straw in her diet soda. "And it just hurts knowing that all those girls, those damn girls who always watched him like they wanted to eat him alive—tonight they're probably all cooing over him, offering to help him get over me, and..." Bess shook her head. "I can't stand the thought of anyone else being with him. Touching him. Kissing him. I want him to be miserable. I want him to be at my door when we get back tonight, begging me to take him back, telling me he made such a terrible mistake..."

"And if he's not," George said gently, "and he said he wasn't gonna be... maybe you could give this Paul guy a chance?"

All those girls watching Ned. Nancy knew they did that; she had been at the parties, she had seen their gazes. Maybe Bess hated the idea, but Nancy hated it more. With minimal effort, Ned could have a gorgeous, willing woman in his bed tonight. At least one.

It shouldn't hurt her the way it did, and she knew that. If Nancy really was going to let Ned go, he would be able to find someone else immediately. And she wouldn't be able to begrudge it or say anything. It would kill Bess to see him with someone else, but at least she would be able to talk about it. Nancy wouldn't. She would never be able to tell them how much it hurt.

After they finished their meal at the Mexican restaurant, they still didn't want to head back to the dorms, so Bess suggested that they go to a chain restaurant with really spectacular desserts. They ordered a chocolate chip cookie skillet with ice cream and a slice of mile-high chocolate cake with raspberry drizzle and white chocolate shavings, and between the three of them they demolished the two desserts, making plans to watch old movies and make nachos and prepackaged chocolate chip cookies and generally drown their sorrows on Valentine's Day.

"Thanks, you guys," Bess said as they were pulling on their coats and scarves, hugging Nancy and then George. "I love you."

"Love you too," Nancy said, hugging Bess in return. "Now feel better, okay? Did you hear back about that drama thing?"

Nancy had encouraged Bess to check with the drama department and see what they were doing, just so she would have something to fill up her time, to distract her from just perpetually thinking about Ned. She had even brought her one of the flyers she had seen around campus. After all, if she wasn't hanging around at Ned's practices or games, Nancy was hoping it would get her interested in class again, at doing something with her time other than just pining away.

Bess shrugged. "They have an opening in costuming," she admitted.

"Well, that sounds _perfect!"_ Nancy said. "Honestly, how could they possibly find someone who could be more awesome at costuming?"

Bess smiled. "I think I'm going to head over there Monday and check it out. You know, see if it seems interesting."

They wished Nancy a good night when they dropped her off, and as soon as she was out of their sight, Nancy frowned, her gaze a million miles away as she went up to her room. Lydia was out—possibly even at the Theta Pi party. Nancy glanced down at her outfit; she wore a long-sleeved purple t-shirt and skinny jeans, and her grey hooded sweater.

_I know that when you wear your grey sweater hoodie thing it means you're feeling sad._

Nancy closed her eyes, frowning, and reached for her phone. Her heart was beating quickly, unpleasantly so. _We need to talk._

Ned's response arrived quickly. _Your room?_

Nancy didn't look at her bed. She couldn't do this in her room, knowing how they had been together there. _Yours, if that's ok?_

She waited for him to tell her that he needed a few minutes, but he responded immediately that it was okay, he would be waiting for her. Nancy put on another coat of lipgloss and made sure her keys were in her purse before she began the brisk walk across campus, to Greek Row.

_Make it a clean break. Quick. Don't look at him, don't let him touch you._

The party was still in full swing over at the Theta Pi house. The windows blazed with light and the house fairly throbbed with a steady bass line. Nancy glanced over at it, then at the Omega Chi house. She took a deep breath before she knocked, and Paul answered the door.

"Hi," Nancy said, a little hesitantly. "I'm just, uh, here to see Maury..."

"Hi Nan. He should be right upstairs," Paul said with a smile. "Um... how's your friend Bess doing?"

So Paul _was_ interested in her, Nancy was happy to see. "She's... she's been better. But I can tell her you were asking after her, if you want."

"Oh..." Paul ducked his head, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't know. I mean, if it comes up or something."

Nancy heard laughter from the kitchen: the distinct booming sound of Howie's laugh, and Mike's voice, too. Then Ned came out of the kitchen, and his gaze met Nancy's.

"Hi."

Nancy swallowed. "Hi," she said softly.

She could feel that Paul was looking back and forth between the two of them, but she couldn't help it. "I just... came by to see Maury," she told Ned, and he quirked his lips up a little at the excuse.

"I'll take you up."

Once they had gone around the first bend in the staircase, Ned reached for Nancy's hand and squeezed it. They didn't even bother going by Maury's room. Ned led her straight to his, guiding her inside before he closed and locked the door behind them. His laptop was open, three of his schoolbooks piled nearby. He wore a dark long-sleeved shirt, jeans, and sneakers, and he didn't look like he had just been at the party, or like he had just kicked some slutty co-ed out of his bed. But then, she'd never know.

Ned caught her glancing at his bed and squeezed her hand again. "You okay?" he said softly. "You're still upset."

Nancy released his hand and crossed her arms, looking down at her sweater. "Did you go to the party?" she asked softly.

Ned sat down at the foot of his bed. "For a little while. Had to put in an appearance, but I spent the whole time wishing you were there. Then some girls started hitting on me and I called it a night."

"Oh?" She knew she had to get to the point, but now that she was standing in front of him, she found it impossible.

"Yeah. The old 'look, I tied a knot in this cherry stem with my tongue' gag was getting old."

Nancy couldn't help herself; she chuckled a little. "But I thought that was a perfectly acceptable party trick," she murmured.

"Maybe if you want to try it," he teased her back, and she finally looked up at him. "Can we please stop bullshitting each other? Just tell me what's wrong so I can fix it."

Nancy frowned, leaning against the wall beside his door. "You can't fix it," she said softly.

"But I can try."

Nancy shook her head slowly, feeling miserable as her eyes pricked with tears again. "We can't be together," she whispered.

"You told me that before."

Nancy gasped in her breath, angrily wiping away her tears, and when Ned stood, reaching up to cup her face, she let out a soft cry. She didn't want him to touch her; she would never be able to get through this if he did. She didn't want him to be nice to her. Oh God, she couldn't do this.

"I'm not easy to be with," she said softly, and she couldn't look at him, she couldn't. Then he made a soft noise and she glanced up at him, and when their gazes met, she couldn't bring herself to look away. "I know I'm not. I get incredibly single-minded and when I'm working on a case I don't want to do anything else. And nice guys... I'm not good with nice guys. I break their hearts. And then I date guys who don't give a fuck about me so I can break my own heart."

"I know," Ned said softly.

"And you... it's too soon, this is too soon, Ned. Not just for her, but for _you_. You can't just suddenly be in love with me—"

"I told you," he said softly, and stroked her cheek. "I was with her..."

"You said. And you... you say you love me, that you loved me... the whole time... and how will I ever believe that? That you're with me, truly with me, when you were with her, like that, all the time lying to her..."

Ned shook his head. "First off, I didn't lie. I didn't. I did love her. I do love her. Bess is an incredibly special girl, and any guy would be so lucky to have her. I'm a little jealous of the next guy who gets to be with her, to be honest. A little." He brushed a lock of hair back from Nancy's tear-streaked, crumpled face.

"I regret... I regret so much not telling you how I felt about you when we met. I do regret that. But I honestly, truly believed that you didn't feel that way about me, that you never would. And Bess is a great girl, and being with her... she is a great girlfriend, and I was able to spend time with both of you, and for a while, that was enough.

"Is that what's upsetting you? Do you want me to promise you that I will love you the rest of our lives? Because I will, Nancy. I always have. The only difference is that I was finally able to tell you. I will love you forever." Nancy blinked another pair of tears down her cheeks, sucking in a swift breath, as he continued. "There is no one in the world like you. There is no one else for me."

He brushed the tears from her wet face as she sniffled. "But I'm planning on going to law school," she whispered. "And if I do that, if I get a job at a firm and I'm working every second I'm not sleeping, and you decide that you want a woman who can be home to get dinner on the table and listen to your day and..."

Ned closed his eyes, then opened them again as she trailed off. "I want _you_ ," he said, his voice firm.

Nancy made a small frustrated sound. "But don't you see, you wanted _her_..."

"I wanted the _idea_ of her," Ned corrected her. "A woman who would be devoted to me, who would build her life around me... and then I discovered that wasn't truly what I wanted at all. I know this will sound... I don't know. I don't know how it will sound. Incredibly cheesy, or stupid, or ridiculous. But, Nan... the only way I can explain it is to say that from the first time I ever looked at you, I _knew_ there was no one else, that there never could be. Everything I learned about you only made me believe that even more. I love _you_ , Nancy Drew. And if you spend eighteen hours at work and spend the other six sleeping beside me, if we both go to grad school and study together, if we're _together_ , that's what I want.

"But if that's not what _you_ want... Nan, I want to travel. I want to see places I've never seen before. I want to study abroad and go skydiving and climb a mountain. I'd love to do those things with you. But I also don't want your life to revolve around me, and I don't want my life to revolve around you, either. I don't want to spend every single second of every single day smothering you. But I also want to be a part of your life. I want to share it, not _become_ it.

"Is that what you were worried about?"

"Part of it," Nancy admitted. 

"And what else?" he asked, guiding her over to the bed, and she sat down beside him, wiping her cheeks with the cuffs of her sweater.

"When Bess and George find out about us..." Nancy looked down, her voice breaking off in a sob. "They won't be friends with me anymore."

Ned touched her cheek again, then wrapped his arms around her, and she gave herself over to it, her breath catching in hard sobs as she cried. She held him and he stroked her back, making soft comforting sounds. His lips brushed her temple and she tried desperately to get herself under control, but it was hard.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and she made a faint sound as she wiped her cheeks with her cuffs again. Ned reached over and handed her a tissue, and she took it gratefully. Her nose was running, her eyes swimming, and once she was feeling almost okay again, she looked up at him.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I wish I could do something. Is there anything...?"

Nancy shook her head. "No," she said softly. "The longer I go without telling her, the worse it will be when she finds out." She closed her eyes. "But if we... if we just..."

Her lips were shaking, and Ned touched her chin, guiding her head back up. She couldn't open her eyes, though, not for a long moment, and she couldn't say it, either.

"If we what," he said softly.

Nancy's face crumpled. "Please," she whispered, and her voice was pure agony. "Ned, I can't hurt her, I can't."

His eyes widened, and she could tell when he realized what she wasn't saying. "Nancy," he said, his voice hoarse.

"She—both of them will hate me and it will tear me apart," she said, her voice breaking. "And I'll deserve it. Or I can walk away from this..."

And Ned wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight to him, as though he literally would not let her leave him. "You don't love me," he said.

She buried her face against his shoulder and cried out, trembling. "I _do_ ," she sobbed. "I do, Ned, I love you so much, but I can't do this..."

"Please," Ned whispered, and his voice broke. "Nancy, please, please, just calm down. Don't do this. Please don't walk away from me. Please. I love you so much and I just can't lose you..."

When she remembered Bess saying the same words, Nancy just cried harder. There was no easy way out. No easy way out at all. Either way, she was breaking her own heart, no matter who she ended up hurting.

"Please," Ned whispered again, and when she felt his lips brush against hers, she whimpered. She was sure this was a mistake, but she was equally sure that she couldn't resist the temptation.

She tipped her face up to kiss him back, the salt of her tears on her lips, and when he bore her down to the bed, his arms still tight around her, she gave in. His kiss was desperate, so deep it sent a trembling straight between her thighs, and she buried her hand in his hair, still hiccuping a little from her sobs as she returned it.

She was wrapped around him. His hips were snug between her thighs.

She was flushed and panting when he finally pulled back. "I—I'm sorry," he murmured, gazing down at her. "I just... Nancy, please. Please. I'll do anything. Please don't walk away from this."

Nancy blinked up at him. "Either I hurt you or I hurt them," she whispered.

Ned shook his head. "But Bess will find someone else," he told her, searching her eyes. "She'll find that guy she was meant to be with, Nan. I know she will. But this? _You_ are who I was meant to be with. _You_ are. I have no doubt about that." He brushed a wet strand of hair from her cheek, then brought his gaze from her lips to her eyes. "Do you?"

Nancy shook her head slowly, her eyes filling again. "No," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I don't doubt it. And that's why this hurts so much."

He frowned. "I wish I could do something," he told her. "Do you want me to talk to her?"

Nancy considered it for a moment. She tried to imagine how she would feel if Ned came to her and told her that he had fallen in love with someone else after they had been together for so long—and if that person was one of her best friends. "No," Nancy whispered. "No. Please don't. I'll... I'll find a way."

Ned shifted so he could let her up, and she slowly pushed herself up. "Nancy, I'm so sorry," he said, reaching for her, cupping her cheek. "I am. I hate seeing you like this."

Nancy shook her head, looking down as she took a long breath. "I hate feeling this way," she whispered. "I feel so awful, Ned. I feel so fucking awful. When I'm with you... I love you so much and I want to tell everyone, I want to talk about it... and I can't. I've never... I've never felt this way about anyone and I can't even tell my best friends. I'm sorry." She shook her head. "But I do love you. I just... I never thought it would be like this."

"I understand," he said softly.

She went to the restroom to bathe her flushed face and swollen eyes, and when she returned to his room, she looked marginally better. His room was warm, and she slipped off her grey sweater, draping it over his desk chair.

"You didn't bring any clothes," he said softly.

She shook her head, giving him a small, crooked smile. "I didn't expect to stay over," she told him. "I came over here telling myself that I had to break things off with you."

Ned held her gaze for a moment before he stood and drew her into his arms. "I... thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for not doing that. I understand how upset you feel, but... let me be here for you, okay? If we're together... I know, I _know_ she won't be immediately happy about it. But she and George have been your friends for so long, you were friends a long time before you met me, and eventually..."

"Yeah," she told him, forcing a smile, trying to tell herself that what he was saying could possibly be true, that somehow they would forgive her for this. "You're right."

Ned searched her eyes, then kissed her cheek. "Stay with me tonight, okay?"

Nancy's stomach flipped when she glanced at his bed. They had been together in his room before, but not since they had told each other how they felt. "Okay," she agreed, ducking her head. "Can I... can I tell you how sorry I am? It's just... I wish things were different."

"I know, Nan. It's okay. Just... please don't push me out, okay? Please."

She nodded again. "I won't," she told him.

Then she reached for his fly.

She still wasn't ready to have sex with him, not yet—her head was still pounding a little, and she still felt like she was on the verge of tears—but she knew she had hurt him, and she wanted to do something nice for him. His gaze was on her face as she backed him to the bed, and he sat down after she had opened his fly. When she sank to her knees, Ned's eyebrows went up.

"You want to...?"

She nodded slowly. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I'm... I'm not ready for us to have sex yet, but..."

Ned chuckled quietly. "Uh, this is sex. If this is going where I think it is."

She helped him push his pants down, then reached for his underwear, pulling them down too. He glanced at the door to make sure it was locked before he pulled his shirt off, and from her knees she gazed at him. The overhead light was still on, and she hadn't seen him fully naked before.

He was so handsome. She let her gaze travel down his body, over his well-defined chest, his sculpted abs, the powerful muscles of his thighs and biceps, the length and girth of his cock. He was fully aroused, and remembering his comment about the cherry stems earlier, she was pretty sure he was going to appreciate the benefit of her prior experience.

Whenever she had given Steve head, he had always wanted her not to use a condom. She had used flavored condoms with him, and that, at least, had made the experience a little bit better, but she had also known he was seeing other people, and she didn't want to have unprotected sex with him, even if it was oral.

"I've been told before that this doesn't really count as sex," she told Ned, raising an eyebrow at him.

Ned paused. "I look at it this way," he told her. "If it's something I wouldn't want you to be doing with another guy, it counts."

"So, what we did in my bed the other night?"

"Was sex," he answered, taking a breath. "I've got condoms. Any particular kind?"

Nancy considered for a second. "Are you clean?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I am. You?"

She nodded. After she had decided to stop seeing Colin, she had been tested, just for her own peace of mind; she had always, always used condoms with Colin and every other man she had slept with, but she hadn't wanted to risk it.

She gently ran the backs of her fingers up the underside of his shaft, and she watched him quiver a little in response. "Want to try it without?"

"Without—without a condom?" he asked, like he couldn't believe what she was saying.

"Yeah. I've never... I thought we could try."

He swallowed, and she saw his adam's apple bob. "If you want," he said, and his voice was just a little strangled.

Men were interesting, when she was doing this, she had found. The first time she had ever gone down on a guy, it had been awkward as hell, and she had hated the taste of the plain condom. The next guy had buried his fingers in her hair and basically forced her down, and she hadn't enjoyed that. Still, it made her feel powerful, knowing that what she was doing was giving her partner such pleasure that he often practically passed out after. It was a good compromise when she didn't want to have sex, because after she gave them head, the guys didn't pester her for more.

She was curious about what Ned would taste like, though.

Instead of just immediately taking him in her mouth, she slipped onto the bed, kissing him softly, his tongue slipping into her mouth. She nuzzled her way down, trailed kisses down his throat, his adam's apple, his collarbone. He leaned back, and she remembered how attentive he had been when he had suckled against her, so she brushed kisses over his nipples, his abs. She nuzzled against the saddle of flesh at his thighs, then flicked the tip of her tongue over his balls, and he moaned, his hand coming down to rest against her head. She sighed silently, waiting for him to force her down, but he didn't.

She moved onto her knees and licked the tip of his cock, and found him already just a little slick, his precum salty on her tongue. She kissed and licked her way down the underside of his shaft, then all the way back up again, reaching between his thighs to fondle his balls, and his hand just rested on her hair.

Then she moved to fully take him in her mouth, and Ned was panting as she began to suck his cock in earnest. She caressed and teased his balls, stroking her tongue against his sensitive flesh, bobbing up and down, and Ned moaned in pleasure, his breathing labored. "Holy shit, Nan, that is so good... oh God, you are soooo good," he told her, shuddering when she took him even deeper. "Oh God, yeah. _Fuck_. That is so good."

He warned her when he was about to come, and she kept bobbing up and down, drawing it out for him, until she sensed his urgency was at its peak. She pulled back, swiping her tongue over the head of his cock one last time before she took him in her hand, and she only had to pump him a few times before he came, panting under her.

She looked down at him, and his eyes were closed, an expression of pure sated bliss on his face. "Oh my God, that was so good," he murmured, his eyes still closed. "Baby—Nan. Yeah, that definitely counts as sex." He finally opened his eyes. "Because I _definitely_ wouldn't want you to do that with any other guy."

She gave him a small smile. "I never have," she told him. "Not—not without a condom."

"Me either," he admitted, bringing his hand up. "Shit. Oh, God. That was so good. Do you want a drink or anything? Let me get you a shirt or something to sleep in."

She gratefully accepted the soda he found her in his mini-fridge, admiring the muscular lines of his naked body as she swished a sip of the drink around in her mouth, rinsing away the taste of him, the lingering salty tang of his precum. He found one of his old worn t-shirts for her and she smiled at him in thanks, standing up and toeing out of her shoes.

"Here," he told her softly, reaching for her drink and putting it on his desk before he drew her to him, giving her a long, deep kiss. He cupped her hips, then trailed his fingers under the back of her shirt, against the small of her back, the indentation of her spine.

"Your turn."

"My—turn?"

Ned nodded, tugging at the hem of her shirt before she obediently raised her arms, letting him pull it over her head. She wore a black bra trimmed in black lace and a pair of black cotton panties, and when he saw her bra he hummed in pleasure, reaching behind her to unhook it.

"Your turn. I'll return the favor."

Nancy flushed a little. "No, that's okay."

"What do you mean?"

She crossed her arms and Ned moved back a little, gazing up at her face as he slipped her bra down. She let it fall to the carpet, reluctantly. "I just... you really don't have to."

"Sure I do."

She shook her head. "I'm sure you don't like it, and... it's okay."

"I do like it," he told her. "Depending on the girl. Do you not want me to go down on you?"

She sighed and sat down on his bed. "It's just... I feel so self-conscious, and the only other time I—well, I just... I don't know. It wasn't good for me, and I could tell he didn't want to do it, not really, so..." She shrugged.

"Well, this time will be different," he told her. "Because I want to. You just made me feel totally amazing and I want to be able to do that for you too. But I don't want to do it if you won't be comfortable. Do you want to just try, and if you don't like it, we'll stop?"

She hesitated, but she didn't sense that Ned was just offering out of pity, and so she slowly nodded. "Okay," she said softly.

Ned turned on his bedside lamp, clicking off the overhead, then returned to her, slipping his arms around her, taking his time as he slowly unfastened her jeans and pushed them down, slowly slipped her panties off. He laid her down in his bed and she was fully exposed to him, and he to her.

He kissed her lips, then began to work his way down, over her neck, her collarbone. He cupped his palm over the join of her thighs as he suckled against her breasts, alternating hard and soft, rapid and gentle, until she was grinding against his hand, moaning softly. She opened her legs a little more, a small frisson of anxiety trembling over her belly when she worried that he would be disgusted at the way she tasted, the way she looked, how wet she was...

He was idly running his fingertips against the slit of her sex, brushing against her tender inner lips, lightly teasing her clit. He came back up and kissed her again, hard, and she whimpered when he rubbed his thumb against the swelled button of her clit, as he teased her opening with his fingertips.

"Mmmm," she moaned, opening her legs wider as he nuzzled his way down, kissing her belly button, her abs, her inner thighs.

Then he parted her, licking the tip of her clit, and she shuddered, a flush rising in her cheeks. He ran his tongue firmly against her clit, then sucked it into his mouth.

Nancy shuddered, turning her face into his pillow, and she could smell his shampoo and the masculine scent of him lingering there as he suckled her clit. She sobbed, bringing her hand up to squeeze her nipple in time with the strokes of his tongue, and when he slipped two fingers up into her sex, working them inside her as he sucked her clit, she bucked, crying out.

"Oh my _God_ ," she whimpered, and when he licked his way down, plunging his tongue up into her sex as he circled her clit with his thumb, she trembled, closing her eyes. He kept that up until she was circling her hips, panting desperately, and then he moved back up, sucking her clit into his mouth again as he plunged three fingers up into her sex.

" _Ned_ ," she cried out, then turned her face into his pillow as she screamed in pleasure. "Oh _fuck yes_ oh my God so good so _good oh God_ ," she babbled, her eyes rolling back as she came, amazed that he actually had his face buried between her thighs, that what he was doing felt so _fucking_ good, oh God it felt so good.

Finally he pulled back, planting a kiss against her lower belly before he raised his head. "So, Miss Drew," he said softly. "You seemed to like that."

She nodded slowly, bringing her hand up to run it through his hair. "Fuck," she sighed, her legs still sprawled open, the flesh between slick with his saliva and her arousal, still pulsing faintly with the aftershocks of her orgasm. "Oh my God, that was so good."

He smiled at her. "See? Wasn't so bad."

"Wasn't so bad," she repeated, shaking her head. She lazily watched him find her panties and the shirt he had found for her, and she tugged the clothes on. He picked up her drink and took a long sip, and when she raised an eyebrow, he handed it to her. She took another sip of the drink, then handed it back to him.

Ned slipped back into bed with her, and though they had easily twice as much space as they'd had in her bed, they still gravitated to each other, his leg sliding between hers. She nestled against him and he cupped her cheek, stroking it softly.

"I love you," he whispered.

Nancy closed her eyes. "I love you too," she whispered.

"Forever, Nan. Forever. Never doubt that."

She reached up to cup his cheek, then brushed her lips in the softest kiss against his. "I've never had forever," she whispered. "Show me what it's like."


	8. Chapter 8

"Good morning, gorgeous."

Nancy stretched, shivering a little when the covers slipped down and she brushed against the cooler part of the sheet, then turned and nuzzled into her boyfriend after he had slipped back into bed, her eyes still closed. "Morning," she whispered, a smile on her face. "Handsome."

Her boyfriend. God. While she had slept none of it had come back; she had been okay. Her anxiety lingered at the fringes of her consciousness, but she dismissed it, wrapping her arm around him, relishing the warmth of his body against hers.

"I have to leave in a little while to get to the gym," he told her, kissing her cheek, then her neck, his large, warm hand cupping her hip. "But do you want to see if you still like what we did last night?"

Nancy shivered again, giggling as she shifted onto her back, as he pushed up the hem of her shirt to nuzzle against her belly. "Well, if it's in the pursuit of scientific inquiry," she teased him, threading her fingers through his hair. "But you'd better be careful or I'll get used to this."

"Whatever keeps you in my bed," he murmured against her skin.

He had just started to slip her panties down her hips when Nancy's cell phone rang, and for a terrible instant she froze. Bess. Bess had somehow found out, Nancy was certain of it—

She reached for the phone and saw Lydia's name on the screen.

Nancy relaxed marginally. "Hello?"

"Nancy! Are you all right?"

Ned was making a face at her as he drew back, but when he heard the alarm in Lydia's voice, he pulled Nancy's shirt back down, his expression interested. "I'm okay," Nancy said, glancing up at Ned as she pushed her hair out of her face. "What's going on?"

"I came back to get another pair of jeans this morning and our fucking room was trashed, and I got freaked out because I didn't know if you were here and they, like, fucking kidnapped you or something—"

Nancy sat up. "You're okay, though? Did you call campus security?"

"I'm okay. The room is a total wreck. And I wanted to call you before I reported you missing."

"Call them. I'll be right over."

Lydia paused for a beat. "Uh, do you have your laptop with you? Because the power cord's on your desk but your computer's gone..."

"Oh shit. Really?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. Let me call the cops."

Nancy punched the end-call button and scrambled out of Ned's bed, reaching for her jeans and hastily pulling them on. "Rain check?" she asked him with a smile.

"Sure. What's up?"

She told him quickly, as she found her bra and pulled her long-sleeved t-shirt back on. They stopped by the bathroom and brushed their teeth together, and Nancy dashed to Maury's room, knocking on it briskly.

"Maury! I'm so sorry, are you up?"

They heard a faint crash from behind his door, and thirty seconds later Maury was blinking at them, his hair a mess, in a wrinkled undershirt and boxers. "Nancy?"

"They stole my laptop!"

Maury grinned. "Awesome."

"I'm sorry, _what_?" Ned asked, as the three of them went to Maury's computer.

"Maury put this anti-theft program on my computer," Nancy explained. "When they start trying to guess my password, my laptop will send him a sort of distress signal so we can find it. Right?"

Maury nodded, clicking through a few windows. "And the password was changed on the hotmail account last night," he said, running his fingers through his hair. Afterward, it stuck up in even crazier directions. "The program's been running all night to crack the new one."

Nancy closed her eyes. They had narrowed down Nancy's suspect list, through the process of elimination, to four athletes who seemed to have the most to lose from Nancy's investigation, whether that meant a sterling reputation, endorsements, a pro contract, or something else.

"So, assuming the guys who tried to break into your room earlier are the ones who did this..."

"They'll try to see what's on my laptop and we'll have them." Nancy was almost hopping with excitement.

Maury pulled up another screen. "Okay! We're in," he announced, going to the home screen.

"Anything?"

The three of them frantically scanned the screen. "No new messages," Ned murmured. "Maybe sent?"

"Drafts," Maury said, his voice flat. "Shit. Look."

They had managed to log on at the same time that the owner of the account was using it, and Maury was able to pull up a partial draft still in the autosave. He took a screen capture of what they had, then held his breath as he refreshed the screen.

The draft was gone. The email had been sent or canceled.

He pulled up the screen capture and Ned's fingers wrapped around Nancy's as they all leaned forward to read it. Her heart was already racing with excitement at being so close to finding out who was behind the attacks, and she shot Ned a delighted grin, one he immediately returned.

_Got her computer. Nothing else in her room. Will contact you if there's any evidence on it._

Ned pointed at the two addresses listed in the To field. "Shit. Neither one of them are emerson-dot-edu addresses," he mumbled.

"But..." Maury cracked his knuckles, pulling up a new browser window. "That may not hurt us too much."

Two minutes later, Nancy, Ned, and Maury were staring in shock at the computer screen. Maury had traced one email address back to Andy Jenkins, an alum of Emerson who had a number of moderate endorsements and a promising career.

The other, though...

Nancy kept her gaze locked to the screen as she reached for her phone, breathing shallowly as she pulled up Dean Jarvis's home phone number. When he answered, Nancy made a soft, incredulous sound.

"I have something you need to see," she told him, her voice hushed as she considered how much it was safe to say over the phone. "Can you possibly meet me on campus this afternoon?"

After they hung up, Ned touched Nancy's hand, and her eyes were still wide when she looked over at him. "I can't believe this."

"I know." Nancy felt a little bittersweet. She hadn't believed Dean Jarvis would be involved, and she was definitely glad he hadn't been implicated, but still. After the confrontations, the case would be over.

The other email account, from what Maury had found, belonged to Elwood Kino, a very well-respected dean in the records department. He had been with the college for the right time period, but Maury and Ned definitely hadn't wanted to believe he could be involved.

Ned squeezed Nancy's hand again. "Are you going to stay over here until your meeting? I don't want anything to happen to you."

Nancy shook her head, loosely pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "The room is still trashed, and I need to go start cleaning up and talk to the cops. See if they took anything else."

Ned frowned, glancing at his watch. "I'll walk you over there."

Maury was pointedly looking at his computer screen. "So, you know that algorithm I was talking about?" he said casually.

"Yeah," Ned replied, a note of curiosity in his voice.

"You two had the highest index I've seen yet."

Nancy glanced over at Ned as they walked out of the Omega house a few minutes later. "What was that about?"

"Maury's working on a dating website, building the matching part," Ned mumbled, then chuckled. "Uh, he... pretty much guessed that we were seeing each other. But he'll be cool about it."

"That's good." Nancy wanted to take Ned's hand, but she knew she couldn't, not while they were in public; it was dangerous enough for them to be walking together. "Ned, seriously, I'll be fine. I know you need to go."

"It'll just take a minute," he said. "Besides, if I'm a few minutes late, it's not going to kill anyone."

The room was indeed a wreck. Two campus security officers were interviewing Lydia when Nancy and Ned arrived, and when they gestured that they would be with Nancy in a minute, Ned reached for Nancy's hand, pulling her into the hall.

"I'm so glad it'll be over this afternoon," he told her, holding her close, briefly. She could tell from the expression on his face that he wanted to kiss her, and she couldn't wait until they were alone again, so she could collect on her rain check. "I've been so worried about you."

She smiled at him. "And when the next case comes along?" she asked lightly.

"Then I'll hope to God that you won't have assholes threatening to kill you." He very quickly kissed her cheek. "Please be careful. I'll call you when I'm done, but let me know how things go with the dean this afternoon."

Bess called to ask if Nancy wanted to grab lunch, but between cleaning up her room, coordinating with the police and Maury to get her laptop back—which she did, late that afternoon, and she was incredibly grateful—and meeting with Dean Jarvis, she didn't have the time. She felt guilty when she declined, but even moreso when she thought about Ned again. Maury had forwarded the evidence to Ned and a few other people he trusted just in case anyone came after his computer, but when Nancy met with Dean Jarvis, neither of the suspects had made any further moves.

Dean Jarvis was visibly shocked when Nancy handed over the screenshot of the email draft, and Maury explained what he had discovered based on the recipients' email addresses. She had kept Jarvis abreast of her investigation the whole time, and while he hadn't liked that she had even needed to look into the accusations, he understood the importance of resolving the issue so the college could get past the allegations.

"I can't believe that," he said quietly. "Elwood... he's been with the college for a long time."

Nancy shook her head. "I can't imagine that this was done out of any sort of malicious intent," she said, trying to reassure him.

Maury nodded, shoving his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Not on Kino's part, anyway. Jenkins, though..."

"I am inclined to believe that Jenkins is responsible for the attacks on me," Nancy said, her voice quiet but firm. "I found a few photos of him with men who look very similar to the men who came to my room and attacked me. And—and Ned."

Nancy couldn't help the impulse to hesitate whenever she mentioned Ned's name, even in connection with her case. She was perpetually afraid that someone would mention seeing Ned with her and Bess would find out, although she couldn't imagine that Bess and Dean Jarvis often met for a midafternoon snack and gossip session.

"This is very serious evidence," Jarvis said, sitting back and pinching the bridge of his nose. Nancy wasn't accustomed to seeing him in jeans and a sweater, but she did appreciate the fact that they had this kind of relationship, one that allowed her to meet with him on the weekend, to have his personal phone number. "Nancy, Maury, thank you for bringing this to my attention. I may need to ask for your testimony in a private session, but given the threat against your life, I'm assuming you'll be taking that to the authorities?"

"The campus police already have that information on file," Nancy confirmed. "And yes. That, and I might need to coordinate with housing to make my room more secure, just in case something like this happens again."

"I do sincerely apologize for that," Jarvis said. He shook his head. "It would probably be facetious of me to suggest that you buy a house and surround it with a shark-supplied moat and trained attack dogs if you're going to keep up your investigations, wouldn't it."

"As long as you don't suggest it to my father; he might consider it," she told Jarvis with a smile.

That night, with very little cajoling, Ned was able to convince Nancy to come over, and as a treat she picked up take-out Chinese for them. She had some homework to finish up, since the conclusion of her case had eaten most of her day and her date with Bess and George had taken up most of Saturday, so Ned watched TV and idly massaged her feet while Nancy worked on a report. She kept finding the fine trace of fingerprint dust on her palms from her recovered laptop and from cleaning her trashed room, and the letdown she always felt after the conclusion of a case, combined with the utterly glorious foot massage, was making it impossible to concentrate.

Finally Nancy finished the last sentence and put her computer to the side, and Ned glanced over at her, giving her a smile. "Done?"

She nodded, slumping down to his bed. "Mmmmm. I can't remember the last time anyone gave me a foot massage."

"That's the whole reason I'm on the basketball team. The sweet massage therapy."

Nancy chuckled, pushing her hair back. "God, I can't believe it's over. I wonder what else Hugh and Summer have been working on..."

Ned moved beside her, on his side, and kissed her cheek. "As long as you make me a deal, gorgeous," he said softly.

She opened her eyes and glanced over at him. "Oh?"

"I know we can't have our Valentine's Day dinner in Emersonville, so I have a treat in mind... but I'll have to drive you out there. And I was wondering... if you would be okay with us staying over that night."

"So we'd be coming back Thursday morning?"

He nodded. "I'll get us back in time for class. That okay?"

Nancy nodded, gazing into his eyes, bringing her hand up to idly run her fingers through his hair as she smiled. "Sounds perfect," she murmured. "I can't wait."

He pressed his lips to hers, softly. "Me either," he whispered. "I love you, Nan."

"I love you too," she whispered, and when he rolled onto her, she draped one leg around his waist, losing herself in their kiss.

\--

On Tuesday, Nancy glanced down at her cell phone, and her heart sank when she read the message again.

_Making a list of movies for tomorrow! Suggestions?_

She had told Bess and George that she would be spending Valentine's Day night with them, but that was when she had been resolved to break things off with Ned. Now that they were back together—when they were alone, anyway—he had made reservations, and she still hadn't figured out how to tell Bess and George.

_Just say it. You're going on a date with Ned. Just say it._

Nancy flushed, panicking at the thought. No. In the back of her mind she had begun hoping that Bess's tentative, burgeoning flirtation with Paul would lead somewhere, and once Bess fell for him—or, if she didn't, someone else—she could casually broach the topic. Ned's deadline for taking their relationship public was more than a month away, and she was hopeful.

It would hurt no matter when she said it, but at least if Bess had in some way moved on, maybe it wouldn't hurt quite so much.

She hated the idea of lying to them, but she couldn't really see a way around it. She took a deep breath and placed the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey Nan. What's up?" George answered.

"Uh... about tomorrow..."

"Oh no. Holy hell, Nan, did you actually get a date?"

Nancy had considered saying that she and Colin were getting back together that night, but she could just see that backfiring, if one of them saw Colin and mentioned their plans. "Kind of," she hedged. "I got set up on a blind date."

"Really? On _Valentine's Day_? That sounds like a lot of pressure," George commented.

"I know. And I'd really rather be hanging out with you guys," Nancy said, crossing her fingers. "You think... maybe we could postpone? Movies and nachos and cookie dough Thursday or Friday night instead?"

"I'll check with Bess, but I'm sure she'd rather you be there, too. After all, you actually _listen_ when she reads aloud from _Cosmo_ ," George pointed out. "I'll let you know."

"Thanks. I owe you one," Nancy said, and when she hung up the phone, she sighed.

Another night of pretending everything was fine. Another night of everything being normal.

A part of her still wanted to think that Ned could be right, that Bess wouldn't treat Nancy and Ned's relationship as a betrayal. She couldn't quite bring herself to believe it, though. And she would tell Bess, and she would apologize from the bottom of her heart, but she couldn't give Ned up.

Nancy had never, never thought she would ever have to make this kind of choice. Her relationship with Bess and George had always been more important than whatever guy she had been seeing, always. If Bess called her while she was on a date, she took the call. If George needed her to do something, she was there. And they were there for her, too, always. If she needed their help on cases, they were there to help her. Bess and George were the best friends she could ever have asked for.

But Nancy's relationship with Ned was beyond anything she had ever imagined. He was everything she had ever wanted, and when he had told her that she was _the one_ for him, she had known exactly what he meant. Since they had met, a part of her had known the same thing, and she had wasted so much time, so much energy, so many tears trying to deny it.

She had finally found the man she would break all the rules to be with. For so long, the men she had dated had just been idle distractions, or at least the ones who hadn't felt like she was punishing herself for her long infatuation with her best friend's boyfriend had been. She had never been _in love_ , not like this. And, as he had told her, in that low, seductive whisper in the dark, if she said she couldn't hurt someone she loved, she deserved to be counted among that number.

She didn't want to think about it, didn't want to imagine a future yet, but with Ned, she wouldn't just be happy. She could be _loved_. She could be with a man who loved her, who deserved her love, who would spend the rest of their lives making sure she knew it.

And she didn't want to hurt him anymore. She never wanted to hurt him again, never wanted to see that panic in his eyes, that desperation, because she knew how it felt. She felt it too.

He was worth it. _They_ were worth it.

And Ned wanted their relationship to be public. He wanted to be able to hold her hand, brush a kiss against her cheek, eat a meal with her in public without their having to look over their shoulders in fear the whole time.

She would do that for him. She would. She just needed one more evening of hanging out with her two best friends before she told them the truth, before everything changed.

That night George confirmed that they were on for Friday night, and Nancy stayed up late finishing her homework, getting a jump on Wednesday night's assignments as well, so she wouldn't be distracted while she was out with Ned. Lydia came in groaning about thirty minutes after Nancy had given up on her work for the night. Her roommate let her backpack slide down her arm, slumping with another groan to her bed.

"Long day?" Nancy asked.

"Ugh," Lydia groaned. " _Ugh._ I have four papers due in the next three days. How does this _always_ happen?"

Nancy shook her head sympathetically. "Don't know. It sucks, though."

Lydia nodded, pushing her hair out of her face as she dragged herself to her feet. "I think I'm gonna go take a really long, hot shower. If I'm not back here in an hour... well, just leave me."

Nancy chuckled as Lydia gathered her toiletries and towel and headed for the door. "Man, that's such a great dress," she said, nodding at the garment hanging from Nancy's closet door.

"Thanks," Nancy said, looking at it as Lydia stepped out. She was hoping Ned liked it, and she hadn't been able to ask Bess's opinion of it; even with the excuse of the blind date, she still couldn't bring herself to ask Bess to help her pick out an outfit when she would be seeing Bess's ex-boyfriend.

Nancy's phone rang five minutes later, and Nancy smiled when she saw the name on the screen. "Hi handsome," she said, sitting down on her bed.

"Hi beautiful," Ned replied, and the low pitch of his voice sent a shiver down Nancy's spine. "How are you doing?"

"Great. How did it go?"

"It went great," he said. "Everything's ready for tomorrow. You're sure you don't want me to pick you up at your dorm?"

"I'm sure," Nancy said with a soft sigh. She did want Ned to pick her up on campus, but she didn't want to risk it. "Anything I need to bring?"

"Other than clothes to wear, nope, sweetheart. I have everything else taken care of." He made his voice a little softer. "I know things have been hard for you, Nan... and thank you. I've been looking forward to this for a long time, and I can't wait to take you out and treat you the way I always wanted to."

Nancy ducked her head, a pleased blush rising to her cheeks. "Have I told you lately how incredibly sweet you are?" she murmured.

"Not lately," he said, a smile in his voice.

"Well, you are," she said, leaning back so her head was on the pillow. "You are an amazingly sweet, drop-dead handsome, incredible man. And I can't believe you're in love with me."

"And you," he returned, his voice still deliciously husky, "are a scorchingly hot, sweet, and thoroughly beautiful woman, and I can't believe you're in love with me."

"I'll just have to remind you of all the reasons tomorrow night," she murmured.

Nancy's preparations on Wednesday night took longer than she wanted, and she rushed to meet Ned where they had agreed on time. When she reached for the passenger door handle of his car, the nervous butterflies in her stomach began to riot.

Ned wore a black suit and tie with a white shirt, and he looked incredibly handsome. He gave her a warm smile as she carefully slid into the seat, arranging her skirt so it wouldn't be wrinkled on their trip, and moved to put her small overnight bag in the backseat.

"Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart."

"Happy Valentine's Day," Nancy replied, reaching up to cup his cheek, and she gave him a long, soft kiss before she released him. He planted another soft kiss on her mouth before they pulled back, grinning at each other, and Nancy felt warm and happy in his presence. She wasn't going to feel guilty about this, not tonight.

He had told her that the drive would take about an hour, and on their way west, they talked about their classes, Hugh's suggestion-slash-plea that Nancy consider doing some investigative reporting for the newspaper, and the call Nancy had received from Dean Jarvis that afternoon. Nancy already had a good relationship with the campus police, or at least a familiarity with them, and Hugh was looking into a rumor he had heard about a gambling ring on campus, and car burglaries on the west side of campus as well. Nancy found all the prospects exhilarating, but Jarvis's call had been exciting too.

"Kino lawyered up. Dean Jarvis isn't too happy about that, but considering the implications of the charges, it's understandable. And that's off the record."

"Of course it is," Ned said, glancing over. "And the charges about the threats on your life?"

"Considering we caught them red-handed—and took _pictures_ —it'll be hard for them to get out of that. Unless they flip for some sort of plea bargain."

"Taking those pictures really was incredibly smart of you. And dangerous, but really smart."

Nancy smiled at Ned. "It was a risk," she murmured. "But I'm glad it paid off."

"And I'm glad you're okay. I think tonight I'll just have to check all those wounds and bruises, make sure you're healing nicely..."

"I hope I can pass inspection," she flirted back, a smile curving her lips. "Are you going to kiss me and make it better?"

"That is exactly what you deserve, sexy."

Then Ned brought up their spring break, coming up at the end of March, and suggested that they could find somewhere to go together. His deadline would be up by then, and their relationship public; there was no reason they couldn't take a long weekend or a vacation somewhere. They wouldn't need to lie or be secretive about it, the way she'd had to do about their date tonight.

The thought made Nancy feel a little guilty again, but more excited. She had always loved traveling with him as a member of their group, and now they could—if he wanted, and she couldn't imagine that he wouldn't—stay in the same hotel room, the same bed, and track down clues together, and she wouldn't have to remind herself not to stare at him, not to let her fingertips linger against his skin when they touched. She could wake up in his arms, could let his heartbeat lull her to sleep after they made love.

And thinking about _that_ sent another frisson of anticipation over her belly. They hadn't yet had _sex_ , beyond the teasings of fingers and mouths, but maybe tonight...

The restaurant was small, brick, with green and white striped awnings. After he parked the car, Ned actually came around to Nancy's side to open her door for her and offer her his arm, and she gave him a grateful, appreciative smile as she took it. Her black stilettos, she was finding, were still a little tricky to navigate, and she was glad for the help.

The hostess showed them to their table, offering to take Nancy's coat, and when she slipped it off, Ned, who was standing behind her, pulling out her chair for her, made a soft sound. She turned and saw that his gaze was dark with desire already.

The dress was a deep red matte jersey, ruched to cling to her curves. The gown was open halfway down the back, with small cap sleeves and a square neckline, and a rather daring slit up the side fell to reveal a creamy knee as Nancy settled into her chair. She had styled her hair so it framed her face in shining red-gold curls, and she wore a pair of small diamond studs her father had given her. She had wanted to wear the necklace Ned had given her, but it hadn't really gone with the dress.

"You like it?" Nancy asked, aware that she sounded a little anxious, but she was unable to stop herself.

"Baby—Nancy, you look so, so gorgeous, and sexy as hell," Ned told her as he sat down. "I am the luckiest guy in the world, to have you as my date tonight."

Nancy had thought she was immune to such compliments, and with most men, she was. When he said them, though, she melted a little.

"And I'm so very lucky to have you as mine," Nancy told him, reaching across the table to squeeze his hand.

The restaurant was sumptuously appointed, and decorated for Valentine's Day with red roses on each table. Their server told them about the specials, including a meal for two, which sounded perfect to both of them. Ned opted for the steak and Nancy the salmon, with a calamari starter and a slice of lemon cream cake to finish. She knew Ned had a fake ID, but he didn't pull it out to order them a bottle of wine, and that was okay with Nancy. She wanted to have a clear head, and remember tonight. Even if they just fell asleep in each other's arms, Nancy still knew it would be the best Valentine's Day she had ever celebrated, since it was the first she would be celebrating with someone she cared about this much.

They didn't have to worry that anyone around them would see them and realize they were together. As far as everyone else in the restaurant was concerned, they were just a normal couple out for dinner. When their server said she was glad they were celebrating Valentine's Day at the restaurant and smiled at them both, Nancy's stomach flipped a little. Nervousness and happiness were steadily eroding her appetite, but she ate a few pieces of the delicious, perfectly prepared calamari, and her salmon entree was so amazing that she couldn't have stopped eating it if she had wanted to.

"You've really outdone yourself," Nancy told Ned when she sat back, as he swallowed the last bite of their shared dessert. "This is our first _real_ date, and... wow. I can't wait to see what happens on the second one."

Ned smiled at her, and she felt his foot gently bump hers under the table. She had taken off her stilettos, and she nudged him back in return. "Glad I could impress you, Drew," he said, his voice low and amused. "But remember, this is _Valentine's Day_. For the rest of the year it'll all be Chinese takeout and delivery pizza."

She wrinkled her nose at his teasing, but leaned forward anyway. "Do you honestly think that would disappoint me," she said softly. "As long as you're with me, it will be perfect."

Ned smiled as he searched her sparkling eyes. "I don't care where we are or what we're doing, either," he told her. "Just as long as I'm with you."

As they went out to Ned's car together, Nancy's stomach flipped a little, and she squeezed his hand before he opened her door for her. She was being ridiculous. She hadn't been a virgin since she was sixteen, but she was feeling almost shy around him.

He had put his _mouth_ between her legs, for God's sake. It wasn't like they had so much left to be all that nervous about; he had seen her naked, brought her to orgasm already.

But she still felt nervous. She wanted their first real night together to be special; with every other man, she had only been interested in having a good time, in distracting herself from her loneliness. She had only ever had sex.

She didn't want to _just_ have sex with him.

She had only driven through this part of the state a few times, but the countryside was absolutely gorgeous, with rolling hills. She saw signs advertising ski lodges, and wished they had more time, maybe a long weekend; she loved the idea of skiing with him, then coming back to a snug little cabin, cuddling under a quilt in front of a roaring fire, and letting him warm her back up.

When she mentioned that, Ned reached over and took her hand. "That sounds great," he told her. "I'd love to do that."

He pulled into the parking lot for a small cluster of vacation rentals, then in front of the cabin at the end. Through the evergreens she could see the banks of the river. She reached for her door handle, then remembered, and let him open her door for her. He even carried her bag inside for her, and she smiled to herself; she couldn't remember the last time a guy had been so sweet or considerate with her.

The cabin was lovely. The door opened into the den, which boasted a large flat-panel television set and a nice movie selection. The walls were light pine, but the ceilings were high enough and the furnishings modern enough to keep it from feeling claustrophobic. As Ned took her bag to the main bedroom, Nancy slipped out of her stilettos, carrying them as she looked at the small kitchen, the breakfast nook, the second bedroom with its twin beds. A small screened balcony looked out at the river.

On the coffee table in front of the couch, Nancy caught sight of a vase, and she smiled when she saw the flowers waiting for her. Pink roses and lilies, artfully arranged with a few white roses and baby's breath. When Ned came back into the den, he smiled at her.

"I wanted to give you something, but I didn't know how you felt about me giving it to you at the restaurant, so I thought I'd wait," he said. He took her hand and they sat down together on the couch, and she couldn't look away from him.

The necklace and the ring he had given her, he hadn't been able to give to her himself, so she had never seen him when he was giving her a gift. His brief smile was nervous, and she was charmed by it. He actually cared what she thought about it, when he had already given her an amazing evening, the flowers, and paid for a night in the cabin together. She was already happy, and yet he had felt the need to give her something else.

And, for a second, she panicked a little. She had seen the way Bess reacted when Ned gave her gifts: squealing, bubbling over with loud, obvious joy and happiness. Nancy didn't have that kind of personality, and she didn't want him to be disappointed. She knew whatever he had picked out for her would be lovely, but his nervousness just gave her a little pause.

But she had tried to be as truthful with him as she could, and she didn't want to fake an over-the-top reaction just because it might make him feel better.

He handed her a small box wrapped in red paper with a white ribbon, and she tore back the paper to reveal black velvet. She glanced up at him, then back at the box again.

Inside she found a gold ring with an intricate, finely woven band, a deep blue sapphire set into it.

"It's an eternity knot," he said softly. "And I know your birthstone is a diamond, but your eyes have always reminded me of sapphires, and I looked it up; sapphire used to be a birthstone for your month."

Nancy slipped the ring onto her finger, then looked up at Ned. Her eyes were swimming. "It's beautiful," she told him. "And it fits so well..."

"I might have bribed Lydia to look in your jewelry box and tell me what size ring you wore," he said, searching her gaze. "Do you like it?"

She nodded twice, reaching up to draw his face down to hers, and gave him a long, sweet kiss. "I love it," she whispered against his lips, then opened her eyes. "I love it. Thank you so much."

Ned smiled at her, then gave her another kiss. "It's not as beautiful as you," he whispered. "But I'm so glad you like it. I have some champagne in the refrigerator too, if you want some..."

He swiped his thumb gently under her eye, wiping away the tears that had slipped down onto her cheek. She smiled up at him.

"Champagne, the ring, the flowers... you really are spoiling me."

Ned shook his head, and she closed her eyes when he kissed her again. "This is how I've always wanted to treat you," he murmured. "This is what you deserve, Nan, this and so much more."

His dark eyes were so incredibly sweet and sincere when she looked into them, and for a second she was speechless. She had never allowed anyone so close to her; the boys who had fawned over, she had never really let herself believe. She had brushed off their compliments as veiled, clumsy attempts at seduction, as sentiments that she couldn't return. But she didn't doubt Ned, and the evening he had planned for her just made her believe it even more.

And she wanted to give him everything, everything she could, everything she was. She wanted to show him that she felt the same way about him.

Nancy took a deep breath, then kissed him one last time. "Why don't I slip into something a little more comfortable while you get the champagne," she told him.

The master bedroom was small, but it had a great view of the river and its own small fireplace. Nancy slipped out of her dress and washed her face, brushed her teeth, then took out the nightgown she had brought. When she had tried it on at the store, she had briefly imagined wearing it for him; she could hardly believe that her vision had actually come true. She slipped into the thong and babydoll gown, ran her palms along her smooth legs, and glanced down at the ring before she returned to the den.

Ned had taken off his suit jacket and tie, and unfastened the first few buttons of his shirt; she thought he looked incredibly sexy, and when he handed her the flute of champagne, she didn't miss the obvious interest in his gaze as he looked at her outfit. The lace over her breasts was partially translucent, and her nipples were already hard-tipped in anticipation.

It wasn't the first time she had tasted champagne, but the sensation was still new, and the liquid was fizzy and light. They each took long sips, and then she raised her flute, meeting his gaze. 

"I love you," she told him. "I love you so much. I never even dreamed it could be like this, and I'm... Ned, I've never wanted anything so much in my whole life. The ring, everything, _everything_ you've given me... it all means so much to me, but you, having you in my life, finally being able to hold you the way I've always wanted, to spend time with you, to love you..."

She trailed off, her eyes swimming again, and Ned cupped her cheek, his dark eyes tender. "I love you too," he whispered. "You asked me for forever, Nan, but I didn't know what forever was until I met you. And I could never, I _have_ never, loved anyone the way I love you."

Nancy smiled at him, drawing in a soft breath as he wiped the tears from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. They finished off their champagne, and when Ned put his flute down on the coffee table, Nancy did as well, her heart clenching as he turned to her again.

"You look so incredibly gorgeous," he told her, holding her gaze as he idly drew his fingertips over her shoulder.

"You have always looked so handsome," she murmured. "But especially tonight."

When his gaze lingered on her lips, a shiver went down her spine, and then he leaned down and she tipped her head up, her eyes fluttering shut as he kissed her. He slipped one arm around her waist, moving his other hand to cover her breast, to stroke her nipple through the fabric, in firm, deliberate swipes, and she flushed with delight. Their kiss began sweet but quickly became hungry, desperate, and she ran her fingers through his hair, the taste of champagne on their tongues.

She actually felt a little lightheaded when he reached down and picked her up, and she was flushed warm as she wrapped her legs around his waist, clinging to his shoulders. She teased him, kissing his jaw, his neck, his earlobe, as he carried her to the bedroom, then closed the door behind them. His lips found hers again and she was shivering inside, so hard. He carried her to the bed, leaning down so she was on her back, still wrapped around him, and when she began to unbutton the rest of his shirt, desperate to feel his skin against hers, he moved back to give her room, reaching for his own fly.

They kept kissing as he kicked off his shoes, as she pulled his shirt off, and when she pulled up his undershirt, he moved back so he could take the rest of his clothes off. Nancy relaxed to the mattress, her legs still parted, watching him as he stripped his clothes off, turned off the overhead light, then turned on the bedside lamp.

"Come here," she whispered, reaching for him, and at the sight of him, already aroused and ready for her, she felt the join of her thighs warm in anticipation.

He obeyed her, moving back onto the mattress, his hips between her thighs, and she wrapped herself around him, running her fingers through his hair as he kissed her again. Everywhere their skin touched, she felt so incredibly hypersensitive that her entire body seemed to tighten. He slipped one warm palm down and cupped her hip, his hand moving under her gown so he could lightly trail his fingertips up her side, and when she shivered again, Ned broke their kiss, nipped at her a few times, then began to work his way down. He kissed the lowest point of the neckline of her gown, just above her cleavage, then pushed the chiffon skirt of her babydoll up to bare her belly. He kissed her sides, her belly button, and she let her legs fall open, her breath coming out in a long quiet sigh as he flirted with the edges of her thong. He kissed her through the whisper-thin fabric, his breath hot against her tender flesh, and she arched, her eyes closing.

She couldn't remember the last time foreplay had done this to her—and then she did. Him, always him. Just touching him, just seeing the look in his eyes, made her speechless with wonder and desire.

He moved back up without slipping her panties off, but when he grasped her hips, rolling over with her so she was straddling him, she wasn't surprised, although she did feel just a little disappointed. So many of the men she had been with preferred her on top, doing everything while they were able to just relax and watch. If that was what he wanted, though, she didn't mind so much. She leaned down and kissed him as he gathered her gown in his hands and began to pull it up, and when the elastic just below the bodice caught against her nipples, she moaned against his mouth, the join of her thighs pressed against the underside of his cock.

They parted so he could pull the gown over her head, and Nancy ran her hand through her hair, looking down at him. He gently stroked his palms down her sides and she warmed when he caught the sides of her thong in his fingers, then cupped her bare hips and ass.

"So beautiful," he murmured. "You're so beautiful, baby."

She gave him a slow shy smile in answer, as he gently stroked her. Slowly she pushed herself up onto her knees, and when he began to peel her thong down, she closed her eyes. She had splurged and managed to find time to get a bikini wax, and when he gently ran his fingertips over the trim line of curls between her thighs, she swallowed, willing her speeding heart to slow.

She had to keep telling herself that it might take some time for them to learn each other, that it might not be perfect the first few times they made love. Even if it wasn't amazing for her, though, she wanted to make it amazing for him. 

She wasn't used to feeling that way. Usually when she went to bed with a guy, she knew he would take care of his own pleasure, and she tried to take care of her own. But she wanted to please him, and maybe she could actually trust him to try to please her too.

Nancy swung off him to slide her thong down, but Ned rolled over, his hands still on her hips as he took it over, slipping her underwear down her legs himself. She gazed up at him when he returned to her, both of them totally naked, and he cupped the join of her thighs, his thumb gently brushing the top of her slit.

"What do you want to do tonight, sweetheart?" he whispered. "I can..."

She was flushing, sensitive and ready to come out of her skin when he kissed his way down her chest, drawing a circle with the tip of his tongue around the firm tip of each breast before he suckled, still fondling her sex with gentle teasing brushes of his fingers. She opened her legs wide and felt him smile against her belly as he nuzzled against her navel, and she gently drew her hand through his hair, arching when he parted her sex and kissed her firm clit.

She wanted more, but she had to admit, she did absolutely love how she felt when he went down on her. She had never slept with anyone who had been willing to do something that was so throughly just for _her_ pleasure, not his, not theirs, and not just as a halfhearted thanks for a blowjob.

And he took it slower this time, kissing and licking and suckling, lashing her with his tongue whenever she began to pant and moan. " _Mmmmmm_ ," she hummed, arching again, her fingers buried in his hair as she focused only on him, on how amazing what he was doing felt. He slipped two fingers into the slick hollow of her sex and she drew her knees up, her hips trembling a little as he swiped his tongue hard over her clit, and she stifled a sob.

He moved back, rubbing his thumb over her clit as he looked at her. "You can be loud," he told her. "That's why we have our own place. And I think it's sexy, if you want to..."

Nancy had always felt self-conscious about any noises she made during sex, and most of the time, when she'd had sex in dorm rooms or hotel rooms or small cluttered bedrooms, she had always stifled herself, and it was hard to lose that control.

He circled her clit with his thumb and she sobbed again, a little louder this time. "Oh God, that feels so good," she moaned, rocking her hips. "Oh _God_..."

He slowed the stroke of his thumb, and she had to work to focus on his face. The pleasure she felt was tightening in her belly, deep in her core, and she felt desperate, and horny as hell.

"Do you... Nan..."

She shuddered, and it was more than the low simmer of her rising climax. She had never spoken the words she was about to say to anyone, but from the expression on his face, the intensity in his dark eyes, she thought that he wanted it too.

"Make love to me," she whispered.

Ned's handsome face was almost solemn when he searched her eyes, and then he released her. She watched him stroke the slick trace of her arousal from his fingers onto his cock, his left hand slipping between her legs to fondle her again as he leaned over to open the drawer in the bedside table. He grabbed one of the foil packets from the drawer and tossed it onto the bed, then returned to her, ducking between her thighs to lick her clit one last time before he pushed up, moving over her.

"Like this?" he murmured.

She let out a soft, pleading cry. "Please," she whispered, reaching up to grab his shoulder, rocking her hips against his touch again. "Please. I want to feel you inside me..."

She was shaking as he reached for the condom wrapper, ripping it open and rolling the condom onto his cock, and when he moved back over her she gazed up at him, her breathing shallow, her heart pounding.

"I love you so much," he told her, his gaze locked to hers as he gently teased the slick hot opening of her sex with his fingertips. "I have loved you for so long, baby. And you are all I want, forever."

His ring was still on her finger as she stroked his hair, and she arched when she felt the tip of his cock brush the join of her thighs. "I love you too, so much," she whispered, and she was trembling.

She had never held a man's gaze while they had sex, but Ned kept his dark, intense gaze locked to hers, and she could see the pleasure on his face, the way his lips parted when he first moved the tip of his cock inside her. When he moved into her with a short, firm thrust, she gasped, her nails digging into his shoulder, and he made his next thrust just a little gentler.

"Okay?"

"Mmmm," she replied, shifting the angle of her hips, and when she wrapped her legs around his waist, he made a pleased sound, pulling back to push into her again. "Oh, God, you're so big..."

"And you're so tight. Is it hurting?"

She shook her head, running her fingers through his hair again, her other hand against his shoulder blades. "Not—not really."

He made his next thrust more gentle, more deliberate, and she bucked, a prickly flush rising in her cheeks. "Ohhh," she moaned. "Oh yes, oh God. Deeper, Ned, _please_..."

He smiled at her as he obeyed, and when she slipped her hand off his back and began to move it between them to stroke her clit, Ned made a soft sound.

"Here," he whispered, and he supported his weight on his arm as he reached between them, his thumb finding and brushing her clit.

Nancy sucked in a swift breath, trembling as he moved inside her with a deeper thrust, still stroking her clit. "Oh God, oh God, oh my God, yes," she sobbed, her brow knitting. She drew her nails up his back and he surged inside her, and the expression on his face was so intense.

"Like this?"

She nodded desperately, tightening her legs around him at the shallowest point of his next thrust, drawing him back to her. "Oh _Ned_ , oh my God it feels soooo _good_ ," she sobbed.

"Hell yes it does," he murmured, pushing deeper inside her, and she cried out when he flicked her clit a little harder. "God, Nan, you feel so good. So hot and tight and wet..."

At his next thrust he was buried fully inside her and she cried out again, shuddering as he thumbed her clit. He stayed motionless as she bucked against him, the length and girth of him stretching her inner flesh, and she dug her nails into his shoulder, panting desperately.

"Okay?"

"Mmmm, _fuck_ ," she swore, drawing her legs further up to angle her hips, and her eyes rolled back. "Oh holy _fuck_."

"So, yes, then," Ned murmured, his voice warm, and he moved to press his forehead lightly to hers as he pulled back, then thrust into her again.

She sobbed, circling her hips, seeking him as he began to set up his rhythm, his thumb still stroking and teasing her clit, circling it and then rubbing hard against the tip. She tipped her chin up and kissed him, tasting her arousal on his lips and tongue, and he growled as he nipped at her, driving into her in another hard thrust.

"Too much?" he whispered against her lips after they broke the kiss.

"Always," she panted, moaning as she arched under him. "But I'll never have enough of you."

He pulled back, moving onto his other elbow, and began to stroke her clit with his other thumb as he drove into her again. "Look at me, sweetheart," he murmured, and her lashes fluttered up, her lips parted as she sobbed at the pleasure of their lovemaking. "My beautiful girl."

"Oh my God," she cried out, shuddering as he stroked her again. She didn't come in this position, not unless she was rubbing her clit or her partner was, and her orgasm was so tantalizingly close that she couldn't stop shaking. "Oh God don't stop don't stop oh _God_ oh my _God, oh so good_..."

"Are you close?"

"Yes," she whimpered, digging her nails into him again, and she cried out at his next thrust. She was so wet that she could hear him driving into her, could hear her arousal against the condom as he moved inside her again. His next stroke against her clit, at the deepest part of his next thrust, made her almost scream, and she writhed under him, sobbing, letting herself finally lose control as his next thrust brought her to orgasm.

Ned groaned as he drove into her, as she bucked and trembled under him, sobbing out his name. " _Fuck_ , oh God, so good, baby," he murmured, and the pleasure on his face made her inner flesh clench hard around his hard cock. He made a desperate sound as he drove into her one last time, and she wrapped herself around him when he collapsed to her, their hearts beating wildly as he reached his own climax.

They stayed like that, her face against his shoulder as they panted their breath back, both totally sated. She wasn't sure that she had ever had so intense an orgasm, at least not when she hadn't been helping things along—or fantasizing about him at the time.

But she loved it. She loved the feel of his weight against her, the feel of his pulse and the rapid rise and fall of his breath, the smell of his cologne and soap and sweat, the way he nuzzled against her temple. He didn't just immediately roll off her and dispose of the condom, like her purpose was finished. She reached up and stroked his cheek, his shoulder, and ignored her inner thighs when they protested at the unaccustomed exertion. If she wanted to hold her boyfriend, she was going to hold him until he let her go, for once.

Ned moved so he could brush his lips against hers, and she made a soft sound as she ran her fingers through his hair, her lips parting under his. She tasted herself on his tongue, and that made her clench a little around him again.

He kissed her cheek, her earlobe. "You're incredible," he murmured, his voice a low, sexy growl that made her shiver.

"That was all you," she told him, slipping her legs down. "Holy fuck, Ned... no one has ever treated me that way in bed. Never."

"So you liked it?"

He moved back so he could gaze into her eyes, and she licked her lips, swallowing against her dry throat as she considered. "There is no word for how much I enjoyed that," she told him. "God. It's never..."

She looked away, and Ned waited for her to continue, then brought his lips down to brush against her other earlobe. "What," he murmured into her ear, before he kissed the soft flesh beneath it.

"It's never been like this for me," she said softly. "Never. I've never let myself love anyone the way I love you." She drew her fingers through his hair again. "I know this sounds foolish, but I think... maybe all this time I've just been waiting for you. And when I knew I couldn't have you, going to bed with a guy didn't seem to matter as much, because I was never going to have the person I really wanted."

"But you do, now," he told her, gazing into her eyes again. "And now that I have you, Nan, I never plan on letting you go."

"And I never want to let you go, either." She let her gaze drift to his mouth. "I... I'm going to tell them. This weekend."

He didn't even have to ask what she was talking about. "Do you want me there?"

Nancy shook her head, wincing a little at how sensitive she still felt as he slipped out of her. "I think it'll be better if it's just me," she told him.

He vanished into the master bath, returning with a washcloth after he flushed the condom. Her legs were still sprawled open, and she blinked up at him as he wiped her thighs for her, then took the washcloth back to the bathroom. She was so accustomed to having to do it herself that she was touched by it, and when he returned to the bed she wrapped her arms around him, cuddling against him. He let out a soft pleased sigh as he hugged her in return, then pulled the covers up over their naked bodies.

"You are so amazingly sweet," she murmured into his chest.

"Well, I was hoping for drop-dead handsome, sexy as hell, hung like a stallion..." Ned joked, stroking her hair.

"You are those things," she told him, and when his knee nudged hers, she moved so he could slip his leg between her thighs. "But I love you because you are just a genuinely _good_ person, Ned. Your killer smile and massive cock and breathtaking abs are just a bonus."

He laughed as he stroked his thumb down her cheek. "And you are so incredibly sexy, and beautiful, and those miles of gorgeous leg on you?" He gave an appreciative sigh. "All those things pale in comparison to the woman underneath, and you have no idea how damned lucky I feel that you're with me right now."

"I think I might," she smiled.

"So... I was okay?"

She pulled back to look into his eyes, chuckling. "You were amazing," she assured him again. "You aren't usually this... insecure?"

Ned ducked his head, his lips twisting up a little. "I just... I haven't been with that many women, and I wanted to make sure it was good for you."

"It definitely was," she told him, kissing his cheek. "Out of curiosity, though...?"

"Three," he told her. "Two before... Bess. And now you make four."

"And the two... before?"

He shrugged. "Didn't last long," he said, then gave a small self-deprecating snort. "Uh, figuratively or literally."

She chuckled and stroked her fingers through his hair. "Well, since we're volunteering this kind of thing...?" Ned raised his eyebrow, and she sighed. "Uh, six. Before you. And now I feel like a horrible person."

Ned shrugged, tipping her chin up so he could meet her downcast eyes. "Like you said... they were practice."

"And now the practice is over," she told him. "Because I... I never want to let you go either." She swallowed. "I want to give you forever too."

\--

"Did I ever tell you thank you for the flowers?"

"I think you did," Ned said, pouring some shampoo into his cupped palm, and he gave her a small, mock-lascivious grin. "But I wouldn't mind you thanking me again."

The two of them were in the shower Thursday morning, and although Nancy was pretty sure it was a bad idea for them to be naked around each other when they were on a tight schedule, she couldn't help it. They had slept naked in each other's arms, and sometime in the night, she had no idea when, she had blinked awake and they had moved together, making love again. She had felt like she was in some blissful dream, straddling his hips as he kissed her, his fingertips trailing up and down her spine, and then she had found another condom in the bedside table, ripped open the packet and slipped it on him with a few flicks of her wrist, before she had mounted him.

And God, oh God, she had loved having him on top of her, but when she had slipped down onto his cock, taking him hilt-deep, and he had been able to caress her breasts, to roughly fondle her nipples before slipping his hand down to stroke her clit... God, she had been almost delirious at the pleasure, reaching behind her to support her weight as she rode him, and when he suddenly moved under her, angling his hips so he could turn on the bedside lamp, she had cried out at the shift in the angle of his cock, flushing as she tossed her hair out of her face.

"Holy shit," Ned murmured as he sank back to the bed, watching her, his gaze lingering on her breasts, the groomed join of her thighs. "Is it okay if I watch?"

"Please do," she panted, tipping back again to ride him, and she knew guys loved to watch themselves as they penetrated her, for whatever reason, but with him, the rapturous, delighted expression on his face made her flush a little in pleasure. She felt incredibly sexy, instead of self-conscious, and every time he groaned her name, gasped out how amazing she was, she clenched weakly around him. They had come at practically the same time, his hips jerking up to meet hers as she ground against him, and she had cried out loudly when he kept fondling her clit, driving her climax even higher. Then she had collapsed to him, breathless, unable to move or think.

And they had both needed a shower, after all.

She just didn't want to let him go just yet. She couldn't wait until the weekend, the next weekend they could spend together, wrapped around each other in his bed at Omega Chi, learning each other all over again.

"Well, if we had some more time, I'd thank you properly," she told him, reaching up to lather shampoo in her hair, smirking as his gaze immediately dropped to her quivering breasts. "And thanking you for that gorgeous ring... well, I think that will take a night all by itself."

Ned grinned at the thought. "I was lucky," he admitted. "Found it at an antique store."

"You must go to a lot of antique stores."

He shrugged, moving around her so he could rinse his hair. "Not really. Mom does."

The expression on his face had changed a little, but they were already running a little behind schedule, so she let it drop, and told herself that next time, they would just have to make a weekend of it—she really wished they'd had time to have sex in the shower. They hastily packed and went out to Ned's car, and when they were on the highway, he drove a little faster than normal. She was the one who would be tardy to class if they were late, after all; his didn't start until an hour after hers.

"So does that mean your mom found the ring?"

The corner of Ned's lips came up as he glanced into the rearview mirror. "Well, she helped me find it," he admitted.

The next question was a little harder for her to speak. "Does she know... about...?"

Nancy had met Ned's mother a few times, and she had always seemed like a warm, intelligent woman. Nancy hated the idea that his mother might think she had broken up Ned's relationship with Bess, especially since Edith had always been so fond of the girl.

Bess was probably the exact daughter-in-law Edith had always wanted, Nancy thought dismally. She had been utterly devoted to Ned, and still was. Nancy, on the other hand, had managed to get Ned into dangerous, life-threatening situations almost more times than she could count or remember. And that had been before they were even in a relationship.

Ned smiled a little. "She was pretty sure when she helped me find the ring," he told her.

Ned told Nancy that, after she had given him the record the previous Christmas, he had listened to it in the den at his parents' house, delighted by the present, and his mother had asked who had given it to him. When Ned had told her the truth, Edith had tilted her head.

"She told me that wasn't good," he admitted. "She said I had to be careful, to not give you the wrong idea, and I laughed it off. Told her there was no way anything was going to happen, because you weren't into me at all. And she... she didn't believe me. But then she knew I had a crush on you, that I had for a while.

"And then I found the poison ring and she asked me who I was going to give it to, and when I told her... she knew. I don't... I didn't tell her that I'd kissed you, but she asked if I knew what I was doing, and... anyway.

"My dad knows the guy who owns the Cove—where we were last night—and when I asked him to help me get the cabin, he mentioned it to Mom, and she knew Bess and I had broken up, and she asked me who I was taking there... and I told her that you and I had started seeing each other. And I wanted to find something unique to give you."

Nancy swallowed hard, looking down at the ring. She desperately wanted to ask Ned how his mother felt about her, especially since she had basically warned Ned about seeing Nancy; she just as desperately didn't want to know.

"And when I told her how happy I've been since you and I started seeing each other... she was happy for me, Nan. I've always told her about all the cases we've been on, and how amazing you were, and at Christmas, when I showed her the pin you gave me, she told me that I was wrong, that you did like me. I kept telling myself that I was just imagining it, but she said she had no doubt about it. You weren't just being nice to me. She said you wouldn't give me a present like that the way you did, if it didn't mean anything."

Nancy blushed slightly. Edith had apparently figured things out before Nancy had.

"She told me I should probably take some time, but... I just couldn't. Once I thought I had a chance, when I saw the way you looked at me... I couldn't wait. And I'm so glad."

Nancy smiled a little. "So... she knows you and I were together last night."

"I guess."

Nancy ran her hand through her hair. "Well," she said softly.

"Sweetheart, seriously, she loves you. She will love you."

Nancy made a soft noise as Ned glanced over at her. "Maybe if I wasn't this reckless girl who kept putting you in danger, who seduced her only son..."

"Is it seduction when the other participant is more than willing?" Ned asked, a half-smile on his face. "Because if that still counts, baby, feel free to seduce me anytime."

Nancy shook her head. "God," she whispered. "Maybe if you take me home to meet them I should get Hannah to help me make a cake. You know, soften the blow a little."

Ned reached for her hand. "Stop it," he told her softly. "I love you, and they will love you, because you're an amazing person. And I do plan on taking you home to meet them sometime soon." He paused. "Now, if you invite me over to your house to talk to your dad..."

"He'll love you," she said. "Because you're responsible and dependable and you've saved my life a hundred times."

"And I just seduced his baby girl."

"Who was more than willing," she murmured, echoing his words, as she squeezed his hand. "But yeah, let's not bring up the whole night in the cabin thing to my dad yet, okay?"

"Deal," he agreed, and they squeezed one more time before releasing hands. "Maybe we should just rip off the band-aid and invite them all to dinner at one time."

Despite the nervousness that Nancy felt at the prospect of officially meeting Ned's parents, especially since they were aware that they had probably slept together, she couldn't be too upset. She did intend on spending a very long time with Ned, and part of that was being introduced to his parents as his girlfriend, going to see movies and eating meals with his group of friends as his girlfriend... and, she hoped, many, many lazy Saturday mornings wrapped around each other.

_I would break every rule for this._

Maybe Bess would make a perfect daughter-in-law; Nancy was sure she still would, to someone else. But the love she saw in Ned's eyes, the love she felt for him in return, meant she could sit through a few awkward meals with their parents. The alternative was too terrifying to contemplate. Since she had him, she felt safe, content, in a way she never had before, and she couldn't imagine who she would be without him now.

But then she realized. She did know. She would be like Bess, or worse; she would spend her days crying over him, her nights trying to come up with ways to win him back.

Nancy shook her head and reached for Ned's hand again, squeezing it, and he smiled at her.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you too," she replied.

She didn't really want Ned to drop her off so close to where she lived, but since she was running late, she grudgingly agreed. Ned pulled the car to a stop in front of her dorm and she reached over to give him a brief kiss, cupping his cheek when she pulled back.

"I'll see you soon, okay, sweetheart? Tonight?"

"Tonight would be great," she said with a smile. "I'll call you, okay?"

He nodded, reaching for her, and he kissed her again. "Stay out of trouble, Detective."

"I'll try," she told him with a grin, then grabbed her bag and the flowers he had given her, and ran inside. As she pounded up the stairs, put the bouquet on her desk and dumped her bag on the floor, and grabbed her backpack, she couldn't stop smiling. Lydia commented that she must have had a good night, a twinkle in her eye, and Nancy said, with a soft laugh, that she could neither confirm nor deny.

She managed to make it to her first class of the day just in time, although it took her another ten minutes before she could focus on what the teacher was saying. She just felt happy, so happy. Soon it would be the weekend, and she would somehow have to find a way to talk to Bess and George about her relationship with Ned, but she couldn't dread it just yet. Not when the thought of seeing him that night filled her with such happiness.

She hadn't taken the ring off. As the teacher paused to switch whiteboard markers, Nancy glanced down at her left hand.

An eternity ring.

Maybe his mother had been right, and maybe it was too soon, maybe they were moving a little too fast, but if they were, well, they were. As long as they were still able to spend time together, to hold each other, to make love, she was happy to stay just where they were.

He had made love to her.

Oh God, oh God. Nancy could feel herself flushing a little with pleasure at just the mere memory.

When she walked out of class, she checked her phone, and her brow furrowed when she saw all the messages waiting. Ned had texted her to say he hoped she made it to class on time; Dean Jarvis had left her a message to call him, so she returned his call.

After the preliminaries, Dean Jarvis said, "In the course of your investigation, did you uncover the identities of other faculty members who might be involved?"

Nancy frowned. "I had a lot of suspicions but no real evidence against anyone else," she admitted. "And it could be that—he—was the only one involved," she said, mindful that she was in public and might be overheard.

"Well, he's named someone else," Jarvis told her. "Gainey."

Nancy winced. "Didn't he..."

"He passed away recently," Jarvis confirmed. "Kino's saying that Gainey instituted the policy before he was ever told about it, and he was given to understand that it was an unspoken rule. And, of course, it wasn't his fault."

They talked for a few more minutes, but Nancy was disappointed when she hung up the phone. Maybe Kino legitimately had believed that a lax grading and class policy were acceptable when it came to student athletes, but it still bespoke a massive lapse in judgement on his part, especially to continue that way after Gainey had retired.

Nancy had missed two calls from Bess while she was in class, and when Nancy saw that, her stomach flipped. Bess had texted her just two words: _Call me._

_She's just calling about Friday,_ Nancy told herself, but she still had to force herself to return Bess's call instead of just tossing her phone into her pocket and handling it later.

Bess answered on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hi," Nancy said, trying to make her voice sound natural. "I got your text; what's up?"

"George told me you had a blind date last night. Just wanted to see how it went."

"Oh. It was good," Nancy replied, wincing. She hadn't wanted to make the fictional guy she had seen the night before sound too appealing, or Bess would wonder why Nancy never went out with him again.

"That's good," Bess said. "It's just, I heard the funniest rumor—someone told me a guy dropped you off at your dorm this morning and you had flowers. And the guy driving looked a hell of a lot like Ned."


	9. Chapter 9

Nancy froze.

Distantly she knew, she could feel it; Bess just wanted her reassurance, and Nancy could lie and give it to her. _Yeah, that sure is a crazy story. No one dropped me off at my dorm this morning; I slept there alone. Who would have given me flowers?_

_Oh, yeah. It really_ was _the craziest thing—I had no idea that the blind date was with Ned!_

_Well, I ended up spending the night with him and he dropped me off—and he really did look a lot like Ned, didn't he? Strange._

But Nancy closed her eyes, hearing the hum of conversation, feeling the flow of movement around her as students streamed to their classes or toward the quad, and she wasn't a part of it, not anymore.

"Bess," Nancy whispered, her eyes pricking with tears.

_I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I never meant..._

"It wasn't true, right? Because there's no way..."

Nancy choked, staggering the last few steps to the low brick wall surrounding one of the buildings, and sank down onto it. She was flushed and she could feel a cold sweat breaking out on her face and under her coat, and she felt miserably sick.

She couldn't make herself lie, no matter how much she wanted to. She was wearing the ring he had given her the night before. She had slept with him twice the night before, seen him naked only a few hours ago. Denying that it had happened, lying about it, seemed unspeakably cruel.

And somehow _not_ lying about it felt a thousand times worse, especially when Bess drew in a sharp breath.

"Were you with Ned last night?"

The tears swimming in Nancy's eyes finally overflowed onto her cheeks. "I..." she began, but it was so hard, too hard, too damn hard. "Bess..."

And then Bess made a soft, wounded sound. "Answer me," she said, her voice shaking.

"Yes," Nancy whispered, blinking another pair of hot tears from her eyes. "But, Bess—"

Bess sobbed on the other end of the line, a loud, heartbroken sound that made Nancy bow her head. "Oh my God," she said, and Nancy could tell she was crying. "Oh my God. When you... when you were so happy... when I knew, I fucking _knew_ you were seeing someone... oh my God, Nancy! How could you do this? How could you fucking stab me in the _back_ like this?"

"I didn't—oh God, I didn't mean to," Nancy said, her voice shaking. "Bess, I swear to God I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry."

Bess was sobbing in earnest, gasping in desperate breaths, and she was almost incoherent as she said, her voice trembling with rage, "If you hadn't wanted to hurt me, you wouldn't have."

"Bess," Nancy begged, but her friend had already hung up on her.

Her friend. One of her two best friends in the entire world.

Bess was never going to forgive her. Neither would George. Not for this.

Nancy let her hand drop to her lap and looked down at her cell phone as the screen went black. She was horrified when her next breath trembled, when she had to breathe rapidly to keep herself from sobbing. She hated crying, but she hated crying in public even more.

Her next class was going to start soon. Probably already had; she couldn't focus long enough to figure out what time it was, or remember where she needed to be.

She couldn't even think about it. She couldn't. She felt so drained, heartsick and numb. God, she had been so stupid. She should never have told him it was okay to drop her off in front of her dorm—

But she looked down at the ring on her finger, the ring she still wore. It had been a Valentine's Day present. It had been sure to provoke Bess's notice, the next time Nancy would have seen her. And she was still wearing it.

Maybe she hated the idea of telling Bess about her relationship with Ned, but she hadn't been doing very much to disguise it lately.

Who had told Bess? Who had fucking told her?

Nancy sighed, running her fingers through her hair as another pair of tears slipped down her cheeks. It didn't matter. Nancy didn't care who had told Bess. It had happened and there was no taking it back.

Bess—oh God, the heartbreak in her voice—

Nancy was near the library, and she glanced up at the building, knowing she could easily hide there until she had the strength to walk back to her room. She was afraid that if she did go back to her room, though, she would just curl up in her bed and pull the covers over her and never get out of it again. She had hurt her best friend. She had known she was hurting her best friend. And she hadn't stopped.

Nancy found a crumpled tissue in her coat pocket and blotted at her eyes, trying to compose herself before she walked to the small cafe beside the library. She bought a sandwich and a bottle of water and carried them up to one of the carrels, but when she sat down, when she was unobserved and didn't have to force a smile, she felt herself crumple again.

_If you hadn't wanted to hurt me, you wouldn't have._

Nancy had been so happy that morning, even an hour earlier. Now it was all she could do to keep breathing. She put her head down and cried quietly, part of her wondering if Bess would call her back once the depth of Nancy's betrayal finally sank in.

And she could have walked away from it. Nancy remembered, miserably, the night she had gone to Omega Chi, determined to break things off with Ned, telling herself that she could avoid this nightmare.

She had ended up having sex with him instead.

Nancy took the napkin that had come with her sandwich and wiped her face, trying to breathe quietly. The sapphire in her ring caught the light and she looked down at it.

She had told herself that her relationship with Ned was worth it, and she had to believe that, even now. The price was terrible, but the damage had been done. She couldn't take it back.

And she didn't think she even would, if she could. Ned was happy with her. He loved her and she loved him, so very much. After their night together, she was only more sure that his despair when she had tried to break up with him had been justified. She couldn't imagine never spending another night with him. For the first time, she was actually letting herself be in love with a guy, instead of waiting for him to bore or leave her.

_If you had met me first..._

That was all she would change. If only she had told him when they had met... but she hadn't been able to do it. Ned had belonged to Bess.

Ned would always, in some small way, belong to Bess. Always. And Nancy would always know that she had hurt Bess this way...

Nancy tried to get herself together so she could attend her afternoon classes, but she couldn't make herself do it. She ached. And the thought of running into either Bess or George on campus, of pretending everything was okay when things between them were like this... she couldn't do it. On the way back to her room, she couldn't shake off the anxiety and sadness she felt.

Bess had every right to be angry at her, and Nancy knew she had no response at all, no defense. Every time she tried to imagine talking to Bess, trying to explain... nothing Nancy could imagine saying would soothe her. Oh God. Bess had trusted her, and while she had listened to Bess cry about Ned, Nancy had burned with guilt over their kisses, over the intoxication of his touch...

On the way back to her room she texted Ned, but she knew he had a block of classes for a few hours and probably wouldn't even see it for a while. The dorm was quiet in the middle of the day, and as she keyed into her room, she let the vague fake smile she had put on her face slip into a frown. Her bed was so tempting, but she needed to get out, needed to talk to someone...

And neither of her two best friends was an option.

Nancy was crying again as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail, then grabbed the books and outfits she would need for the weekend. She glanced at her jewelry box and remembered the necklace was inside, but she couldn't put it on. He had given it to her when he and Bess had still been together, and she didn't want to think about that.

_You stabbed me in the back._

And just as Edith had said, on some level, the record, the pin, their late-night conversations and stakeouts and little jokes with each other... she had been, consciously or not, pursuing him for the entirety of Bess's relationship with him, telling herself it didn't mean anything, that they were only good friends, that she would never act on what she felt for him. Regardless of what he said, regardless of the fact that she had fought her attraction to him, they had kissed _before_ Ned had broken up with Bess.

And she hadn't confessed it. And she hadn't wanted to stop.

She had to keep wiping her streaming eyes, but once she was in her car, on the road, she at least felt marginally better. Running away from the problem wasn't in her nature, but she needed to get away, to regroup and figure things out. She tuned the radio to a pop rock station, but the music provided little distraction from the chaos in her head.

Ned called when she was an hour outside Emersonville; she had sent him a message to call her, but she hadn't given him any details. She hadn't been able to type it out in black and white. "Nan?"

"Hey," Nancy said, and her voice was shaking almost immediately.

"Baby, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Where are you?"

The tears rose faster than she could blink them away, so Nancy pulled off at the next exit, then stopped her car in a gas station parking lot. The genuine concern in Ned's voice just made her feel worse, and for a moment she felt an intense visceral longing for his presence, for the feel of his arms around her—but she couldn't.

"Bess called me this morning," Nancy said, fighting to keep her voice at least moderately steady. "Someone... someone saw us together this morning when you dropped me off and told her."

"Oh. Oh, fuck."

"She said... she said I stabbed her in the back," Nancy said, looking down, and choked out a sob. "Oh God, Ned, I feel like the worst person in the world. She's so upset. She said—I told her that I never meant to hurt her—"

"You didn't. I know you didn't."

"But she said if I didn't want to hurt her, I wouldn't have."

"Nan, I'm so sorry," Ned said. "I'm so, so sorry. I know she's upset now, but she'll calm down."

"She won't," Nancy said, her voice rising into a cry, and she knew she was getting hysterical, but she couldn't stop herself. "She's never going to forgive me for this."

"You don't know that," Ned said, his voice soft and sure. "Baby, please, please calm down. Where are you?"

Nancy wiped her eyes. "I'm going home," she said softly. "I just need... I can't stay, I'll just be upset all weekend. I need to get away."

"You could come stay with me. Are you in your room?"

"I'm already on the road. And I can't... I can't come stay with you. Not when things are like this."

Ned paused for a beat. "I can come home this weekend."

Nancy shook her head, biting her lip. "You have a game," she murmured. "I appreciate it, but no. I just need a few days and I'll be okay."

"Nan, seriously. I can leave after classes tomorrow—"

"No," she said. "Please. I won't let you, okay?"

When he spoke next, his voice was quieter. "Nan, you're more important to me," he told her. "I hate that you're hurting like this. I just..."

She heard the hint of desperation in his voice, and she closed her eyes. "It's okay," she told him. "I'm gonna be okay. Can I get a rain check on that date we were supposed to have tonight?"

"Sure," he said, and she wasn't imagining the relief in his voice. She knew what he was afraid of. When she had been this upset before, when he had seen her like this before, she had wanted to break up with him, and he was afraid she would try it again. That maybe she would try to undo it all, forget it all, in an effort to encourage Bess to forgive her.

But they were past the point of return now. Nancy had passed it the night he had convinced her to stay with him, when he had held her and begged her to give their relationship a chance.

Nancy picked up another tissue and wiped her eyes. "There's only one thing I regret," she told him softly. "I regret so much that I... that I hurt her like this. I wish I had met you first. I wish this had never hurt her. And I think, if I didn't feel so awful right now, I might actually feel relieved, that she knows now. That we don't really have to hide anymore.

"But I will come back to you, okay? I just need a few days. I'll be back Sunday night."

Ned sighed. "Then I'll be waiting for you," he told her. "And if you change your mind, call me, and I'll be there as soon as I can."

She smiled, wiping her eyes again. "I love you."

"I love you too, Nan. Always."

Nancy pulled up in front of her father's house three hours later. Both cars were gone; her father was still at work, and Hannah was presumably out running daily errands. Nancy keyed into the quiet house and carried her duffel bag and backpack upstairs, putting them down as soon as she walked into her room. She put the flowers Ned had given her on her desk, looking down at them with a sad smile. She hated that her sadness made them feel almost tainted, now.

She and Bess and George had had so many sleepovers in her room. She remembered the sleepover when Bess had first told her about Ned, before Nancy had been able to meet him, and she had been happy for her friend. Bess deserved an amazing guy.

Bess had been with an amazing guy. And Nancy had taken him away from her.

Nancy took the few steps to the bed and sank down onto it, finally letting herself cry the way she had wanted since Bess had called her. She was alone; no one was around to hear it, to ask her what was wrong. Her sobs were terrible and left her trembling, and she curled up in the fetal position, burying her face, feeling awful.

She had known he was worth it, that this was the price she would have to pay. She just hadn't realized quite how much it would hurt.

Hannah came in later, and by then Nancy's sobs had faded to silent tears, but her head was pounding, her nose stuffed up, her eyes swollen. She was too upset to sleep, and too exhausted to make herself do anything else. "Nancy?" Hannah called from downstairs, and Nancy squeezed her eyes tight shut before she tried to think about sitting up, but gave up on it.

"Nancy?"

Nancy was facing away from her bedroom door, but she heard the knob turn, heard Hannah walk into her room. She made a soft sound and Hannah walked over to the bed, sitting down at the edge.

"Are you sick, Nan? What's wrong?"

Nancy turned onto her back, impatiently wiping at her eyes, and Hannah made a surprised sound when she saw her face. "I'll be okay," she murmured, her voice still a little wavery.

"What happened?"

"It's a long story," she whispered.

"Then come downstairs. I'll make you some tea and you can eat some cookies and tell me about it."

Nancy had grabbed her grey hooded sweater while she was packing, and she pulled it on before she bathed her tearstained face in cold water and followed Hannah downstairs. Hannah took some of her homemade spaghetti sauce out of the freezer to thaw for dinner, since Nancy was unexpectedly home, then took out a bowl and began to mix the ground meat, breadcrumbs, eggs, cheese, and herbs for meatballs. Nancy sat at the breakfast bar with a mug of tea and three cookies on a plate in front of her. Although her stomach kept growling to itself, she wasn't hungry. She was too upset to think about eating.

"So tell me the story," Hannah said, glancing up at Nancy as she mixed the meatball ingredients with her skillful fingers, rolling them and placing them on a baking sheet.

Nancy took a sip of tea, then looked down at the steaming liquid. Occasionally she had mentioned to Hannah that Bess's boyfriend really did seem to be perfect, that she wished she could find a guy as amazing, and Hannah had commiserated.

"Before Christmas break, Ned was backup on a case for me, and when I was hurt, he took me to the infirmary," she began, tracing the handle of the mug with her fingertip. She took a long breath. "He walked me back to my dorm to make sure I was okay, and then he kissed me."

Hannah's head whipped up, her hands going still.

Nancy swallowed. "The next time I saw him, I told him what had happened was a mistake, and he told me he was sorry," she said. "And I thought that was the end of it. We came home for break, and I gave him that fraternity pin I found, and he gave me... he gave me a poison ring. And they were just for us. We gave them to each other without showing anyone else. And I..." Nancy shook her head. "I told myself it didn't mean anything.

"Then, the night I went to Linda Morrow's house to confront her?"

Hannah nodded. Nancy had told her father and Hannah about the confrontation at the woman's house.

"Well, you know Ned was with me, and afterward, I walked him back to his room, and he kissed me again. And I told him... that we couldn't, that it was a mistake, that he was with Bess.

"The next day he broke up with her."

Hannah was forming the meatballs much more slowly. She was totally enrapt by what Nancy was saying.

"I told him we couldn't be together, and when he said he had been in love with me practically since the day we met, I told him I didn't feel the same way. That he needed to go back to Bess and get back together with her."

"And he believed you when you told him that?"

Nancy shook her head. "He... he didn't. And, God, Hannah, Bess was—Bess is so broken up over him. She can't let herself believe things are over; she wants him back. She wants so badly for him to beg her forgiveness, to be miserable without her, and I thought he was such an asshole for breaking up with her, for breaking her heart.

"Then, one night, I was working on my case and he was worried about me, so he walked me back to my room. And I swear to you, I did everything I could to basically get him out of there. I told him I'd be fine, that my roommate would be back soon... and he didn't leave. He told me that he loved me and he pretty much always has, but he never thought I would ever be interested in him. And he was happy with Bess, he thought—thinks she's an amazing girl, but he's not in love with her anymore. He doesn't want the same things she does anymore. And he said I wasn't the reason he had broken up with Bess, and I... I was so worried that I was.

"And I told him that it didn't matter; we couldn't be together. We couldn't. He was Bess's boyfriend first and she wants him back and she thinks he's the only person who could ever make her happy, and I couldn't... I just couldn't. I couldn't hurt her that way.

"But he asked me... what I would have done, if I had met him first." Nancy looked down again, her eyes swimming. "And I told him I would have fallen so hard for him... that I had fallen so hard for him. That I loved him. And he told me he had loved me for so long."

Nancy ran her hand through her hair as Hannah placed the last meatball on the pan and went to the sink to thoroughly wash her hands, and Nancy wiped her eyes. "That sounds like a very hard situation," Hannah said, her brown eyes sympathetic.

Nancy shook her head. "It wasn't," she said. "And it was. When I'm with him, Hannah, I'm so incredibly happy and content. I don't want anything else. I just want him. And it's one of the most... amazing, _pure_ things I've ever experienced, the way I feel about him.

"And then I'm away from him and I feel like the most horrible person who has ever walked the earth."

"And you didn't tell Bess what was going on," Hannah surmised, opening the oven to slide the pan in before she searched Nancy's face.

Nancy shook her head. "I didn't. I couldn't. I wanted to, but then I thought that telling her would only hurt her more. I saw him again and..." Nancy looked at Hannah's face. "You can't tell Dad, okay?"

Hannah gave Nancy a slight nod. While Nancy was sure that her father was aware she was sexually active, it was just one of those things they didn't talk about. Hannah had been the one to go with her when she had gone to the doctor for her initial birth control examination, and while Nancy knew that if she told Hannah something too serious, she would feel compelled to pass it on, she had been Nancy's confidant since Nancy was a little girl, when Hannah would bandage scraped knees and cluck over bruises.

"We... we slept in the same bed, and fooled around some," Nancy said, flushing a little. "I told him we couldn't be together, not _together_ , but he said that if we loved each other, as far as he was concerned, if I wanted, we _were_ together. Even if we weren't a couple in public, we were together. And I... I was so happy.

"And then the next day Bess said I looked like I'd found a new guy, I had that glow about me—and she was talking about how she was going to get Ned back, and I... I realized that what we were doing... she was going to hate me. Ned didn't want us to keep our relationship a secret forever, but I told him I needed time to tell Bess, and he understood. And when I thought about telling Bess... oh, God. She would be so angry with me." Nancy ran her hand through her hair again. She had been right.

"So I told Ned we had to talk, and I went to Omega Chi—the frat house—and I told him that I could never be sure that he wouldn't do the same thing to me that he had done to Bess. After all, if he had just fallen out of love with her... I mean, Bess has been my best friend _forever_ , and if Ned and I were together a few months and broke up, and Bess and George were never speaking to me again... I would have lost my three best friends, and for nothing."

Hannah nodded. "Exactly. Nan, it sounds like... I don't know. It's such a strange situation, because you two have known each other for years now, but it also sounds like you were moving incredibly fast with him. Too fast to really think about what you were doing. So it's good that you pointed that out to him. What did he say?"

"That he—that what he feels for me is different from what he's felt about anyone. That ever since he first met me, he knew that I was the one for him. And he was sorry that he hadn't told me when we met, but he was so sure I didn't feel that way about him..."

Hannah shook her head. "Nancy," she said softly. "It's been obvious from the first time I saw the two of you together how he felt about you. How you felt about him."

Nancy kept hoping that all her tears were spent, but when Hannah said that, she felt her eyes flood again. "Really?" she whispered.

Hannah nodded. "It's written all over your face," she told Nancy, her tone sympathetic. "The way you smile when he calls; the way you frown when he's paying attention to Bess. I thought it was just a crush, and I thought that eventually your heart was going to get broken over it, but I kept hoping that maybe you'd find a good guy, that you'd never..." She shook her head. "Because I could see how much he cared about Bess, too. And I know how much you always have."

Nancy nodded. "And I told him that Bess and George, if he and I were together, they would never forgive me for it, they would hate me... but if we weren't together... if we just..." Her face crumpled again at the memory of it. "If we just acted like it had never happened..."

"You'd give him up so you wouldn't risk your friendship."

Nancy nodded. "Because what could be worth it? Bess and George have been my best friends for so long, and losing them over a guy, this one guy, and... and Ned... oh God, Hannah, I couldn't do it. I couldn't give him up. I can't give him up. And then we... we fooled around some more, and I told myself that if he was what I wanted, that I wasn't going to keep feeling bad about it, or guilty. I had to choose and I chose him and... I know, I know it sounds so bad, but I have never, _never_ felt for any of the other guys I've dated, what I feel for Ned."

Hannah shook her head. "But you're so young," she said, a pleading note in her voice. "You have so much ahead of you, and just like you said, what if a week, a month, a year from now, you meet a guy, and you haven't felt the way _he_ makes you feel either? You can't..." Hannah shook her head again. "You can't base it on the way you feel, Nan, because that will change. It always does. It's so much more than that..."

"And he's saved my life so many times," Nancy said. "He's brave and smart and handsome, and... and he told me that after spending so much time with me and Bess and George, working on cases, he wants adventure. He wants to travel and do new things and... and Bess doesn't, and I... I could have that kind of life with him, Hannah." Nancy could hear the pleading note in her own voice, but she couldn't stop it. "I've never had that with anyone else, not ever. I've never known a guy who wanted to help me like this, who wanted to be my _partner_ instead of just trying to tell me to stop putting myself in danger..." Nancy shook her head, frustrated. "Hannah, he's everything I've ever wanted," she said softly. "And I think I've been falling in love, that he's been falling in love with me, for all these years."

Hannah gave Nancy a small smile as she checked on the pot of spaghetti sauce. "I just... I hate to see you get hurt," she said quietly.

"Well," Nancy said, just as quietly, "I think we're past that now."

"Eat a cookie, Nancy. Have you had anything to eat today?"

"Not since breakfast," Nancy said, and looked down. She and Ned had eaten on the way back to Emerson that morning.

She was still surprised when she looked back, when she saw how quickly everything had come unraveled.

They sat down on the couch together, as Nancy told Hannah about the plans she had made for Bess and George for Valentine's Day, fully expecting that she and Ned wouldn't be together—but he had asked her to go out with him, and she had agreed.

"So I... I lied and told them I was going on a blind date," Nancy said, breaking a cookie in half. "Ned took me to a town an hour away from the college, where we knew no one would see us, and we had dinner at a really nice Italian restaurant, and then he took me to this little cabin he'd rented for us for the night. He gave me flowers..."

"The ones I saw on your desk?"

Nancy nodded. "And he gave me this ring."

Hannah looked at it, the corner of her mouth quirking up just a little. "Well, if you're moving too fast, at least the feeling seems to be mutual," she commented. "It's beautiful."

Nancy nodded, glancing at the door. Even though she knew her father probably wouldn't be home for an hour, she was still a little nervous. "And we made love," she said quietly. "I know... this sounds foolish, but before then, I could've... I don't know. It was like, after that, it was _real_. There couldn't be any excuses. But then we'd had sex, and... and I decided to tell Bess this weekend. She has a crush on this guy who's in Omega Chi..."

"And has this guy seen you and Ned together?" Hannah asked.

"Probably." Nancy shrugged miserably and forced herself to take a bite of her oatmeal cookie. "That was another thing, too. My roommate saw us together. Maury, he's another guy at Ned's frat—he knows we're together. The ring... this morning, when we came back late and Ned dropped me off at my dorm to save time... I was still wearing the ring. I had his flowers with me. And someone saw him drop me off... and told Bess."

"And she knew you were on a date last night."

Nancy nodded, frowning. "She called me during my first class and told me she'd heard a guy who looked a lot like Ned had dropped me off this morning."

"And what did you tell her?"

Nancy impatiently wiped a tear from her cheek. "I couldn't lie to her," Nancy whispered. "She asked me point-blank if I spent last night with Ned... and I told her yes." She glanced up into Hannah's eyes, her own grief-stricken. "And she said I stabbed her in the back, that she couldn't believe I'd done this to her... I told her I'd never meant to hurt her, and she said if I hadn't meant to, I wouldn't have."

"Oh, Nancy. Oh no."

"She hung up on me." Nancy tipped her head down, crying again. "And I... I don't know what to do now."

Hannah reached over and drew Nancy into her arms, and Nancy pressed her face into the housekeeper's shoulder and cried. Hannah stroked her back, making quiet shushing noises.

"It's okay, Nan. Shhhh."

"It's not okay. She's not going to forgive me."

Hannah hugged her until the timer went off for the meatballs, and when she went to the kitchen, Nancy wiped her face again, then finished her cookie. She loved Hannah's cookies, but she had to force herself to eat it.

"I'm awful," she said, when Hannah returned, wiping her hands on her apron. "Aren't I."

Hannah paused. "I think Ned put you in an awful position," she said. "After all, he's the one who was still seeing someone else when he first made a move on you. It would be so hard for me to get past that, in your place. And just try to imagine how Bess probably feels right now."

Nancy nodded. "She's been so upset about Ned and I... I just want her to be happy. I begged him to go back to her, and he told me he wasn't going to, even if I told him that we couldn't be together. He just wasn't in love with her anymore."

"And now he's in love with you."

"And even if I broke things off with him, that wouldn't make Bess hurt any less," Nancy said softly.

"Are you considering doing that?"

Nancy shook her head. "No. It's done, now. I can't undo it if I break up with him."

"That is true," Hannah said. "And it's also true that Bess will eat her heart out knowing that you're with him. Every time she sees the two of you together, she'll feel betrayed again."

"But if she finds someone else..."

"A part of her will always think that you stole him," Hannah said. "That you're the reason he's not with her anymore. And, on some level, that will be true."

Nancy frowned. "So what should I do?"

Hannah sighed. "Have you decided that you're in this for the long haul, with him? I mean, that ring seems pretty serious, but have you told him what happened with Bess?"

"He called when I was on the way here; I left while he was in class. And he said he would come home tomorrow, to be with me, but I told him not to. He has a game Saturday."

Hannah relaxed marginally. "Oh."

"When I... when I tried to break things off with him, in his room that night... oh, Hannah, the look on his face... he begged me to reconsider. He begged me to stay with him. He is so incredibly sweet and tender and _good_ , and when I'm with him, I have no doubt at all that he loves me, that he loves me more than anyone else I've ever known. And I can't... I can't give that up. I know that we only have a chance, that what's between us is so new, and I _know_ , I get it. And maybe we are too young to be talking about forever. But I can't imagine a future without him in it. I... I would be devastated."

"Just like Bess is right now."

Nancy nodded, frowning again.

"So I think you need to talk to her," Hannah said slowly. "Be honest with her. And it's going to hurt, and it's going to be awful, and what you did to her, lying to her..."

Nancy took a quick breath, but Hannah shook her head. "No, Nancy. You lied to her. Don't deny it, because you know it's true. The presents you two secretly gave each other, when he kissed you and you didn't tell her? When you spent the night with him and didn't tell her? It was a lie of omission, but it was a lie. And the longer you keep lying to her, the longer you go without coming clean with her, the worse it will be. You owe her that."

"But if I call her and she just hangs up on me..."

"Have you even tried?" Nancy shook her head wordlessly. "Then you don't know. But this really isn't the kind of conversation you can have over the phone."

Their conversation earlier had been terribly painful, even though it had been brief. Actually seeing the hurt, devastated expression on Bess's face while she told her about what had happened...

"And once you tell her, Nan, you need to accept that she might never forgive you for this. I know you tried to do the right thing... but you need to be honest with her, get it all out in the open, and if she can't be friends with you again, then you said it. That's the price you have to pay for being in a relationship with him."

"Both of them," Nancy said softly. "I'm sure Bess has told George by now, and that she hates me too."

Hannah patted Nancy's shoulder. "And you knew this was what would happen."

Nancy sighed. "Ned... when he saw how upset I was, he said that Bess had been my friend for a long time, way before he met her, and she would eventually understand..."

"Which just goes to show that he doesn't really understand," Hannah said quietly. "I've seen friendships, relationships, totally destroyed by this kind of thing. People who were friends for years, who never spoke again. Nancy, if, _if_ she forgives you, it's going to take a long, long time. You need to know that."

"I know," Nancy said softly.

"But, Nan, considering... you put so much at risk for him, you have given up so much for him. Your two best friends in the world—your relationship with them will never be the same. So if you've decided that he's the one you want, that this is worth it... then stay with him. Because I'll be honest with you, sweetheart—of all the guys you've ever dated, I've never seen you really commit to any of them. You've never been in a real long-term relationship. If you want to keep him, you can't be like that anymore."

"I won't."

Hannah sat back. "Now eat your cookie, before it spoils your dinner."

When Carson walked in through the kitchen door after work, he had already seen Nancy's car, so he knew his daughter was home. "Sweetheart, this is a surprise," he said when she came to him and wrapped him in a welcoming hug. She almost looked normal again; after she had bathed her face in cold water again, she and Hannah had finished dinner, chopping vegetables for the salad and slicing a French loaf for garlic bread. In an effort to cheer Nancy up, Hannah had whipped up a batch of no-bake chocolate peanut butter cookies, and despite her roiling stomach, Nancy had to admit she was looking forward to eating them.

"Everything okay?"

Nancy shrugged. "Just wanted to see you and Hannah," she said with a smile. "I'll be okay."

When she told him that she would be home the whole weekend, Carson asked if she wanted to do something; he had actually been considering driving up to Emerson just to see her for a few hours, and he was delighted that she would be around. She pulled up the local movie listings on her phone, and they decided to go see a well-reviewed historical drama together.

The mouthwatering aroma of Hannah's homemade spaghetti sauce had been filling the kitchen all afternoon, and after Hannah served her a plate, Nancy finally felt like she could eat something. She didn't quite finish her plate, but she did eat her salad and a piece of garlic bread, and two of the no-bake cookies. Then Nancy joined her father in the living room and asked him about his day, and just relaxed into the familiar ritual of it all. She hadn't realized how much she had missed it, being away at Emerson for so many months, and she was happy to feel something close to safe again.

Only after she had excused herself for the night did Nancy check the messages on her phone. Ned had left her one, telling her to call him if she needed to, and he said again that he loved her. No other messages.

Then Nancy pulled up Facebook. She had never spent a lot of time on the site, but Bess spent a lot of her time on it, and Nancy was dreading the thought of what she had probably posted.

Her heart sank when she saw that Bess had defriended her. She wrapped her arms around her belly and felt a lump of tears rise in her throat. When she went to Bess's page, the most recent post had been made around lunchtime that day.

_I thought I knew who my friends were, but I guess I was wrong. I had no idea that people I loved could hurt me so much._

Several of Bess's friends, some of them mutual friends with Nancy, had commented to ask Bess what was wrong, if she was okay. One of them, a person whose name Nancy only vaguely recognized, had posted " _Oh guess u found out :("._

Oh God. Nancy ducked her head. People in her dorm, at the Omega Chi house, people who had seen them walking across campus together... all it would have taken was one person telling her.

They had been so foolish, so naive, to think that they were keeping their relationship just between them. Ned was widely considered to be one of, if not _the_ , most handsome guys on campus, and people noticed him, even if they didn't know who Nancy was.

She knew Hannah was right, that she needed to have this conversation with Bess in person, but she couldn't wait. Nancy pulled up her email account and began to compose a new message, wondering if her friend would even open it once she saw Nancy's name as the sender.

_Bess,_

_I'm sorry. I am so sorry that you found out this way—and I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I started seeing him. I don't have any excuse. I never meant for this to happen._

_I know you're angry at me right now and I don't blame you. If I were in your shoes I would be angry too. I know you have to feel hurt and betrayed and I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I hurt someone I love so much. You have been my friend for so long, you and George are like the sisters I've never had, and from the bottom of my heart, I just want you to know that I never, never wanted to hurt you like this._

For the rest of the weekend, Nancy couldn't stop checking her email, hoping against hope that Bess would reply to her, but she didn't, and Nancy's heart sank a little more with every passing hour of silence. She considered texting Bess, texting George, calling a mutual friend who might be able to tell her how Bess was doing, but any mutual friend who had any idea of what had happened between the three of them, Nancy was sure, wouldn't be all that sympathetic to Nancy's side of the story.

_I'm in love with him, and I'm sorry._

_Doesn't matter. He was off limits and you didn't care._

On Saturday Nancy worked on her assignments, catching up on what she had missed by skipping her classes Thursday and Friday, and went to the movies with her father. Afterward they went to a late lunch in downtown River Heights, and once they placed their orders, Carson sat back.

"So what's the problem, Nan," he said, crossing his arms, and his eyes were sympathetic. He knew her too well; he always had.

Nancy toyed with her fork. "Well... Ned broke up with Bess, and he and I have been seeing each other," she said. "And on Thursday, Bess found out."

"From the look on your face, I'm supposing that she didn't take it well."

Nancy shook her head slowly. "No... not at all."

"I know Ned has been important to you for a while," her father said, and Nancy raised an eyebrow. "Helping you on your cases... saving your life a time or two, if I remember correctly."

"He has," she confirmed with a nod.

"Whenever I've been around him, he's seemed like a smart, hardworking young man with a good head on his shoulders. And a better match for you than the few guys you've seen fit to bring home for my inspection." Carson gave her a small smile. "Well, I'm sorry that Bess is upset, but I have to admit... I do like him, Nancy. I have for a while. And I'll feel safer knowing that he'll be around you more often. I know I try to hide it, but I was a little worried when you chose a college so far away."

"And Emerson's been a good fit for me," she told him. "I love my classes, I love the campus. I made the dean's list fall semester."

"I remember," Carson said with a proud smile. "So the next time he's home, we'll just have to have dinner together. So I can make sure he's keeping you out of trouble when I can't. As much as anyone could."

Nancy smiled at her father. "I'll be sure to let him know."

He asked how her classes—and her cases—were going, and caught her up on his current trial and the one his firm was working on. She had missed talking to her father like this; over the phone, it just wasn't the same.

The waitress had just confirmed that they weren't going to have any dessert when Nancy took a last sip of her soda, then propped her chin on her hand and looked at her father. "Can I ask you something?"

"Always," he replied, sitting back, fixing his affectionate gaze on her.

"When you met Mom... did you know? Was it immediate?"

"You mean, was it love at first sight?" When Nancy nodded, Carson's lips quirked up.

"It was, kind of," he said. "I... I felt a spark when I saw her, when I first looked into Cathy's eyes, one unlike anything else I had ever felt before. I was intrigued by her. And your personality is very, very much like hers, sweetheart, so I was just a little intimidated, too.

"But I didn't fall in _love_ with her until we got to know each other, until we had gone on a few dates... and yet, getting to know her was like catching up with an old friend I just hadn't seen in a while. It was the strangest thing. She was familiar to me even though she was a stranger. I don't know if that makes sense..."

"I think I understand," Nancy told him with a smile.

Carson smiled. "I think that kind of connection is rare, though. I've met many, many beautiful, intelligent women, but I don't think anyone I will ever meet will be quite like your mother. ...Are you asking me because...?"

Nancy blushed a little. "I... I don't know," she said softly. "Maybe."

Before she called Ned that night, Nancy pulled up a brief article about the game and was pleased to see that Ned had the second-highest point score. "Congratulations," she told him when he answered the phone.

Ned laughed. "Thanks, gorgeous. How are you doing?"

"Okay," Nancy sighed, rolling onto her back, looking up at the ceiling. "Better, now that I'm talking to you."

"Good. Although I think I know what would make you feel even better."

"An ice cream sundae?"

"I was thinking of something significantly less cold."

"One of Hannah's brownies warm out of the oven with a glass of cold milk?" Nancy teased him.

Ned paused. "Shit. What was I talking about?"

"I think it possibly involved getting me in bed," Nancy murmured. "Although maybe not, if the thought of Hannah's brownies was enough to distract you."

"Okay, so, a brownie and _then_ sex," he amended.

Nancy giggled. "But seriously. You did a great job today. I read the recap."

And Ned told her about the game, and asked her how her weekend had been, and she told him what her father had said about him. Ned was pleased, but admitted Nancy's father had always intimidated him a little.

And they talked for hours, after Hannah and Carson had gone to bed, until Nancy's phone battery was almost depleted and she had to plug her phone in, until Ned's battery had practically run out too. They talked the way they had before, but now the teasing innuendo wasn't really innuendo anymore. They talked about spring break, about the summer, and just the prospect of making long-term plans with him made her feel warm and happy.

"So you must not be freaking out about... us," Ned said hesitantly, when they were both more than a little exhausted, when she curled up on her side and wished that he was there with her, holding her.

"I'm not," she confirmed softly. "And I guess you aren't either."

"I wish things had gone differently, but I'm happy I'm with you," he told her. "I love you so much, sweetheart."

"And I love you too," she said, a smile curving her mouth. "But... what I said still stands, okay? I know... I know she knows, but let's just be low-key for a little while. But I'll be able to come to your games, and that kind of thing..."

"Good," he said, his voice low and pleased. "Because the only thing better than winning a game would be you coming on the court afterward to congratulate me."

She chuckled. "I... I realized something. Actually, Hannah helped me figure it out... I've never been in a relationship this important to me before. I just... I'm going to try to do this right, okay? I'm just not used to letting anyone get this close to me."

"Then I'm glad I'm the first," he told her.

_The only_ , she thought, after they wished each other a good night and reluctantly hung up, both of them ready to fall asleep but wishing for a few more minutes. _You are my only, Ned._

On Sunday night, when Nancy returned to campus, her room was empty; Lydia was out. Nancy went to her jewelry box and slipped the necklace Ned had given her around her neck, glancing down to see it resting against her cream-colored cashmere sweater. She dropped off the books she wouldn't need, then packed a small bag and her backpack for her Monday classes. Once she had texted Ned to let him know she was on the way over, she checked her email. No new messages from Bess. She sighed, frowning, then put her phone away.

Ned was apparently downstairs watching for her, because when she approached the Omega Chi house, she only had to knock once before he was opening the door for her. He took her bag and backpack, and Nancy followed him upstairs, casting a glance and a small wave around. The ones who noticed it returned the wave, and she saw a few smiles; she didn't see Paul, and for that, she was grateful.

Maury's door was open when they walked by his room, and Nancy paused just to tell him hello and thank him again for all the help he had given her. "It was no problem at all," he told her, scrunching his nose to push his glasses up without touching them. "And the next time you need help breaking into email addresses or anything else, I'm your guy."

Nancy smiled at him, a tingle going up her arm as Ned took her hand. "Thanks a million, anyway."

When they went to Ned's room and he closed the door behind them, then placed her bags on the floor, Ned pulled her into his arms. "Do I need to worry about that nerd stealing my girl?"

"Never," Nancy told him, tipping her head up, her eyes fluttering shut as he brushed his lips against hers. "Well, probably never."

"Probably?"

She ran her hand through his hair, then brought him down to kiss her again. "Hmm. Definitely not, because there's no way he could kiss better than you."

"You bet, sweetheart," he told her.

Together they finished up their assignments, and he let her use his printer to run out one of her papers, before they changed into their pajamas, brushed their teeth and washed their faces. Together they slipped under the covers of his bed, and she cuddled against him, her face against his chest and Ned's arm draped over her, their legs tangled together.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, bringing his hand up to stroke her hair.

"Yeah," she whispered, shifting against him. "I'm okay. Did you want to..."

"I always do," he said softly. "But you seem exhausted. Rain check?"

She smiled, knowing he couldn't see it, and stroked his arm. "Thanks," she murmured.

"I will take a kiss, though."

She shivered when his lips touched hers, when his tongue slipped into her mouth, and when he rolled over a little, she rolled onto her back, threading her fingers through his hair. He gave her a long, lingering kiss, then another, before he pulled her back into his arms.

"I'm so happy you're here," he whispered. "I wish I'd gone home to see you this weekend."

She squeezed him. "But then we couldn't have done this," she pointed out softly.

"I don't care, Nan. I could have been there for you."

"You were," she told him. "In the way that mattered, you were. And it meant a lot to me that you offered."

"Mmm." He kissed the crown of her head. "I love you, Nancy Drew."

"And I love you, Ned Nickerson. So, so very much."

The next morning, waking up in his arms, seeing his sleepy smile as he blinked at her, filled her with such love, and she hugged him tight, wishing she could bottle the feeling and keep it the rest of the day. She dressed and prepared herself for class, telling Ned she would come back for her duffel bag later, and Ned told her he didn't mind if she kept some clothes in his room. He planned on her staying over a lot more often.

Nancy's heart was beating like crazy when she found the right room, and she only had to wait a few minutes before the door opened and students began streaming out, shouldering their backpacks and chattering to each other, checking their phones to see if they had missed any important Facebook updates or text messages. Bess was one of the first ones out, and Nancy pushed herself off the wall she had been leaning against, swallowing hard as she approached her friend.

Bess glanced up, and when her blue eyes fixed on Nancy, she went white, then scarlet, her mouth clamping shut.

Seeing that made Nancy's heart hurt.

"Bess..."

"I don't have anything to say to you," Bess said, her voice tight, and when she shouldered past Nancy, Nancy didn't let herself consider before she turned to follow. A few of Bess's classmates were clearly interested in seeing what happened, but when Bess began to briskly stride away, they lost interest.

"Please let me explain," Nancy said, her voice breaking. She barely caught the edge of Bess's backpack, and the girl turned back toward her, fine wisps of her blonde hair framing her flushed face. Her eyes were gleaming.

"Explain what? How you _stole_ my boyfriend? How you got him to break up with me so he could be with you?"

Nancy's own eyes were filling with sympathetic, guilty tears. She shook her head. "Bess, I swear, it wasn't like that—"

Bess crossed her arms. "How long were you fucking him behind my back?"

Her voice was harsh and trembling, and Nancy opened her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. "I... nothing happened until after he broke up with you."

"God," Bess gasped. "God, I can't believe you're fucking lying to me. _Again._ "

Bess had known Nancy for a very long time, and for a second Nancy had tried to believe she could actually fool her. Nancy glanced around at the hallway around them, the students still walking by. "Can we not do this here?"

Bess's berry-glossed lips were a straight line as she and Nancy left the building, but once they were on the ground floor outside, Bess stopped and turned to her again. "So you two were sneaking around behind my back before he fucking broke up with me."

Nancy shook her head, feeling a juvenile impulse to say _He kissed me_ , but she wasn't going to just shove the responsibility onto him; she could have avoided it, could have made sure he hadn't. "We kissed," she said, and she couldn't look into Bess's eyes as she said it. "Twice. Before. And I told him that we couldn't, that he was with you..."

Bess snorted. "Yeah. And that totally worked."

"Bess, I'm so sorry," Nancy said, her voice breaking again. "I swear to you, I... I begged him to go back to you. _Begged_ him. I told him how miserable you were, and I... I never wanted to hurt you."

A tear streaked down Bess's flushed cheek. "And I bet you loved it," she said, her voice low, trembling with anger. "Listening to me cry and wish for him back while you were making sure he'd never come back to me. I mean, fucking _look_ at you. You _always_ get what you want, and you wanted him. You're pretty and thin and smart and of course he would want you instead of me."

Nancy's mouth dropped open, another pair of tears slipping down her cheeks. "God, _no, no,_ Bess, I swear it wasn't like that."

Bess shook her head, disgusted. "And then you fucking _lied_ to us and went out for Valentine's Day with him. With _him_. So what, did you fuck him the night after he broke up with me?"

Nancy shook her head mutely. "No. _No_. He came to me and I told him he was an asshole for breaking up with you..."

"Sure you did," Bess said angrily. "Because _you_ weren't an asshole for jamming your tongue down my _boyfriend's throat._ "

Nancy wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself. "I wish I could take it back," she whispered.

"But you _didn't_. Instead you fucking slept with him," Bess said, her voice rising into a sob. "You slept with the guy I love. The guy who wanted to fucking marry me until you decided to _steal him_ away from me."

Nancy shook her head. "I didn't."

Bess snickered. "And do you know what hurts the most?" she said, her blue eyes furious as her gaze locked to Nancy's face. "That I _trusted_ you. That I thought you were one of my best friends in the world, that you would never, _never_ do something like this to me. But you did. And I hate you so, so much, because no matter what, if you were a decent human being, you wouldn't have done this."

Nancy covered her trembling lips with her hand, too hurt to speak.

"And I will _never_ ," Bess said, taking a step toward her, her voice low, intense and angry, " _never_ forgive you for this. I hate you so much, Nancy. I wish I'd never met you."

Bess shook her head one last time, then turned and strode briskly away.

And Nancy was left staring after her, frozen and numb, her sight blurred with tears.


	10. Chapter 10

_Be there in a few. Wait for me._

Nancy walked into the Omega Chi house, sighing as she read Ned's text. Getting through the rest of the day after her conversation with Bess had been a nightmare. Her friend's words kept echoing in her head, and through the rest of her classes, while she had eaten lunch alone in the library, she had felt sick and miserable. Only the thought of seeing Ned after their classes had made her feel marginally better.

_I hate you so much._

Nancy went to the kitchen and drew herself a glass of water. She didn't have a key to Ned's room and she didn't want to break in or just sit outside on the carpet waiting. A pair of voices drifted in from the adjoining room, and she wasn't trying to eavesdrop. Not intentionally.

"You sure you can't do it? It'll just take an hour, hour and a half tops."

"I've got a date."

Paul was the second speaker; Nancy recognized his voice. He was talking to someone in the large entertainment room beside the kitchen.

"Bess? She coming to the St. Patrick's party?"

"Sure hope so. She..."

Their voices trailed off as they walked out of the room, and Nancy looked down at her hands. So Paul and Bess were dating. And if Nancy attended any Omega Chi parties with Ned, they would see each other.

For a moment she wondered if Bess would avoid any Omega Chi events, but why would she? She wasn't the one who had done anything wrong. And if she was seeing Paul, she had to be at least a little over Ned...

_Yeah. And that's why you kept seeing Steve, right? Not because you wanted to make sure you had an excuse to be around Ned._

Nancy frowned and poured the rest of her water down the drain. Her stomach was jumping too much to finish it.

Ned came in a few minutes later, and Nancy came to the kitchen doorway. She couldn't deny that the knot of tension that had been in her stomach all day long relaxed some when she saw him, when their gazes met. He had a paper sack in his hand, and a larger plastic bag in the other.

"Want to eat in the kitchen?"

Nancy shook her head, nodding at the stairs. "If it's okay with you."

"Sure." Ned came over and kissed her temple, asking her to collect a few paper plates and napkins for them before they went upstairs. Even though Nancy's appetite was almost gone, the smell of grilled onions and bacon coming from the bag did make her stomach growl a little.

As soon as they were in his room, Nancy came to him, and Ned wrapped his arms around her. She had left him a message that she had talked to Bess, and when he had asked, she had told him it hadn't gone well, but that was all he knew.

Nancy slipped her arms up around his neck, nestling her face against his shoulder, just breathing him in, trying to relax.

"I'm so sorry, Nan."

She had cried, so long, so much that she had hoped all her tears were spent; all day long she had been swallowing the lump in her throat. Ned walked over to the bed with her and she wrapped herself around him after they sat down on it, pressing her face against his neck, shaking quietly.

He stroked her back, her hair. "I'm so sorry."

"Why did it have to be like this," she whispered, more to herself than him. "She said she hates me, that she wishes she'd never met me... that you wanted to marry her until I stole you away."

Ned pulled back a little, to gaze into Nancy's gleaming blue eyes. "She said what?"

"That you wanted to marry her, until you fell for me."

Ned's lips tightened briefly. "Nan... whenever marriage came up, she was the one who talked about it, not me," he said. "I promise you."

"You said... you said when you were with her that you wanted that kind of life with her..."

"When I was sixteen," he nodded. "We were so young... and it was never serious. We didn't look at engagement rings together, or anything like that. But over break, she kept bringing it up..."

"And I guess that when you didn't just grab her and stare into her eyes and say 'No, that's not going to happen...'"

Ned shrugged. "I'm sorry she felt that way," he told Nancy. "I am. But no, sweetheart." He brought his hand up, stroking her cheek, her jaw, his dark, expressive gaze still locked to hers. "We weren't happily engaged, practically planning our wedding, when you suddenly stole me away from her."

She gave him a small smile. "But that's the way she feels," she said softly.

Ned kissed her briefly, then went to his desk, serving each of them a plate with the hamburgers and fries. He brought hers over to her, and while she was still feeling upset, her stomach audibly growled.

And the hamburger did taste amazing. He had picked it up from the diner on the edge of campus, the one with passable service and aged, cracked booths and deliciously greasy food. It was still warm, topped with sharp cheddar, grilled mushrooms and onions, bacon and mayonnaise. Just the way she liked burgers from the diner.

He had noticed. He had noticed so much about her in the time they had been around each other.

She was able to finish most of her burger, and he turned his television to ESPN long enough to catch up on the recent sports scores before he flipped to the evening news. When she gave up on dinner, he finished the rest of her meal, then disposed of all of it, but the smell of the food still lingered.

She had work to do, but even after she had pulled out her textbook and consulted her notes to confirm what she needed to read for homework, she couldn't concentrate. Ned took his laptop and sat on the bed beside her, working on a summary paper, and Nancy hesitated for a moment, running her fingers through her hair.

Ned glanced up at her. "Come on," he said, reaching for her, drawing her to his side, and she gave up entirely on her homework for the moment, closing her eyes.

_You two are so young, Nancy._

She had been told that so many times. By cops, adults, practically anyone who was trying to convince her to stop what she was doing, to stop her investigations, to back down. She didn't let it stop her.

They _were_ young.

And being in love with him... that didn't guarantee her happiness. She still had three years of college in front of her, Ned two. A million things could change inbetween. And even if they were together past graduation, even if they were happy together... her parents had been happy together, too.

And her father still hadn't found anyone to fill the void Catherine had left in his life, in his heart.

Ned.

She knew exactly what her father had meant. She felt like she knew him. She felt like she had always known him. So often he had found her by hunch alone, just in the nick of time; so often they had been able to coordinate with just a few whispered words. He was the best sounding board she had ever known.

Her heart still ached, and she knew her heart would ache for a long time over the situation between her and her best friends, but that didn't mean she was going to give up. Maybe Hannah was right and Bess never would forgive her for what she had done. Maybe it would just take time.

But she hadn't gained a reputation as an outstanding amateur detective by giving up.

After she had made that decision, she felt a little better, and was able to finish up half her reading. When Ned put his laptop back on his desk and plugged it in, yawning, Nancy swallowed, not sure if he was giving her a hint. She had gone by her room and picked up clothes for the next day, just in case he wanted her to stay over, but she didn't want to presume. She closed her book, slipping off his bed, pulling the hem of her sweater down from where it had ridden up.

"I... I can pack up," she said. "If you're ready for bed."

"Stay here," he told her. "It's late, and you can borrow a shirt..."

She glanced at her bag. "I have pajamas," she said, her lips turning up slightly.

"So there's no problem." Ned went to his dresser and found a clean undershirt. "Although I do love the way you look in my clothes, Drew."

They brushed their teeth and washed their faces, getting ready for bed, and Nancy took out a long-sleeved henley to change into, then dove under the covers bare-legged. Ned's email notification chimed on his laptop and he checked it quickly, then walked over to the light switch, but changed his mind. He picked up the plastic bag he had brought in with their dinner and came to her, reaching into the bag.

He pulled a brown teddy bear out of the bag, its large brown eyes shining. The bear's paws held a large pink felt heart, and when Ned handed it to her, she was surprised at how incredibly soft and silky the bear's fur felt against her fingertips.

"I thought he might be able to cheer you up," Ned told her, and Nancy hugged the bear as Ned turned the lights off, crossing back to the bed. "You sounded so sad when you called me."

Nancy couldn't remember the last time she had slept with a stuffed animal, but hugging his soft body was so comforting, and she cuddled him close. Ned slipped under the covers and Nancy nestled against him. Her head had been pounding most of the day, from crying that morning and off and on afterward, and it throbbed more insistently for a moment before she relaxed and it began to subside.

"Thank you so much," she murmured. "You are so incredibly thoughtful and sweet. I love him."

"I'm glad." Ned's lips brushed against her forehead. "I love you, Nan."

"I love you too," she whispered, releasing the bear so she could press her body against her boyfriend's, feeling the steady, calming thump of his heart under her ear. "So much."

They were both tired, but Ned wasn't yet ready to go to sleep, so he flipped on the television with closed captioning so he wouldn't disturb her while she was trying to sleep. She drifted off still cuddled against him, his hand stroking her hair, feeling safe and loved, even if she wasn't quite back to normal yet.

She had always been able to share everything with Bess and George. Everything. And being with Ned made her so happy... but she could never share that happiness with them. The thought made her incredibly sad.

She woke when Ned shifted, and the room was dark; she had been asleep. "Sorry," Ned murmured, putting the television remote down on his bedside table before he slid under the covers with her, pulling her into his arms. His knee slid between her legs and a warm flush rose in her cheeks. God, she was burning up.

She pulled back a little to tug her shirt over her head and drop it beside the bed, then returned to him, the warmth in their cocoon of blankets; outside it, the air was chilly. Ned's fingertips skated up her bare arm, and she nestled against his chest, her hips shifting.

She let out a soft sigh when she shifted again and Ned's thigh ended up pressed against the join of her own. She could feel herself flushing as she moved again, both of them still trying to get comfortable, and an insistent throb began to pulse between her thighs as she rubbed against him.

She was acting foolish. She just needed to take her panties off; he'd get the message, she was sure. But she was reluctant. That was the way it used to be, and she didn't want anything between them to be that way. She wanted their relationship to be different.

Nancy pulled back a little, tipping her face up, and through the orange light coming through his blinds, she saw him looking down at her, her hips slowly shifting. He cupped her cheek and she turned her head to kiss his palm, then took his hand, guiding it down to her panties. He slipped his thumb beneath the band and she held his gaze as she shifted her hips against his again, more deliberately.

Ned leaned down and kissed her, and they rolled together so he was pinning her under him, still stroking her hip. They hadn't made love since five days earlier, and when Ned arched over her, pulling his shirt over his head, his hips moved against hers and she gasped, slipping her arms around him as he returned to her.

"Mmm," she hummed softly, her knees coming up, cradling his hips between hers as she rocked against him, seeking contact through their underwear. Ned's tongue plunged into her mouth and she shivered, meeting each stroke of his tongue with one of her own, and when he just began to push her panties down, she straightened her legs, eager to help him take them off.

He barely had them pushed off her ankles when he scrambled to turn on the bedside lamp, then the drawer in the table beneath, pulling out a handful of foil packets and tossing them onto the bed. She reached for his underwear when he returned to her, and he helped her push them down, letting out a soft pleased moan when she palmed his cock.

"You are so handsome," she whispered, continuing to stroke him as she held his gaze. "I want you so much, baby, I always have..."

He smiled at her, kissing her softly, then again, his hips rocking against her touch. "And I have always, always wanted you, Nan," he whispered against her ear. "You are so incredibly special, so beautiful, and when we're apart, I just count the minutes until I'm able to see you again..."

"Me too," she whispered, and she smiled, her heart so full as he nuzzled against her skin, kissing her throat. She cradled his hips again, and when he nipped at her shoulder, she began to angle him toward her, her sex tingling in anticipation of making love to him again. "Sometimes I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with you and it wouldn't be long enough."

"I know," he groaned against her shoulder, and when he pushed her hand away, then rolled and pulled her on top of him, she straddled him, stroking her slick inner lips against the underside of his shaft, her hair loose and brushing against her cheeks as she gazed down at him. When he cupped her breasts she moaned, rocking against him harder. She wanted more, but she loved being able to feel him against her like this, and she loved the low-lidded expression of desire on her boyfriend's face at the contact.

"Shit," Ned hissed, arching, roughly stroking her nipple as he slid his other hand down her belly, his thumb working against the top of her sex to find her clit.

" _God_ ," she gasped out, letting her knees slide further apart, flushing as she ground against him. His bare cock was in contact with her sex, the sensation driving them both crazy, and when he bucked against her again, she moaned.

"Baby, _shit_ ," he growled. "Condom..."

God, it felt so fucking good, so good, and both of them groaned when he dug his thumb hard against her clit, and she shuddered in answer. "Do you... really want to..." she panted, rocking against him.

"To get inside you? Fuck yes."

"To use a condom," she gasped out.

"Are you on—"

She nodded rapidly. "Yeah," she moaned, pushing herself up to angle her hips, and she tossed her hair out of her face, whimpering as he kept stroking her clit. "Yeah, but I've never, without one..."

"Are you sure you want to?"

She swallowed, nodding, meeting his eyes. "Yeah," she whispered, and from the look on his face, she knew he was getting close.

"Nan," Ned whispered, and when he rolled her onto her back, her legs sprawled open, ready for him, he glanced once more at the foil packets of the condoms, then barely brushed the tip of his bare cock against the slick hot opening of her sex. He groaned in pleasure, and she ran her hands up his arms to his shoulders, gently running her nails over his skin.

"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, please. I want you to be the first..."

"God," he whispered. "I've never... I've never either..."

She loosely wrapped her legs around his waist, and when he began to move inside her, it didn't feel different to her—but the look on her boyfriend's face was pure ecstasy, and that made her shiver with sympathy. He arched over her, kissing her as he began to rub her clit again, and she bucked under him.

"Fuck," he growled, and she kissed him back, drawing her nails lightly down his spine as she buried her other hand in his hair. "Oh holy _fuck_ that feels _so good_."

"You like it?" she panted, arching as he pressed his full length between her thighs. "Mmmmm, oh _God_ that feels amazing, baby."

He paused, letting her adjust to him, and kissed her hard. "You bet it fucking does," he growled, pulling back a little. "Oh my God, you are so incredibly wet..."

She flushed slightly. "Is that... okay?"

He opened his eyes, his gaze dark and intense with desire. "Nan... baby, you feel so indescribably good around me. Holy _shit_." He pushed his full length inside her again, then pulled back for a longer thrust. "Doesn't it feel different for you?"

She shook her head. "Not really," she admitted. "Except that I'm happy it's making you so happy."

"It has _never_ felt like this for me," he told her, leaning down to brush his lips against hers, and when his body was pressing hers down to his bed, when she was caged under him, she felt an incredible thrill of pleasure slide down her spine. "Oh my God. The only thing that's ever felt anywhere near this good... was making love to you for the first time."

She blinked up at him as he pulled back for another thrust. "I want to make you happy," she whispered. "I only want to make you happy. And I've never felt that way before."

"And you do," he told her, moving inside her again, and her lips parted at the pleasure of feeling him, so tight inside her. "You make me so happy, Nan."

Nancy wrapped herself around him, letting him set the pace, rocking her hips to meet him, and he groaned in pleasure at his every thrust, starting slow and moving faster. He circled her clit with his thumb and she shuddered, rolling her hips, tipping her head back. "Yes," she whimpered. "Oh my God, oh holy _fuck_..."

Her entire body trembled as she took his thrusts, and she bucked, digging her nails into his back, sobbing as her orgasm made her tighten around him. "Shhh," he panted. "God, you are so fucking sexy, baby, but we have to be quiet..."

She tried to muffle her cry, and at the apex of his next thrust she bit his shoulder, screaming as he surged inside her in answer. "Holy _fuck_ ," he growled, canting his hips, and she felt a tear slip down her cheek as she sobbed, muffling herself against his chest, clawing at him.

"Come," he gasped, and she flushed, shuddering in answer. "Come for me, beautiful."

" _Ned_ ," she whimpered, her voice breaking, her hips bucking rapidly as she felt her orgasm crash over her, her sex pulsing against his.

"Oh _shit_ ," Ned gasped out, driving himself hard into her, his thumb working frantically against her clit. "Oh my _God_ , baby, so good... oh _fuck_."

She writhed under him, burying her fingers in his hair, clutching at him as he buried his face against her shoulder, a deep groan vibrating against her skin as he finally let himself come. Her body was fully pinned under his, and they were both panting like they had run a marathon, relaxing into his mattress, utterly and fully spent.

Ned pulled his hand from between them, but otherwise didn't move, and Nancy let her legs relax, but left them still loosely wrapped around him. It took them a long, long moment to recover, and finally Ned took a deep breath, turning his head to kiss her temple before he slowly pushed himself up.

"You okay?"

Nancy gave him a slow, lazy smile, shivering when he gently pulled out of her. She felt too relaxed to move, and when Ned grabbed a few tissues and gently wiped her thighs for her, she just gazed up at him, her skin still prickling, her sex still throbbing with renewed arousal and awareness as he touched her.

He had spent himself inside her. For the first time, a man had actually left a part of himself inside her.

"Was it good?" she whispered, after he cleaned himself up, swept the condoms back into his drawer, and clicked off the lamp, pulling the covers back over them.

"You aren't usually so insecure," he murmured, a touch of humor in his voice. "Nan... baby, I hate to tell you this, but I am never gonna want to use a condom again, not unless you ask me to. Holy _fuck_ , you felt so good..."

She smiled, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. "And you came inside me," she whispered.

"Mmm-hmm." He kissed her, softly, slowly. "I love that you were the first one I've ever done that with..."

"Me too," she whispered, relishing the feel of his bare skin against hers. She had never let herself trust only her birth control alone when she was sleeping with someone, and while she had no intention of getting pregnant while she was still in college, of all the men she had dated, imagining being with him that way...

"I love you so much, Nan."

"You too," she murmured, taking a trembling breath. "I love you too."

He would be such an amazing father, if they decided that was what they wanted.

He pulled back a little to look down at her. "Are you upset, sweetheart?" he whispered, brushing a lock of hair from her cheek. "Did I hurt you..."

She shook her head, brushing her thumb against his lips. "You felt so good," she told him. "I just... I just love you so much that I actually hurt with it." She glanced away from him, afraid to look at his eyes, afraid he wouldn't understand.

He ducked down and kissed her gently, then brushed his lips against her cheek, her ear.

"Me too, baby."

\--

When Hugh called Nancy and asked her again to help on the gambling-ring case, she threw herself into it, happy to have a distraction from thinking about the situation between herself and her best friends. Every few days, when Nancy heard a song she thought Bess might like, when she heard about a concert or a sale or anything, any possible thing that Bess might like, she sent her a little email, always ending in another apology.

_I'm so sorry, Bess. I miss you so much. I know you'll probably never forgive me and I am so sorry I hurt you._

But she couldn't give Ned up. When Nancy found out about the next poker night at Phi Iota, Ned went with her to scout the place out, to spot any good suspects. Ned's best friend Mike went in since Ned was too well-known, and Nancy's picture had run in all the local newspapers, so her appearance would already make people suspicious. Mike got them the number to contact the designated bookie and Ned disguised his voice when he called to place a bet.

And Ned was there to help her every step of the way, to go to the meet they set up to hand over the money, to help her track down the person they met. During every game she could make, she was in the audience, cheering him on, and while they waited to celebrate his performance on the court until they were alone, he told her often how happy he was to have her there supporting him. When they weren't in class, when Ned wasn't at practice or away games, they were almost always together, and being able to have him as a sounding board and her backup on her case, being able to sleep beside him practically every night...

Maybe they were moving a little too fast. But anything less wouldn't have been enough for her, and she knew that.

Nancy was able to find a guy who had been roughed up for not paying his debts to the guys responsible in time, and after a quasi-helpful meeting with him—he was still very afraid to talk about his experience, but he had given Nancy a few clues about another member of the gang—she headed over to the food court to grab a late lunch. Ned was in class during her lunch break, and she was accustomed, now, to grabbing something to go and eating in the library, or in the quad on a good day. Her heart ached, knowing that under other circumstances she would be sitting with her friends instead, but she had chosen. And she had to deal with her choice.

Ned made her happier than she had been in a long time. The only way she could possibly be happier, she knew, was if she and Bess and George were okay again.

Nancy had just grabbed an individual pepperoni pizza and paid for it when she headed for the door, juggling her pizza box and bottle of soda as she slid her ID card back into her pocket. When she glanced up, a dark-haired girl was just carrying a tray to the trash can, and Nancy would have to swerve to avoid her.

George.

A few days after Bess had unceremoniously cut ties with Nancy, Nancy had sent an email to George, but that email had never been answered, either. George was far less prone to use Facebook as a forum to air her grievances publicly, but not hearing from her either had hurt Nancy immensely. Nancy kept checking, hoping for some message, but she was feeling discouraged.

Three weeks. Three weeks since everything had broken between the three of them.

George's dark eyes met Nancy's, and Nancy felt herself flinch, just a little. After Bess's scathing rejection, she couldn't imagine what her even sharper-tongued cousin would say.

"George," Nancy said, stopping a few steps away from her. "George, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt Bess, or you either."

George crossed her arms, frowning. "Nancy..."

"I know you have to be mad at me."

"I am," George said. "I am incredibly pissed at you. And I... I was an idiot."

Nancy blinked at George. "What?"

George sighed. "Anyone with two eyes in their head who saw the two of you together could see it," she said. "I mean, you two calling each other all the time, the way Ned always wanted to be there to help you with cases? And then, when you were so happy... I tried to tell myself that wasn't what it was, that it couldn't be what I thought it was. I just... I didn't think you'd go after him, Nan."

"I didn't," Nancy said, hurt. "George, I swear I didn't."

"So it was all him?"

Nancy closed her mouth, looking away. "Not... no," she murmured.

George took a step closer to Nancy. "How did you think this _wouldn't_ hurt her?"

Nancy took a shivering breath, her sight wavering with tears. "I don't know," Nancy said miserably. "I was a fool, and I know that. I wish things had gone differently."

She glanced up at George, a pair of tears slipping down her cheeks, and George's frown became deeper. While George wasn't as emotionally expressive as her cousin, and a lot more likely to keep what she was feeling bottled up, when Nancy saw George's eyes gleaming faintly too, she tried not to hope that it would sway George at all.

"So you're with him now."

It wasn't a question, but Nancy nodded anyway, running the back of her index finger against her lower lashes, catching the tears that had gathered there. "He makes me so happy," she whispered, and she hated that saying it made her feel guilty, just for a moment. "And if he were anyone else on earth..."

"Why couldn't you have _waited_?" George asked, shaking her head, her voice almost pleading. "Nancy, he had _just_ broken up with her..."

"I can't... I have no excuse," Nancy said simply. "You're right. We should have."

"She said you two were sleeping together?"

Nancy took a deep breath, and when one of the smaller side tables was freed up, she gestured for them to sit down, and George followed her there. That, more than anything else, gave her hope.

Nancy tried to be as honest and frank as she could, as she told George about what had happened. She told her about the two kisses before Ned broke up with Bess, and swore earnestly to George that they hadn't slept together until Valentine's Day. She told her how awful she had felt, how conflicted, how much she had wanted to fight it... but she hadn't been able to, not once she had known how he felt about her.

"Well, you sure have picked some winners," George said sardonically. "And if the way that boy's been looking at you since you two met is any indication..."

Nancy flushed a little. "He loves me so much," she whispered.

"He loved Bess so much, too."

"Yeah." Nancy took a sip of her soda, washing down a bite of pizza. "I... I know."

"And you really think it's going to last with him?"

"I have to," Nancy said, then glanced up at George. "I walked away from two of the most important people in my life to be with him, I ripped my heart in half to be with him... and I hate so much that things worked out this way. I miss you and Bess so much. With all my heart I wish we'd waited, that we had somehow figured out a way not to hurt you two... but I can't change what happened."

George propped her chin on her hand. "She is so hurt, Nan," she said softly. "So, so heartbroken over this. She's always thought you were prettier than her and she just..." George shook her head. "Oh, she has been so depressed."

Nancy looked down. The remaining half of her pizza was getting cold, but her appetite had nearly vanished. "More than she was before?"

"Oh yes. Oh, yes. It was bad enough that he broke up with her, but... when she thought it was because of you? She has been so, so angry at you. She blames you for him breaking up with her. She thinks he would still be with her, if you hadn't been flirting with him."

"But..." Nancy clenched her fingers into a fist, trying to temper her words. "I... I know that he and I were... I know we were closer than we should have been. But I told her this, and I swear to you, George, I begged him to go back to her. I begged him. I told him how much she was hurting, I told him that he didn't have a chance with me... and he told me that no matter what, he wasn't going back to her, that he wasn't in love with her anymore."

"And you believe that?"

Nancy nodded. "Yeah, George. She... I know she wanted things to be so good, so perfect with him, and I know how much she loved him, how much she probably still does... And God, I can't blame her. I can't. I don't." She shook her head. "But she... she was so angry, she told me that he was going to marry her..."

"And he said he wasn't?"

Nancy shook her head. "Bess... you know how she is. You do. She gets ahead of herself..."

George sighed. "Putting that aside," she said, sounding weary, "what the hell did you think, that she would be happy to see you two together, watching him hold you the way he used to hold her, to talk to you the way he used to talk to her? And, Nan, honestly... you really, _really_ hurt her, but him? How... how could you believe him, how can you believe him now? I mean, he hurt her _so much_... And after what he did, what you both did, I... I hate him. I hate him for hurting her so much."

Nancy frowned. That morning she had blinked awake, happy in his arms; the night before, they had made love twice, falling asleep wrapped around each other. With every moment they spent together, every kiss, every caress, she felt more and more sure that she couldn't give him up. She craved him. She couldn't get enough of him.

But the venom in George's voice made her remember feeling the same way. She had hated him—but underneath it had been fear, such terrible fear that the tension between them would end the way it had. She hadn't wanted to love him. She had told herself that he could never truly be hers, nor she his, and tried to believe it.

She hadn't wanted to hurt Bess this way. She still didn't. But the only thing she could do that might ease things between them was give Ned up—and she couldn't. She _couldn't_.

"I understand," Nancy said softly. "And I... deserve it. I know I do. I feel so awful that I—that what we've done has hurt her like this."

George glanced down at the table, avoiding Nancy's eyes for a moment. "So I saw a few weeks ago where they made some arrests on that case you were working on."

Nancy relaxed a little at the change in topic. "Yeah. I'm really glad that one's over. For now, anyway. The two assholes who threatened to kill me already have a court date set."

"That's good."

"But now we—" Nancy blushed, but it was too late to really play it off, so she soldiered on. "Uh, Hugh asked me to look into a gambling ring case. I just met with a source, actually."

She filled George in using broad strokes, and for just a few minutes, it felt like things were—not quite normal between them, but closer. Ned was a great sounding board, but so were Bess and George.

And they had been such a help to her, for so long.

Then George glanced at her watch, and Nancy glanced at hers. "I have to get to class," George said apologetically.

"I remember," Nancy said. "Look—thanks. For not just ignoring me when you saw me. And I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

George nodded again. "Bess... she's finally seeing someone else. She's doing... some days I think she's doing better. But she's still so hurt, and it's going to take a while."

Nancy kept her gaze on George's face, hardly daring to believe that she might mean what Nancy thought she did. "You mean... do you think there's a chance that one day...?"

George paused, and it was obviously hard for her to say the next words. "Like I said, I've known you two... liked each other, for a while. And if he makes you this happy—"

Nancy nodded twice, quickly. "He does," she said, her voice low but firm.

"Let's just say I'm a little skeptical, okay? If he's still treating you well this summer... I'll try to think about... maybe considering that he's _not_ a total remorseless asshole. Okay? But when it comes to Bess..." She shrugged a little. "I'll talk to her. She misses you too. She wouldn't be this angry at you if she didn't miss you too."

Nancy gave George a bittersweet smile. "I miss her so much too. Both of you."

"Maybe... well, I know you have your boy, but if you need some backup..."

"I'll get in touch," Nancy said, then stood up, and when she wrapped her arms around George in a brief hug, her eyes pricked with tears again. "I love you, George. You're like my sister and I hate that things are like this. I hate it so much."

George ducked her head, patting Nancy's back. "Take care of yourself, okay? And if that asshole doesn't, I will be there to knock some sense into him. Trust me."

Nancy chuckled, then sniffed. "Thanks."

"Hey," George said with a shrug. "What are friends for?"

Nancy watched until George had vanished into the steady stream of students heading out of the food court to class, and as soon as she was alone again, with her cooling pizza and soda, she looked down, a small smile on her face.

It wasn't everything; it wasn't much. But it was a beginning.

And she was thankful.

\--

That sunny afternoon in May was perfect baseball weather. Nancy sat in the bleachers next to Maury, with Mike on her other side; Ned's fraternity brothers had come out to support him and the other members on the team, and Nancy had teased Maury that she hadn't even been sure he could tolerate sunlight. Ned was on the field, his dark-eyed gaze steady and intense, and at the bottom and top of each inning, Ned always looked over at her—and smiled when their eyes locked. Nancy wore jeans and an Emerson Wildcats tank top, the necklace he had given her hanging around her neck, his ring on her finger. She had even brought her small purple-and-orange pom-pom, and she wove it madly whenever Ned was in a position to score.

"Hey, you made it, DiToma!"

Nancy glanced up when she heard Howie greeting Paul. Because if Paul had shown up—

He was smiling at the group, taking a seat a few rows in front of Nancy. And his hand was joined to Bess's.

Nancy had seen Bess a few times around campus since Valentine's Day, but they hadn't said anything to each other. Nancy had kept sending the occasional emails, and a few days earlier, when she had posted a link on Facebook about free beauty samples, she had been shocked and pleased when Bess had liked it twenty minutes later.

Nancy knew it wasn't a coincidence. So even if Bess wasn't acknowledging her emails or messages, she was still keeping tabs on Nancy's page.

Nancy couldn't look away from the two of them, though. When Paul glanced back at Bess, making room for her on the bleacher seat beside him, she gave him a grin, snuggling against his shoulder after he wrapped his arm around her. She looked happy. She looked good. She wore an Emerson t-shirt and a cute denim skirt, her blonde hair tied back with an orange and white polka-dotted ribbon. And, according to George, she was doing a lot better in her classes, and loving her work in the drama department.

Absently Nancy touched the band of her ring, a soft smile on her face as she looked down. She was pleased Bess was happy. She didn't want her friend to be miserable.

They hadn't spoken in close to three months.

Whenever she talked to Hannah about it, Hannah always reminded her that it would take time. The rift between them, though, made Nancy feel like a part of herself was missing, and if she and Bess were never able to make peace with each other, she would never get it back.

Nancy knew she had to accept it, if that was what happened. She just wasn't going to give up so easily.

Paul announced to the group at large that he was going for a popcorn when the opponent took the field, and once he left for the concession stand, Nancy took a sip of her soda. Maury was talking about some program he was developing so he could be master of his fantasy baseball team, and Jan and Mike were whispering something to each other. While Mike seemed to have no problem with Nancy, Jan had been good friends with Bess, and it had taken a while for her to warm up to Ned's new girlfriend. Nancy didn't blame her, but she was glad that she finally didn't feel totally awkward around Ned's best friend's girlfriend.

Nancy put her drink back down, glancing at the scoreboard, then back down. Bess flipped her ponytail, then idly glanced over her shoulder.

And then Nancy and Bess were looking straight at each other.

Nancy's heart was immediately beating hard, her palms sweating. Bess had to have known that Nancy would be here; it wouldn't be a surprise. Bess had attended Omega Chi events with Paul, and Nancy with Ned, but through some unspoken mutual agreement, they spent as little time in proximity as they could. It hadn't been so hard, not when the St. Patrick's Day pub crawl had resulted in a solid day-long miserable hangover, not when the mid-spring parties had generally spilled out onto the lawn as couples and guests took advantage of the great weather. Nancy had been afraid to put herself too near Bess, afraid that Bess might scream at her, or worse—totally, pointedly ignore her.

Bess held Nancy's gaze for a beat. On the surface her expression was neutral, but Nancy could see the slight knitting of her brows, the way her lips thinned just a little. She was still angry. Of course she was.

Then she gave Nancy an almost imperceptible nod before turning her gaze back to the field.

It wasn't much, but it was something, more than she'd had in a while.

The Wildcats won the match with two runs, and when Nancy found Ned at the gym after, freshly showered and changed after his game, he swept her up into his arms. "Hey beautiful," he murmured, greeting her with a long, sweet kiss.

"Hey handsome," she murmured, her arms wrapped around his neck, giving him a slow grin. His eyes were shining with genuine joy as he gazed at her, and she knew it was reflected in her own eyes. "You did such a great job today, Ned."

"Thanks, babe. I was happy to see you there. You're my good luck charm."

She chuckled, brushing the tip of her nose against his before he put her back down, and they joined hands as they walked out of the gym. "So the deadline's in October but the more paperwork we get done now, the better," she told him, swinging his hand in hers. She hadn't found the nerve yet to mention their nascent plans to Hugh, who would probably blow his top; after Nancy had given him an exclusive on the gambling ring, Hugh had kept her busy with a steady stream of tips and requests for her to "look into" things.

"You really think I can get second-year proficiency over the summer."

"I think you can with the right teacher," Nancy said, a wicked twinkle in her eye. "We don't _have_ to go to France, though."

"But I think it'd be great," he told her. "Paris in the springtime. Getting to spend whole _months_ there, to see the Eiffel Tower, Champs-Élysées, the Louvre with you..."

"Versailles, Notre Dame, Montmartre," she chimed in, nodding. "And, you know, attending some pesky classes inbetween."

Ned chuckled, brushing his lips against her temple. "And I love the idea of sharing it with you, Nan."

Ned was putting his duffel bag in the trunk when Nancy's phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out, swiping the screen. At the end of the game, she had sent Bess a text message, just in case.

_I miss you._

Bess had actually replied to it, and Nancy's heart beat harder as she tapped it. _It still hurts, Nan. I need time._

Nancy took a long breath. _I understand. I'll be waiting._

Bess's reply was almost immediate. _Miss u too._

Nancy's eyes were gleaming when Ned slid into the driver's seat. "So, I really worked up an appetite. Did you fill up on popcorn and hot dogs, Drew, or can I take my girl out for dinner? We're still on for that stakeout later tonight, right?"

Nancy leaned across the seat and kissed him, hard. "Yep. Take me out," she requested, giving him a smile. "I love you so much."

"Love you too," he told her, and though the key was in the ignition, he kept his gaze on her. "I can't wait to see Paris with you, Nan. Or London, or Rome, or anywhere else..."

"Well, Mr. Nickerson," she said, reaching up to brush away the trace of lip gloss her kiss had left on his lips, "if you work very hard this summer, maybe we can work out a five-year plan."

Every time he talked about their future, about everything he wanted them to do together, Nancy felt almost floored again. She had never seen a future with any of the other men she had dated. She had never seen anything like this, never _wanted_ it, not the way she did with him.

He kissed her again, and if he didn't stop soon, she was going to beg for a detour before dinner. "I will work _very_ hard," he promised. "Maybe even hire a tutor for some private lessons. Intimate, one-on-one lessons."

"And, coincidentally, don't your parents have the perfect place for that?"

"You mean the house at Fox Lake? Yep," he nodded, kissing her again, then brushing his lips against her earlobe. "Where we can... practice," his voice was a low growl that sent a shiver down her spine, "as loud as we want, without disturbing anyone."

"Sounds amazing," she said, giggling when he nuzzled against her neck. Reluctantly she shoved him away. "Okay, feed me, Nickerson. I think I might need my strength for the stakeout, not to mention all these damn exams we have coming up."

"Oh, is _that_ what you're going to need your strength for?"

She batted lightly at his shoulder. "Drive," she mock-ordered him, laughing at his pout.

She couldn't even pretend to be mad at him. She couldn't be mad. Not today, not with the summer so close, not while they were planning to spend a semester abroad together. George was talking to her again, and every now and then they actually were able to grab a meal together. Bess was finally talking to her again, even if it was only to say that she needed time.

It probably never would be perfect, but after so long, Nancy finally felt like her life was getting better. Every time she looked at the man next to her, she knew it was.

With him, she finally felt whole.


End file.
